Monday, November 30, 2009

Sometimes, being a girl really SUCKS.

I hate PMS.
I hate periods.
I hate hormones.
I hate cramps.

Guys have it so easy, I tell ya. :P

Today's been another day full of Chelsea yelling - escalated by the fact that Mom went back to work today and wasn't here to help me.

Tomorrow starts my bike-riding regimen. I'm actually looking forward to it. (Is that odd?) I'm thinking if I watch TV while I ride, that will help me not think about what I'm doing.

I'm so tired. I went to bed at like 1:30 last night and woke up at 7:23 this morning and could not get back to sleep. So I've been up all day. Yes, I managed to not even take a nap! I washed my sheets today (I love clean sheets!), so hopefully, I'll sleep good tonight.

Have I mentioned recently that I love my bed? :)

Not Me Monday! 11/30/09

Welcome to Not Me Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. Go over to her blog to see what others are not doing this week!

I did not fall in the shower on Wednesday, and bang my head, shoulder, and elbow, twist my back, and sprain my good ankle all in one fall. I'm much more coordinated than that. I'm also smart enough that, when the shower floor feels slippery to me, I will rinse it out before trying to take a shower. If I had fallen, it would not be my sister's fault because she would not have forgotten to rinse the shower out after she shaved her legs.

I did not let my teenage hormones take me over on Monday and become un-characteristically rude to my mom and sisters on Monday. I'm the good child; I would never be so mean!

I have not slightly pigged out on the mints that are in my kitchen. I have fantastic willpower and can control myself much better than that!

I did not get an orange phone this week. I am not so obsessed with the color that I would not beg my mom into taking my 5-month-old phone just so I could get the same phone in orange.

Lastly, it has not been almost 7 months since I have done a Not Me Monday!

Nope, NOT ME! :)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

A New Goal

Okay, so I've made a decision about something. I really need to lose weight, and it's not going to be easy once I get back to Campbell because it will be even colder than it is here, and cold weather is terribly bad for my asthma, so I probably won't want to leave my dorm except to go to class or eat. So I've made a decision/goal while I'm still home.

Starting December 1 (because I like starting things off on the start of a month or week. Yes, I'm weird like that) I am going to ride my exercise bike at least 30 minutes a day at least 5 days a week. Yes, I realize that that means I will have to ride it every day this week once I start, but I think I'm ready. Hopefully, this will make at least a little bit of difference by January 10.

I'm thinking I'll post how I'm doing from week to week, so that you guys can help keep me responsible. And buy myself a scale. My mom hates having a scale in the house (hah!) but I think I would really benefit from one.

Okay, that's about it. Today's been a lazy day because I haven't really felt like doing much because of my ankle, so there's nothing much else to say.

Friday, November 27, 2009


Okay, so I forgot how absolutely exhausting it is to help prepare a feast for two days and then stuff yourself with food, so this post isn't going to be nearly as deep or long as I originally thought it would be.

Basically, the gist of what I want to say is this: This year, I'm thankful to be alive.

There are so many things that could've gone wrong with the situations that were going wrong with my health in the past three months. I could've died on many different occasions. So yes, this year I'm thankful to be alive.

I'm thankful that God protected me.

I'm thankful my mom has been with me 24/7. Not only for my peace of mind, but because she is the best advocate for me when I'm too tired or in pain to argue with doctors.

Okay, you get my point. I am now going to crawl down under my covers and sleep off the food coma that's setting in. :)

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night.

What a day.

Today is crazy. We're having a belated Thanksgiving feast tonight because my mom's brother Kirk went with his wife and kids to my aunt's parents' house yesterday, and so my mom is in her usual crazy "OMG COMPANY'S COMING" mode. Lots and lots of cleaning, rearranging furniture, and the delicious smells of cooking. :)

My great-uncle Ed (the one who's paying for me to go to Campbell) and my grandma (my dad's mom) Frances are coming from almost two hours away, so I'm really excited. We're pretty sure my grandma is getting Alzheimer's, so it's really important to spend time with her while she's still in somewhat good shape.

My ankle is still throbbing since I fell in the shower Wednesday, but I finally got an ankle brace a couple hours, so that's helping support it. It's just not very easy to move around a lot. Plus, I have yet another killer headache, and my mom and Holly have been blasting music for almost 4 hours, so that kind of sucks, but at least everyone's in a good mood today. Even Chelsea's being pretty cooperative and helpful, so that's a little miraculous.

