I was watching an "Untold Stories of the ER" marathon this afternoon.
Some of the stories were just gross (see: homeless man with foot covered in maggots), some of them were heartwrenching (see: woman doesn't realize she's been shot in head twice because she's so upset about her killed friend), some were hilarious (see: drunk guy didn't want to pay hospital bills so he covered his broken ankle in cement and closed a wound with copper wire, then ended up at the hospital four days later anyway), and some were just downright creepy (see: man with four pound steel hook THROUGH HIS FACE).
Call me a masochist if you must, but as nervewracking as every episode was, and despite the fact that every story seemed to get worse and worse, I couldn't stop watching.
And at the end of the last episode, I knew exactly why.
There was a story of a ten-year-old boy who got hit in the head by a golf ball from about 150 yards away, and his mom took him to the hospital thinking he probably had a concussion. He was really lethargic and had weakness in his right arm and leg, so the doctor rushed him to CT, assuming he had bleeding between the skull and the spine. He actually had bleeding inside his brain that had formed into a decent sized blood clot.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get to is that at the end of the show, there was a clip of this boy in therapy trying to work to regain the ability to use his right arm and leg again. He had a severe limp, he just drug his leg along behind him, and his arm was constantly held to his stomach.
And my heart just broke. I couldn't help but think, "That could've been me."
I had a blood clot, too, and for some reason, I came out on the other side of it all without a single problem.
I survived the pressure in my skull rising dangerously close to fatal levels without an ounce of brain damage.
I survived staph meningitis, an infection that comes with a 25-30% mortality rate.
I survived a MRSA infection that was so severe I was 48 hours from septic shock when I arrived at the hospital.
Isn't that crazy?!?!
Have I had a lot of medical problems? Yes. But God has graced me with a body that knows how to recuperate faster than any doctor ever expects it to. He has brought me through trial after trial basically scot-free when there are people out there who get the same problems I have dealt with and either live with damages of those problems for the rest of their lives, or worse - they die.
God has saved me. I have beaten the odds half a dozen times (or more?), and I have a normal life now. My Psychology teacher assigned us to do a write-up on ourselves and include something "she couldn't tell by looking at us". My "thing" was that I have had 19 surgeries. You would have NO idea by looking at me what I have been through because God has carried me to safety using the skilled hands of some incredibly special doctors.
How can I be ANYTHING but grateful?! Grateful for my life, grateful for the unfathomable love that God has showered upon me every single day, grateful for the fact that I am a living miracle.
People have asked me how I'm not bitter. People mentioned that when I spoke at church on the 4th. People have asked me why I'm so postive about everything when I have every right to be angry.
This is why:
I am alive. God has saved me. I have no other choice but to be happy and grateful.
It's that simple.