Now, I continue to wait.

I went to the doctor yesterday. To my surgeon Dr. H, specifically.

It was a combo post-op/let's discuss what to do next that won't kill you appointment.

I wish there were more exciting things to update about but my life is pretty much this crap and job searching.

In short, I have to go to a new surgeon, Dr. B, because Dr. H does not do open abdominal surgeries, and there's not a snowball's chance in hell we're trying a laparoscopy again.

Dr. H is going to call Dr. B this week and inform him on my case and the whole cardiac arrest thing. She's also going to see if there's any way I can get in to see him before next Friday the 8th, when I already have an appointment set up, but that's not a guarantee.

So I'll see him, then set up a new surgery for as quickly as I can get fit into his schedule.

The only unnerving thing about the whole appointment was that I learned my heart was actually stopped closer to two minutes than one, but what can you do? I am alive now.

After that, I went to my regular women's health care doc at the student health center to get the referral for the new surgeon, and I begged her into giving me some Vicodin because I almost passed out in Dr. H's office because of the pain from this week.

I know July 8th isn't really that far away, but I'm so tired of living in this pain all the time. And I'm just praying that it doesn't take weeks for Dr. B to get me into his surgery schedule.

Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying and waiting.

This is how good God is.

Prayer works, y'all. Prayer works. 

I had my biopsy today. I was expecting it to be a miserable experience, but it wasn't too bad for someone sticking a needle in my throat three times. 

But here's the awesome part: I wasn't expecting to get any news today at all. Not only did the pathologist in the office look at it before I left, the doc came in and told me that her initial analysis says this thing in my throat looks to be nothing more than a lymph node. A LYMPH NODE. 

They'll have to do a full examination of the cells over the next week, but the doc said their pathologist is really good so her initial analyses are usually correct. 

My endocrinologist made me believe this was definitely a tumor, so in no way was I expecting news this good. 

I am so, so thankful to have had so many people praying for me. This is the biggest personal experience of prayer so clearly working I've had in a long time. 

God is awesome.

Smiles

Smile 1: My class was canceled today. Don't know why, don't really care.

Smile 2: I found out why I'm in pain. My thyroid levels were off again, so I had to go see the endocrinologist again today. She's very condescending and snappy, but she gets the job done. Well, the explanation is multi-faceted: I've been taking iron tablets on order from my primary care doc and she either didn't know or didn't bother to tell me that iron tablets can mess up the absorption of the thyroid med, the Prednisone I was on for a month because of the terrible asthma attack completely shut down my adrenal glands and they're just now restarting, and my primary care doc tapered me off the Prednisone too quickly. All three of those things together sent my body into a bit of shock. I should be back to normal within a week or so. Hallelujah.

Smile 3: So when I was coming back home to the apartment after that, I was in a really good mood. I was lip syncing and dancing to "Uptown Funk" on repeat the whole way, and truthfully, I did not care what I looked like. Well I take the 6 to the F to get home, and when I got to the F platform during my transfer, this guy stopped me and said, "Excuse me, I'm just curious what you were listening to on the 6 platform. I saw you singing and dancing and you just really made me smile because I felt the joy from you. You really brightened my day." I love how even in just being a goofball lip syncing and dancing to a song while walking home, I was able to make someone's day a little better. Don't tell me God can't use the small stuff.

It's late. I'm tired. I actually have to go to class tomorrow. Good night.

Showers and Solid Sleep

Tonight's post is going to be short and sweet, mostly due to the fact that I got 7 hours of sleep total in the past 2 nights.

I got discharged.  Medical details will be coming tomorrow when I can think more clearly.  The EEG will take several days to be processed and read, so no, I don't have answers yet, but they're coming.

So tonight, what I'm thankful  is pretty obvious and simple.  I'm thankful to come back to my dorm room and take a long, hot shower in my big,  roomy, amazing shower, my first shower in 3 days.  And I'm thankful to be able to sleep for hours upon hours in my quiet dorm room and my big, soft bed.  "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" isn't just a saying.  I'm reminded of it every hospital stay.  Ha!

And now I'm off to go enjoy that sleep.

Brain Fog

So of course the one day that I'm supposed to get up at the crack of dawn would be the one day that I oversleep.  This is, coincidentally, the one day that I'm grateful Blake has taken to banging on my door first thing in the morning, because otherwise, I wouldn't have even woken up when I did.