I'm in my room trying to get a little quiet and get rid of this headache right now. I feel kind of bad for sitting on my bed while my mom is in the kitchen, but she told me to do it, so it's not so bad, right? ;) I have till 3:00, and then I told her I would go back out and peel potatoes. She makes amazing garlic mashed potatoes. I'm so excited about all the deliciousness coming tonight that I can barely eat today. Haha!

Okay, it's now 2:45. I'm going to enjoy my last 15 minutes of quiet. I just felt like updating. There's a thankfulness post I'm going to write tonight after the feast, so look out for that. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving yesterday and are doing well today.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

The Icing on the Cake

of the day of crap.

I went to take a shower, because I thought it would help me relax. I slipped and fell. Banged my head, shoulder, and elbow, hurt my back, and twisted my ankle. It was quite graceful, really. Just what I needed, too. *sigh*

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Desperate for Change

I'm sorry that again, it's been a few days since I've posted, but I've been in a really weird place lately. I guess the full reality of everything that's happened in the past few months finally hit me and I threw myself a pity party. Then, something changed in my family. I don't know what, but I started getting treated very differently, mostly by my mom. Monday, she spent all day yelling at me when I was trying really hard to be nice to her all because Chelsea was being her usual evil self and Holly was being stupid and not taking care of her car. I hadn't done anything to make her mad, but I was getting yelled at left and right. Yesterday was okay; we spent most of it sleeping and cleaning for Thanksgiving. But then, I got my period, which naturally makes me more hormonal than usual. Chelsea, of course, picks now to do every little thing to aggravate me, and I'm the one who gets yelled at for not putting up with it like I almost always do. And today has made it crystal clear that while Chelsea thinks she's so NOT cared about and Mom favors me and Holly and blah blah blah, in reality, Chelsea gets whatever the heck she wants whenever the heck she wants it. Monday night, I was on my phone, which I had barely had all day because Mom was using it a lot, texting people, when Chelsea asked me to use it to call her "boyfriend". I told her I was using it, and so she goes to Mom and whines that I won't give her my phone. So Mom comes in and yells at me to give her the phone for 10 minutes. So I do. 10 minutes later, I'm still not allowed to have it because she's waiting for him to call back. It's half an hour before I can use MY phone again, when I was already in the middle of conversations with people!

And then there's the fact that Mom enables Chelsea to kill her baby. Smoking half a pack a day when your baby already has only one artery is just cruel, and my mom buys the cigarettes for her every other day to help with that. I asked her about it and she said "I'm not going to make her quit during the holidays." Hello! It's not been a holiday every day since July when we found out she was pregnant. It's like I'm the only one who gives a crap about that baby.

I'm the good kid, and I get treated like shit. Chelsea's an evil bitch 98% of the time and gets away with EVERYTHING. I can't wait for January. I want to go back to Campbell. I want to get the hell away from these people. I love them, but I don't feel loved here. I'm desperate for something to change, or I'm going to go insane.

Excuse me, I have to go cry myself to sleep now.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


I love it.
Sometimes, you just need to sleep the day away.
At least when I'm asleep, I can't think about how badly my face itches.
It looks like the worst zit breakout in history, but my mom thinks it's a rash.
Who knows.
I just want it to go away. It's disgusting.

I'm sorry. TMI? :)

Friday, November 20, 2009

Bout time, huh?

I was really trying not to go several days without posting, but life has been insane since I last posted.

Tuesday was spent arguing with the doctors because they wanted to send me home that day, but I had crappy oxygen saturations all night Monday night, and my mom was really nervous. The docs claimed it was a probe problem, but thank God for Tom the pain guy, because he argued and fought with them until they agreed to give me one more night. It was the best thing, too, because one more day of breathing treatments and medicine, and Tuesday night, my sats were great.

So Wednesday we were ready to go bright and early. Hah! We could not wait to get out of there. Then, a freaky thing happened, and as I was washing my face with one of the washcloths (the same washcloths I've used every day that I've been there), without even using soap or anything, and my face broke out in a rash. The redness went away rather quickly, but my face is still caught in the worst breakout I've ever had. We left the hospital and went to our usual celebratory "yay I left the hospital" lunch at Olive Garden. There, we ended up getting seated next to a woman who, the second she saw me, recognized that I had a shunt and we talked for over an hour. It's great how God puts people in your path at just the right time, isn't it? After that, Mom decided that she really wanted to get me new bedding while we were out because she had a plan to literally clean my room out from top to bottom and get rid of all possible allergens. So we went to WalMart, and I was out of breath just walking to the back of the store. Luckily, they brought me one of those motor scooters. We got mattress and pillow allergy covers, but no good bedding. So we went to Target, and still no luck, but I got a motor scooter there, too. Bed Bath & Beyond had nothing. Then to Sears and they had nothing. Okay, I shouldn't say nothing, because there were things that could've worked, but we weren't super excited about anything and they weren't great, so we went on. I was totally exhausted, but I kept going just because I knew this was important. JC Penney's had nothing, either, and I was about to give up. But I agreed to one more store since we were already at the gigantic mall - Belk. Every place but Sears had wheelchairs, so I was okay. We got up to the second floor, and headed for the bedding section. Oh hallelujah, we found the PERFECT one! The orange was the perfect shade, I love the geometric shapes; I was instantly giddy about it. So we finally left about 5:00 and headed for home. Needless to say, I slept the entire way there except to wake up for dinner. :)

Thursday we had big plans to start on my room, but that so did not happen. Mom and I slept all day long. And we needed it, too. A good sleep in a real bed without being woken up every 10 minutes can do wonders for you. :) Then, of course, we were up till 3 am singing The Sound of Music and laughing hysterically. (Hey, you trying singing "The Lonely Goatherd" and not laughing!)

My mom, being the crazy insomniac that she is, woke up at 6:30 and started emptying out my room. She woke me up at 8. At that point, she had already gotten everything except for my big dresser out. We cleaned. We cleaned. We cleaned some more. We moved furniture. Lots of furniture. We rearranged my room. We rearranged Chelsea's room. We switched the dressers between the two rooms. We moved the exercise bike into my room. It was a long freakin' day. But now I'm sitting in my own room on my new comforter, and it's so worth it. :) My mom is the best person alive. She did most of it herself since Chelsea's pregnant and lazy, and I'm weak. She's amazing. Seriously.

So yeah. That should explain why I haven't blogged. But I'll try not to leave you guys hangin' like this again. :)

(And yes, I do have a crazy love for smiley faces.)

Monday, November 16, 2009

It's almost over!

They're taking me off IV pain meds in the morning.
As long as nothing bad happens, I should be good to go to get out Wednesday.
My mom and I are concerned about how my oxygen sats drop if I lay flat, but they won't do anything and haven't mentioned doing anything to check it, so I guess it's not that big of a deal.
So yes, yes, this hospital stay is almost over.
Now, I just have to keep on top of things and make sure that my bowels don't get out of control. (TMI?) But I am taking my medicine like a good little patient without complaining, so there ya go.
Okay, I feel like I'm gonna puke. Time to go to sleep.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Short update.

I forgot to mention yesterday that I was moved to the floor. Yay for that.

They say I'm making lots of steps in the right direction. I could even go home tomorrow asthma-wise, but there's still a lot of issues with this referred pain and getting me off the IV pain meds. I get this weird feeling that they think I'm some sort of addict, but it's not my fault that the PO drugs they want to give me don't work. I'm not a normal Peds patient; I have an insanely high tolerance for pain meds and they need to work with that.

Last night, I fell asleep about 2 am, the first semi-normal time in days, but was woken up what felt like every 15 minutes by my nurse (whom I adore, so I wasn't mad at her), my NA, and the respiratory people. So I slept like all day.

Speaking of respiratory people, my nebulizers are now every 4 hours. Another good step. They have this special nebulizer here that gets a lot more medicine into my lungs than the one I have at home, so here's to hoping that we can take this one home.

I took another shower tonight. It hurt again. But I was super sweaty and my mom was just not going to let the idea go so I did it. And then we realized that the temperature is screwed up in the whole unit so I've been soaked in sweat ever since, making the shower kind of pointless.

*yawn* That's about it. Night!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I don't like being punished.

Especially when it's for exercising a right I have as a hospital patient.

So here's the story...

Tom was on the phone with my mom twice last night as I was screaming in pain, and he managed to get me 1 mg of Dilotid IV and 2 mg PO (by mouth). Once again, I got very little sleep. He called my nurse early this morning (no clue what time) and said that he was going to get me a Dilotid pump so I could get a burst whenever I needed it because he could hear me screaming so things obviously weren't working. However, the IV in my hand that I had gotten put in in the Emergency Room was quite small, so he put in orders for a new IV so that the Dilotid didn't hurt my veins. I was cool with that. Well, guess who they sent to my room to put in my IV? The cocky jerk I mentioned in this post. I mentally groaned as soon as I saw him, and when he stepped out to get gloves, I told my mom who he was. I'm generally not that good with names of people I don't see every day, and this guy's named popped in my head like I had just been transported back to August. So she told me to call my nurse and request someone else. I explained to her what happened and that I didn't want the dude touching me, so she went back out and told him I wanted somebody else. He told her he'd have to call his charge nurse to come do it, but she was "swamped." Guess when I finally got a new IV.