Somehow, we actually managed to get on the road on time and get to my doctor in Raleigh on time, which I frankly can't remember the last time either of those things happened.

I love my doctor.  She's the best.  I've never had a doctor who has treated me with as much respect as she does or listened to me as much as she does.  Basically the only reason I had to make this appointment today, aside from the fact that with everything that has happened in the past few months and I haven't seen her since before I was in the hospital so it was probably good to have a follow-up, was that I needed the neurologic and musculoskeletal sections of my DMV paperwork filled out (since my muscle weakness issues are due to congenital nerve/brain damage, she had to be the one to fill that out).  But we updated her on everything and she seems to be totally on board with what Duke's headache clinic has been doing and plans to do.

So it looks like I'll be getting Botox treatment, which means I get a needle shoved into my head 33 times one day next month.  Fun times!

Then she gave me some "acute relief" shots which means I basically get a few hours where my head isn't making me want to scream or cry or do both at the same time.  Granted, things will return to normal tomorrow, but the few hours of lessened are highly appreciated.  Somehow I managed to stay awake for the entire car ride, which is a small miracle for me, but I passed out pretty much as soon as I got home and slept until 7:00 when this time, my mother was banging on my door instead of Blake.  Apparently eating is just a tad bit crucial to life.  How about that?

And yeah, now I'm going back to sleep because the powers of Demerol, Toradol, and Phenergan shot directly into your body are pretty powerful.  It's been 12 hours and I still can't think straight.

Yay brain fog.

Frustration

So when I got discharged from Duke last Sunday, the doctor who discharged me told me that they were setting up an appointment for me at the headache clinic, and it would be in early May that I could get in because it would be easier to get me an appointment since the neurology team had seen and treated me in the hospital.

They never called me last week like they were supposed to, so I spent half an hour on the phone today trying to figure out when my appointment was.

Imagine my surprise when they told me that my appointment was scheduled for June 18th.

*headdesk*

One of the "joys" of going to basically the best hospital in the world is that they come with ridiculous waiting lists.  That is literally the first available appointment that they had.  And then I had to move it to the 19th because the 18th appointment was at 10:45, and I knew Mom would hate making that long of a drive that early, and they didn't have anything later that day.

So June 19.  That's 58 days until I get to see a specialist who might actually have some clue as to how to help my pain.

In the meantime, I scheduled a clinic appointment with one of the doctors I saw in the hospital because it doesn't seem like this new medication combination is helping at all for May 8.  Maybe he'll give me some pain pills or something because this pain is getting more intense by the day.

I'm frustrated, not gonna lie.  Right now, all I'm trying to do is keep my mind focused on the truth:  God is still good, God is still in control, He's gonna work this out for my good and His glory.  Leaning into Christ is the only thing that's gonna get me through this.  I don't have anything else at this point.

Hope Renewed

Y'all, God is so faithful.  Like, really.  He never fails.  And just when I start to waver and doubt and question everything I'm facing, He shows up in a huge way to remind me that I can trust Him and He really is the Father I can always rely on and who loves me unconditionally.

So yesterday, I went back to Duke for another test and appointment with my neurosurgeon.  We figured that the test would come back normal considering the CT and X-ray did, but it was worth a shot and our peace of mind to make sure it was.  It actually showed something - even though the pressure on my shunt valve is set to 100, it registered at 150.  That's still within the "normal" range, but could explain at least part of the constant pain I'm experiencing.  So we dialed the pressure down from 100 to 80, but I have to give it two weeks to see if that does anything.  My doctor also said that my weight might be contributing to the whole problem with my shunt pressure, so it's looking more and more like I really need to have gastric bypass this summer.

That took from 9:30 to about 12:00, and then my sweet mama treated me to Olive Garden for lunch even though she doesn't have much money to spare this month.  I haven't been there in ages, and it was delicious.

After that, we drove to Raleigh and back to my neurologist.  We were actually about 45 minutes early, but we didn't have anything else to do, so we waited and I took a quick nap as I usually like to do when I want to escape the pain.  Plus, I'm not sleeping much anymore, and that test this morning just added to the pain, so I needed it more than usual.