6:30 pm. And it wasn't even the charge nurse that came and did it! That meant almost 12 hours without IV pain meds, my antibiotics, or my steroids. (My mom said, "They better hope her pneumonia doesn't take a step back thanks to this 12-hour break, or I'm gonna raise hell.") When the disaster with Mr. IV dude happened in August, nurses told me it was my right to request at any time for any reason to not have someone do a procedure on me. So I thought it wouldn't be a big deal that we sent him away, but no. This was like "You don't like who we send you the first time? Well, you can wait till next shift then." Like some sort of punishment for that guy being a screw up. Thank heavens I managed to sleep a little today to forget how much pain I was for not being able to get the one medicine that brings relief. The two people who finally came from the IV team were so super apologetic, and I'm like, "This isn't your fault." It was either the IV guy's fault, or the charge nurse's because they said that no one told them all day that I was waiting for one. Of freaking course.

So needless to say, tonight has been one big catch-up game of trying to get my pain back under control, which frankly isn't working too well. And now there's new pain at the top of my lungs. And I'm burning up and my face is bright red even though I don't have a bit of fever. And Mom and I are trying really hard not to call Tom since we woke him up twice last night, though he said he wanted us to, and tomorrow is his day off. It was really funny - when he walked in the room this morning, he was like, "Okay, your bill for the two middle-of-the-night pages comes to 100 million, 50 thousand dollars." Joking, I said, "How about I just marry you? Will that make it even?" He said, "Yes, as long as you cook me three gourmet meals a day." My mom chimed in, "Oh, you don't want her to cook for you. That'd be punishment, not pleasure!" He laughed and said, "Okay, marriage it is, then." Hey, what can I say? He's only 27, and seems like the type of guy that any girl would be lucky to marry. He's smart brilliant, funny, caring, attentive, and oh-so-dreamy, too. Hehehe.

I'll let you know when the invitations are gonna be sent out. ;)

Friday, November 13, 2009


Asthma. So much simpler than, say, a staph infection in my brain, but I will tell you this:

This hospital stay is kicking my butt.

On top of the fact that I can't breathe very well, I have pain all over my back, shoulders, arms, and neck. This is something called "referred pain." The bottom of my right lung is partially collapsed due to the atalectasis, and it's pressing down on my diaphragm. The nerves around my diaphragm are irritated because of this and shooting pain all over my upper body. For the past three days, I've felt like a sumo wrestler was sitting on my right shoulder and collar bone. There's muscle spasms all over my back. Oh, and I have a killer headache, too. Not cool.

My oxygen sats are staying in the low 90s unless I'm on this high-tech nebulizer they have here. That's not good since they've been pumping me full of steroids and oxygen. I was even on a continuous nebulizer for most of last night and today, and my sats still won't go up.

Last night sucked. I was in searing pain all night long, and it really felt like I couldn't get the peds docs to listen to me. They kept sending me the same two medications over and over again even though my mom and I both told them that they weren't working. My pain level was at a 10 for four hours and I was sobbing for most of that time. Finally, my mom called a patient advocate, and they bugged the doctor into giving me the one pain killer that gave me any relief. Of course, it only took my pain down to an 8.5, but I was at least able to relax a little, but I still didn't fall asleep till 9something this morning. (My mom, on the other hand, just fell asleep about 3 hours ago. She was up all day talking to all the doctors that came in so I could rest. God Bless her.)

Today, though, we met a Godsend named Tom. He is from the Pain Team, and he spent a long time in my room this afternoon talking to us about ways to manage this pain without having to completely depend on the heavy narcotics because of the dangers the narcotics bring for respiratory supression. He was the first person I met that made me feel like he was really listening to me. He didn't just see me as a little kid who doesn't know what's going on with her body. (Because, let's face it, there's nothing little about me! haha) He changed a lot of my dosages and told the peds doctors that it's not smart to take away my Dilotid completely (the only medicine that was really helping last night). He told me he's been in a situation where he's had this referred pain, so he could really sympathize. Gosh, when he left, I felt a whole new sense of relief. He even told us that even though his work hours are 7-7 and he's off Sunday, we can page him anytime, day or night, if the doctors are not working with me, and he'll take care of it. Is that awesome or what?!

You wanna know a way to tell that you've been in the same hospital unit too long? When the nurses see your mom in the hallway getting ice and blankets and sigh, "Oh no! Poor girl, what is she in for now?" Or when they see your mom walking into a "staff only" area to see what's in there and don't do anything about it. 5300 is all too familiar to me. When they finally got me a bed on Wednesday, and they told my mom it was in 5100, my mom actually teared up because of all the new faces that we'd have to deal with, all the people who don't know me like the people who work in 5300. They moved me here to the pediatrics step-down unit yesterday so that I could be put on the continuous Albuterol. Granted, the step-down nurses and the 5300 floor nurses are two different groups, but I've still gotten visits and I have a nurse that I know from August tonight. That kind of helps with the mood.

I have no idea when I'm getting out of here. No freaking clue. And I'm trying really hard to trust God, but that's easier said than done when you're thrust into another crappy situation like this, isn't it?

A positive side, though, is that at least I'm getting a break from Chelsea. She's causing havoc while Mom's away, per usual. Holly came into town Tuesday night just hours before we left for Duke, and she ruined her phone at work on accident, so Mom told her to take her (Mom's) phone and get Holly's number put on it because Mom was planning on getting her and Chelsea new ones, anyway. Well, when Holly left to go back to Raleigh yesterday, Chelsea found an old phone in the house, invited a guy over, and used his phone to call Sprint and get Mom's number put on this old phone, after Mom specifically told her no. Of course! I guess she thought that Mom would be so wrapped up in taking care of me that she wouldn't bother doing anything about it till we get home...Then, she made the ever-so-stupid mistake of calling Holly, tipping her off that she had to have gotten a phone turned on. So Holly called my grandma and my grandma went over and found the guy hanging out in the living room, another rule broken. Holly called Mom and told her what happened, and Mom called Sprint today and got the phone number suspended and made it so that the number can only be reinstated "by the account holder in person with a Photo ID." Mwhahahahahahaha! It made me want to leave Chelsea a comment on Myspace and go "Mom's smarter than you are! Mom's smarter than you are!" But I didn't, because of course, I'm so much more mature than that. :)

Okay, that's about all I've got. I slept through all the important meetings today, so I don't really know how to explain the medical stuff any further, and besides, this post is long enough. Just know I'm hanging in there. I feel like crap, but I'm hanging in there.

Love and hugs.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

An update.

So I'm in Duke. Again. But this time it's just in the general pediatrics unit instead of neurosurgery because my shunt is fine.

My mom and I left about 11:45 last night because I was having excruciating pain in my chest, right ribs, right side, right side of my back, head, right side of my neck, and right shoulder. Yes, ALL my pain was and is in my right side. We got here about 2:30 am and spent all night and most of the day in the ER because there were no beds. Literally NONE. We didn't get in a room till almost 5 this afternoon. Last night, though, they did their usual CT and shunt series, but they also did a chest x-ray. The shunt looked fine, which was a huge relief. However, my chest is a disaster. On top of my bronchitis, I have pneumonia and atalectasis, the latter of which means that the bottom of my right lung has collapsed.

Needless to say, I feel like crap. And I have a bad headache, so this is all I've got tonight. Prayers would be appreciated beyond belief.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Good news and bad news.

Good news: I went to the doctor today.
Bad news: The doctor didn't confirm that I have a sinus infection, which would explain why my snot is green.

Good news: It's just a bad case of bronchitis, not strep or the flu, the latter of which could put me back in the hospital.
Bad news: It's a bad case of bronchitis.

Good news: I have medication and cough drops.
Bad news: I still can't breathe and am taking breathing treatments round the clock.

So yep. Just thought y'all would like to know that this isn't anything super serious. It's slightly serious simply because my immune system is still so compromised, but as long as I kind of quarantine myself and give this medicine time to work, I should be good to go. Oh, and I discovered something new today! If you get shots in your butt, they don't hurt! I had to get a shot of steroids because my doc didn't want to give me steroid pills because of my crappy immune system, and my mom said the nurse stuck all of a kind of big needle into my butt, and I didn't feel a thing! For someone who hates needles as much as I do, this is an important thing to know.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

I can hardly breathe.

My asthma is really screwed up.
I'm taking my 3rd breathing treatment in the past hour and a half and I can still hardly breathe.
I'm scared.
My immune system is still practically non-existent.
I don't want to go back to the hospital.
I don't want my mom to have to be out of work again.
Lord, help me. I'm desperate.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I think I'm getting worse.