I love, love, LOVE my neurologist.  She absolutely refuses to give up on me, nearly 10 months after I started realizing the medicine I was on had stopped controlling my migraines.  She had a lot of new ideas, as well.  Starting at the beginning of next month, after I'm done with this semester, I'm starting a Botox treatment (only once every 3 months) there at the office, which she said is literally the last and most extreme thing they can do for me.  Because that's all there is left, she's also sending a referral to a specialty clinic that focuses on chronic headaches called The Carolina Headache Institute.  I won't get to see them for about 3 months because there are some steps I have to go through first and they just have that long of a waiting list because they're so good at what they do.  My doc called them "the specialists of the specialists."  She also ordered me to start back on a medicine I was on back when my migraines were controlled and taking me off a bunch of the ones that clearly aren't working.  And she gave me a set of four shots, Demerol, Phenergan, Toradol, and Decadron, so that I could at least have a few hours where I wasn't registering an 8 or higher on the pain scale.

I was so happy and so relieved by the time we left that office.  No, it's not answers exactly, but it's progress. It's something new to try.  It's a new doctor to see.  It's another chance to find out what is wrong with my head.  I felt like my hope was completely and totally renewed, and I was reminded just how faithful God is at showing up when He knows that I'm feeling doubtful.  I was smiling again.  And I loved the responses I got from my "prayer team".  They may have just been texts, but I could feel them rejoicing with me.  I am so blessed to be surrounded by such a faithful group of friends.  I know I say that a lot, but it's so true.

And all of this happened on the anniversary of my baptism.  Coincidence?  I think not.  :)

I feel Him.

Today has had three major things happen that have reminded me of God's presence both in bad times and in good.  For that, I am thankful.

First, I went back to my neurologist today.  Going in, I didn't feel very nervous, mostly because I wasn't expecting much to come out of it.  The good news is that the nurse whom I spoke to was wrong, or I misinterpreted her, when she made it sound like they didn't have any other ideas.  In fact, my doctor today said the exact words, "We are far from out of ideas."  She said we're just going to have to try some non-traditional approaches.  Also, she's slightly concerned that these may not even be migraines at all because she's never seen anyone go through the IV DHE therapy for migraines and not be healed.  So even though when I was in the Duke ER in October my shunt tests were all fine, she wants me to actually schedule a visit with my neurosurgeon there to have him take a look at everything himself and make sure it's really not a concern.  Because if it's not migraines, and it's not my shunt, what else could it be?  What she did for now, since the earliest I will be able to get to see my neurosurgeon is Mom's Spring Break in early April and it will be a miracle if they still have appointments open with only 4 weeks notice, is take me off the new medicine that she put me on on New Year's Eve, and add in a different beta blocker at a higher dosage to try and attack the throbbing pain in my forehead as well as a muscle relaxer because apparently I have chronic muscle tension in my shoulders and neck (go figure), which will, duh, add to the whole problem.  I'm not gonna lie, I left the office feeling pretty discouraged.  I'm really tired of this "set up a new med plan, wait and see if it works" game mainly because nothing is working.  But I texted my "prayer team" (the people who have been so faithful to stand by me through this saga and want updates with every appointment/change) and those who responded had some wonderful words of wisdom for me.  One in particular, from my sweet friend Lauren, really stood out to me: "I don't think it's God's will for you to be in chronic pain but I know it's His will for you to give Him the glory in the midst of life's circumstances, and you have 1000%.  I know you can't see it now but there's a reason for ALL this!  Praying for your complete healing!!  Or perhaps you have seen a glimpse because He's already used you greatly!"  That text was such a sweet reminder that even when I don't see it, God has a purpose for this, and for my life as a whole.  God is ultimately for God, He wants His children to bring Him the glory He deserves, so if I'm not going to be healed of this pain, I pray that He continues to bring me opportunities to tell people just how wonderful He is.  Like Kyla told me, He's not done with me yet...

Second, Chris ended up not talking about me in his sermon yesterday, but I texted him after I listened to it on the way to Raleigh (yay iPhones!) and he told me to go to his church's website where I could join this site that is basically like one big online community for the congregation.  He wanted me to share my story with them there.  And I promised the Lord I wouldn't turn down any opportunity to share my testimony, so of course, when I got home tonight, I got on there and posted my story.  Truthfully, I was a little nervous at how it would go over with me being an "outsider" but I've already received one response tonight that just all in all warmed my heart.  :)  For a girl who spent so many years feeling burned by the church, to see an essentially complete stranger like Chris not only take the time to invest in my life and give me counsel but also to make me a part of his church, even from afar, means so, so much.

Lastly, tonight when I got home was, uh, well, let's just say it wasn't pretty.  It was actually quite ugly, and it's looking like Blake may have a very un-happy birthday tomorrow (holy cow that child is about to be THREE).  Instead of sticking around to try to defend my mom and inevitably end up losing my temper even more than I already had, I left and went to call someone who would listen.  Eventually, Brennan, of all people, called me back.  (Now that both Matt and Ryann know I'm in contact with him again, I feel safe talking about him here.)  So I went outside, in the freezing cold because that was the only quiet place left, and we talked.  I told him about what was going on with the family, and more about what the doctor said, and he just....listened.  He was just there.  And when I apologized for calling him again, he told me not to worry about it.  And well, with that conversation, I felt the walls I'd been keeping up with him start to crumble and myself thinking that maybe he really is different this time.  This is the longest period, by far, that he has been around without there being any drama.  I'm not 100% sold yet, but through everything that has happened in the past couple months, he's been there without trouble.  I feel like I'm finally friends with the Brennan I met at Sanctuary.  He ended the conversation with prayer, just like he always does, and a good bit of his prayer tonight was that I would feel God wrapping His arms around me through all these troubles...and I did.  I was sitting outside in 30 degree temperatures (or less than that), yet I felt the warmth that Brennan was praying for.  As soon as the prayer was over, without even really thinking, the first words out of my mouth were "I feel Him."  I'm so thankful for the people in my life that just instinctively know when they just need to listen and when I'm looking for them to say something, but mostly, I'm thankful that I could feel God all over that conversation.

John 11:28 says "The Teacher is here, and He is asking for you."  Today was such a sweet picture of how, even though sometimes I can feel forgotten and alone, Jesus knows me individually.  I am noticed, I am beautiful, I am special, I am made for a unique purpose, I am His.

Oh, and as a bonus?  That post I wrote on Saturday called Sincerely, Freedom?  Nick Vitellaro ended up seeing my tweet about it and read the post and shared it with his followers.

Yes, this happened yesterday, but as I was sitting thinking about all the evidence and reminders that today brought me that God has a very specific plan for my life, I remembered this.  Somehow, from my little corner of the internet that barely anyone reads, I'm affecting people.

All will be well.  My Jesus is still the same.

Hopeful

I'm not sleeping as much as I expected to be, but I do feel very, very drained and think it's a good thing that I cleared my whole schedule for the week.

A huge good sign is that both today and yesterday, I've been feeling some improvement in my pain, which is great because my sweet nurse, Julie, said that most patients don't start to feel relief until after the full treatment is done, and I still have one more day to go, so to have some improvement already is great.

I tell ya, though, it's no wonder I'm so exhausted.  This infusion consists of nine different drugs, almost all of which are known for making you drowsy.  The funniest part about yesterday was as we were leaving, Mom looked at me and said, "I love how everyone else is walking out of here like they've been given horse tranquilizers, yet you look like someone just gave you an Oxycodone."  Tolerance build-up, gotta love it.  I've had almost all of these drugs before, just not all at the same time.

Here's what is in my glorious cocktail (with descriptions provided from this nifty little sheet the Infusion Center gave me):

Ativan - used for sedation and anxiety; also has slight anti-nausea properties

Benadryl - ....who doesn't know what Benadryl is?!

Reglan - has anti-emetic effects that help reduce symptoms of nausea and vomiting. You may also feel drowsy.

Toradol - a non-narcotic and non-steroidal analgesic and anti-inflammatory used in conjunction with other medicines to treat migraine headaches

DHE 45 - a non-narcotic cardiac classified medicine that is indicated to prevent or abort vascular headaches (meaning it constricts the blood vessels in my brain - and consequently throughout my body - to stop the migraines).

Decadron - a corticosteroid that has anti-inflammatory effects and reduces edema. It is used in conjunction with other medicines also through effective for the treatment of migraine headaches.

Magnesium - used to decrease spasms

Phenergan - anti-nausea medicine that can make you feel drowsy

Zofran - another anti-nausea medicine less sedating than Phenergan

They always give Ativan to me first, and I really like how it instantly relaxes me.  It reminds me of how Dilaudid makes me feel right with they give it to me, just without the all-over-body tingling sensation.  It's pretty nice, I'm usually passed out by the time they give me the Phenergan, and then I sleep straight through until it's over.

So yeah, there's the rundown.  I'm very blessed that I can get this now, and that not only are all my professors being incredibly understanding, but the Tutoring people at Student Services and the people I tutor are, as well.