My need for breathing treatments is getting closer and closer together.
I think I should see if my grandma can take me to the doctor sometime next week.
It's just one thing after another with me, isn't it?
Hope you all are well.

Friday, November 6, 2009


I hate being sick. I just feel so out of it.

Today sucked. Not only do I feel bad, I burned the crap out of the side of my hand, and Chelsea was especially defiant and rude.

I don't know what's up. Mom thinks it's a cold or I'm coming down with the flu, because my asthma's all flared up. The good news is my temperature high today was 99. Yes, for someone who usually runs 97-97.5, that's a little odd, but still good. Here's to hoping I don't get a fever. Fevers are a rare thing for me, anyway. I can have several infections at the same time (various combos of sinus, respiratory, and each of my ears) and have a normal temperature. (That's another reason why the 100.8 I got the night I went to Duke for the staph infection was especially alarming.)

Ugh. I think I'm just going to go to sleep.

I meant to blog yesterday.

But I forgot.
I had a much better day yesterday.

I only felt nauseous for a little bit. My headache was much better. Ms. Rachel and Abby Grace came to town for the afternoon and stayed for dinner, so I got some sweet baby lovin'. :)

So yes, yesterday was much better, but I don't feel good today. *sigh* I might blog again tonight.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I feel horrible today.

I didn't fall asleep till 4 am last night, because I slept so much on the way home from Duke.
Because of that, I slept through 9 am when I needed to take my Oxycontin.
Because of that, I woke up at 12:50 pm with a killer headache.
I took my Oxycontin and 10 mg of Oxycodone, and my headache was gone at 1:30.
By 3:00, it was back, and I started feeling really nauseous.
So I took Phenergan at 3:30.
That didn't work.
I took another 10 mg of Oxycodone at 5:45.
That didn't work, either.
I've been nauseous all freakin day, and my headache is a 9.
I tried eating saltines and drinking ginger ale.
I think that made it worse.
I took another Phenergan at 6:35, because the total dose of the two was something they'd given me in the hospital.
I later puked, and still didn't feel better.
The one and only good thing is that my temperature is normal.
But I feel absolutely horrible.
I think I'm just gonna go to sleep.

***8:30 pm - I threw up again. A lot. BOO.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


The appointment went fine. It took forever (1 hour 40 minutes before I even got called back), but it was fine. That mysterious lump is just a swollen lymph node. Mom's still freaked about it, but hey, she's a mom. ;)

I'm quite relieved. But then I'm thinking, is this what my life has resorted to? Constantly being afraid that something's about to go wrong? Uh-uh. Go away, Satan!

I'm warning you. Otherwise I might have to punch you in the face.

Hey, I need to punch something today!

Monday, November 2, 2009

I can't help it. I'm scared.

I keep thinking about this stupid lump behind my ear.

What is it?
Why is it there?
Is it more bad news?

It's making me scared to go to the doctor without my mom, for fear that I'll get there, ask the docs about it, and find out it's something else gone wrong.

I guess it doesn't help that I've been listening to my mom talk all day about how it's worrying her. I wasn't worried pretty much all day. But now it's just hit me.


Lord, help me. Protect me tomorrow. Wash away this fear now so I can get some rest.

Oh, is that for me? Oh, you shouldn't have!

But I'll take it anyway.

So I had to go to my mom's school with her today and help her get all her grades put in. I met lots and lots of people whose names I've heard but never seen before today.

One lady, Ania, bought me a present. "For being a trooper," as she put it.

You wanna know what it was?

The High School Musical 3 DVD. :)

SWEET. And I can't believe this woman bought a present for a girl she'd never met. She must really like Mom, huh?

That kind of made my day.


The pain clinic appointment was fine. The doc isn't worried about how I'm doing, and she's letting me decide when I'm ready to taper off the drugs instead of deciding it for me like they try to at Duke.


My mom found a lump behind my right ear today. We don't know what it is. It's not the shunt because we can feel the shunt tubing running beside it. She's really worried about it. I'm trying not to be. I've told her I'll get it checked tomorrow because my grandma's taking me to Duke to get my last stitches out. So we'll see.

I know I've been asking for a lot of prayers lately, but I'd appreciate them again. I don't know if I can take another thing going wrong.


Okay, I'm exhausted. Go figure.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Not much to update.

I'm really tired.
My stomach is finally getting straightened out.
I have some obligatory appointment with a pain clinic tomorrow morning.
Chelsea's driving me insane.
I miss Campbell.
Did I mention I'm really tired?
Then that's it.