God is good.  I'm hopeful that this is what's going to work for me and that my life can go back to normal finally.  He's got me, I know this much.

Non Stop

Today has been nuts.

Wake up.

Breakfast.

French grammar.

Infirmary appointment.  Turns out that I pulled six or seven different ligaments in my ankle and foot without a specific injury or accident to point to as the reason, which means I get to wear a fantastic brace for the next month or so.  And in the past two days the brace gave me a three inch blister on my lower leg, because I don't have any long socks, so there's extra doctoring involved for a while to let it heal.  The good news is there's nothing wrong with the bones.

Lunch.

Homework.

Then I actually got to have a break and have a phone chat with Taylor.  Love that kid.

Tutoring a freshman in Western Civ.

Dinner.

Shower.

Then two and a half hours of conjugating all sorts of French verbs with Ryann.  This class is killer.

And now I have to work on a paper that's due tomorrow.  Only problem is I feel brain dead.  But I'm not gonna have time to do it tomorrow before it's due.  This should be fun.

Yay college.

All over the place today.

I've covered a lot of emotions today.

From excitement over trying a new hairstylist today who made my hair look even better than it did before,

to fear and worry when I found out my CT results were in 24 hours after the scan, which is next to unheard of,

to relief when the CT almost definitely confirmed that the mass is just a hemangioma, and I won't have to do anything about it for 6 months to a year to check to make sure it hasn't grown,

to sadness when thinking about the 3 guys who have recently proved themselves to be exactly who I was afraid they were,

to absolute heartbreak when thinking about 1 of those guys in particular,

to anger over what he did, how he handled the aftermath, and his lack of remorse,

to butterflies over a boy who doesn't know how special he really is and how he makes me feel,

to a sense of 1000 pounds being lifted off my shoulders when I was able to spend an hour on the phone with a girlfriend who was the perfect mix of support, comfort, reality check, and wisdom,

to gratitude for all of the ways I see that God has blessed me today, that I am relatively healthy, and that I have so many people who truly know my heart and love me and tell me they want me to stay the same girl that I am right now.

It's been a crazy day.  I'm so relieved that I finally got an answer about my liver and that everything looked okay on the scan.  I also have a sense of peace about the decisions I've made to cut certain people out of my life since I realized that they serve no healthy purpose for me anymore, but I'm still a bit heartbroken.  I probably will be for a while.  I've been burned by people before, but not like this.  As much as it kills me to let people go, I have to do what is best for me.  And the best thing for my sanity right now is to completely remove anyone who is harmful.  I'll never be able to heal the damage that's been done if I don't.

So instead, I'm going to focus on the people who lift me up.  The girls who text me just to tell me they love me.  The boys who tell me they're ready to see me.  The people who are there when I need them and never expect anything in return.  I am so blessed.  I have to stay focused on that.

9 days to Campbell.

This song really has nothing to do with what I've written. I just found it today and pretty much fell in love with it.

Three Months: Just the beginning.

It's been three months.  Three months since that epic night in Nashville. Three months since God hit me harder than ever before and I found Him in a completely new way.

In some ways, it feels like my baptism happened yesterday, and in other ways, it feels like I've lived a lifetime since then.

I've never remembered the details of an event so clearly. I still remember everything, the sights, the people, the music, the emotions. That's why I'm so grateful for this blog, because if I ever do start to forget, I can just go back and read that post and be taken right back to the moment, the moment when I realized everything that had been waiting for me when I was too scared to let go and just FALL.

Until that night, I was too scared to give up my fight for control, even as I worked so hard to be closer to God. There, in that church, though, something miraculous happened. I felt God for the first time surrounding me. He was unmistakably in that room. He was in the hearts of all the people who led me to that decision. He was in the voices of the band. Despite knowing that 30 or more people also got baptized that night, in the moment, it felt like everyone involved was there to be His vessels to call me back to Him, like it was all for me.

I have learned more about what it means to be a Christian and who God is and the gravity of what Christ gave up for me in the past 3 months from a handful of people that were a part of that night than I learned in the nineteen and a half years of my life before that.  And I think I know why...

I think it's because that night, as miraculous and God-breathed as it was, was far more than the culmination of my years-long journey back to God. It was also the beginning.

It was the beginning of me giving my whole heart into making a real relationship with Christ.

It was the beginning of me longing after Him more than I long for the affection of other people.

It was the beginning of me running towards Him without being afraid of falling.

It was the beginning of me trusting other Christians and forming a community around me because I realize that I can't do this alone. He's put these people in my life, he put those certain people at Sanctuary that night for a reason.

It was the beginning of Him taking the years of healing I had to have and turning them into something more glorious than I could ever imagine.

Now, three months after that night, I am here in Washington, DC, living my dream. This is a dream I had given up all hope of when I was in the midst of those surgeries. I had given up on God, I had given up on having a normal life again, I had given up on my future being bright. I've said it so many times today, but if you had told me in 2009 or 2010 that 2012 would turn out to be like this, I would have told you that you were insane. But no. I had turned my back on God completely, and He was still planning and setting things up to give me this ridiculous blessing. And not only that, I have more quality friends now than I know what to do with.  That kind of love is unimaginable. This is what it feels like to be faced with something you cannot understand, no matter how hard you try. It blows my mind.

When I wrote that post about the night of April 5, I titled it "The beginning of the rest of my life." I had no idea it would have this kind of meaning. He has done more in the past 91 days than anyone who was there to witness the miracles that night could have ever predicted. That night, my baptism, was the start of the most magnificent transformation that will continue for the rest of my time on this earth.

To the people involved, and you know who you are, I thank God for your willingness to be His hands in my life every day.  You have challenged me, prayed for me, prayed with me, and kept me focused when I had my moments of human weakness.  You are angels in my eyes, every single one of you.  I pray that God blesses you a thousand fold for the gift that you have been to me.

Thanks be to God. And that's all there really is left to say.

First time for everything.

YAY GOOD NEWS!

My ultrasound came back clear.  The hormones did what they were supposed to do.  That means I don't have to have a D&C next week.  Hallelujah for avoiding an annoying and painful procedure.

I think this is the first time in my entire life that my body has responded properly on the first try to the first medication.  It's a miracle, I tell you. 

And whoa, in the middle of writing this post, I just got a phone call from Matt.  His entire life has apparently fallen together in no time flat.  Between graduating on the 10th and today, he's found a way to move to Raleigh in a week.  That means I have WAY less time than I thought I did.  He and a friend found a $700/month, 2-bedroom, completely refurbished apartment, and the only utility they have to pay extra for is electricity.  (And yes, they've seen it in person so it's not a scam!)  He's got an $11/hour dishwashing job, seeing as there's currently a hiring freeze in NC, but his friend's mom is cosigning the lease so that if he gets a teaching job and needs to leave in July or whatever to move somewhere else to teach, no one will get hurt by a broken contract.  (I'm not totally sure how it works.  He talks super fast and this is all I could gather from what he said.  Ha!)  I'm so happy for him.  He's best when he's busy.  Chilling around Swansboro would've gotten really boring and frustrating to him really quickly.  This quick conversation was a great distraction for me tonight. :)

Tomorrow I'm going out running errands with Mom and stuff, and we've gotta leave super early because Chelsea has to be at work at 7, so I better get to bed!

That was a hurricane?

If you were a weatherman, and you came to Campbell to survey the evidence of the hurricane, you'd think you'd gone mentally insane.

Why?  Because Buies Creek looks like Hurricane Irene had a giant hole in it.  It barely rained and we've had stronger winds on a sunny October day.

It was ODD.

On the upside, Swansboro and the surrounding areas fared pretty well.  There's still some power outage, but Mom said she drove around town and didn't see anything more serious than downed trees and houses that lost some siding.  For a town ten minutes from the coast, that's really good.  :)

I was amazed that Irene downgraded to a Category 1 before it even made landfall, so that definitely helped. 

Weather is just weird.  Earthquakes, a hurricane, and tornadoes all in the same week!

I'm so relieved that nothing major happened.  I don't think my mom could handle one more ounce of stress right now.

Thanks for praying!  Please keep praying for the rest of the east coast!  :)

Hallelujah.

I really, really, really like my new doctor!  She's so nice and actually listened to me and trusted that I know what's going on with me (I haven't had the greatest experience with past doctors in that area).

She says from my description of the headaches, she really does think that they're migraines (not stress headaches, mother!) and had lots of things to say.

I have to go off my birth control pill because girls my age have fluctuating estrogen levels and BCPs can mess with that and cause headaches.  This was the only thing I didn't like about my appointment today, because without the pill, my periods are going to be ten times worse than they already are.  Mom expects me to just deal with it, and I'm telling her I want to see either my family doctor or a gynecologist about it when I get home for Christmas.  Hello, woman, something is obviously wrong in that department! (Yes, she's just in a stellar mood today.)

She emailed my pharmacy a prescription for a new medicine called Maxalt-MLT for these headaches, and she gave me a few samples because I told her I wouldn't be able to pick the med up till Friday.  I took one when I got in the car after the appointment.  My terrible headache was almost gone in thirty minutes. Praise Jesus.  And they dissolve on your tongue and leave a minty fresh aftertaste. :)

She told me I need to check with my dentist because my temple muscles are super strong which indicates that I might grind my teeth in my sleep.  If I do, that could be adding to the problem, but I told her I just went to the dentist this past spring, and they've never said anything to me about that, but I told her I'd check.

I also might have to do a sleep study because she wants to make sure I don't have sleep apnea.  But I've never done any of the things that she said people who have it usually do, so I'm not too concerned about it.

I also have to keep a log of every headache I get from now till early January when I go back to see her.

Oh, and the icing on the cake of a very productive appointment?  She told me she never would've guessed that I'm 18.  She thought I was 24.  I love it when that happens.

Thank you, God, for putting what I truly believe is the right doctor in my path.

Ow.

My new discovery of the day: If you don't walk in a normal tennis shoe for three and a half months, it'll hurt when you finally do.

Deep stuff, huh?

I was finally able to wear a regular tennis shoe on my right foot today.  I haven't done that since my second foot surgery on July 23. I walked down the hall of my dorm and to the nearby dining hall. 

I'm not allowed to walk all the way to class yet.  My doc wants me to take things slow to not stress the bones that only had 2 months to fuse (it usually takes at least 6 months, usually a year).  It's a good thing he told me not to walk to class yet.

Because the little bit I did today?  Let me tell you; it hurt.

Ow numero dos? The nasty rash-like dry skin thing I've got going on on my right arm where the PICC line was.  My skin does not react well to adhesive, and I had adhesive there for six weeks, so it's just nasty, and I can't find anything to help it.

Basically, other than that, I'm just stressed. I can't wait for this semester to be over.

A Long Weekend

This was a long weekend.  I got a lot of work done, but of course it wasn't as much as I needed to get done.

My mom's birthday is today, and of course the poor girl has been sick as a dog since Friday.  I tried to convince her to cancel the family dinner last night, and she wouldn't because "I was home."  Yeah, I don't get it, either.

Doctors appointments were fine.  My surgeon said my foot looked great, and I don't have to keep it wrapped anymore, and HOORAY I CAN SCRUB IT!!!!  Sorry, just a little excited about it. :) 

The infectious disease lady basically just looked at my foot and said it's good, see ya in two weeks. 

I go back to ID on November 1, and then go back to both my surgeon and ID on November 8.  Best part about November 8? That's the day I get my PICC line out! Let the countdown begin. :)

I'm back.

Well, that was a surprisingly quick ER trip.

Thank heavens I'm okay.

I've just apparently injured all the soft tissue in my right foot right around where Dr. P operated, so I'm to take pain meds and stay off it till it gets better.

I got a shot of Dilaudid and Phenergan at the hospital, but I was crying for two hours before they could give it to me because seeing as how it's late, I couldn't get up with anyone to come get me and they had to know I had a ride before they'd give me narcotics. And I understood that, but it didn't really help with how much pain I was in. And my kinda rude nurse kept saying "calm down, calm down" and finally I yelled at her "You have no idea how bad this hurts!" (I didn't mean to yell, and yes, I apologized later.)

Thankfully, a Campus Safety guy came and got me. I had no idea that was included in their job description, but apparently it is!

So...fun night, huh? I've got to eat something and then I am crashing.

Nothing in my life...

can EVER go off smoothly.

You didn't hear from me yesterday because I unexpectedly had to stay overnight in the hospital.

Why? you may ask.

Because the docs didn't do general anesthesia, they did sedation with a foot block that would keep the foot numb longer than usual. And since I wasn't under general anesthesia, I didn't have a breathing tube in and ended up aspirating on fluid during the surgery. Because of that, the top of my right lung collapsed. (Ironically, in November, the bottom of my right lung collapsed with that staph pneumonia.) My oxygen sats were at like 85 almost steadily without an oxygen mask, and they had to keep me overnight to make sure I didn't contract pneumonia.

The good news is that staying vernight on oxygen cleared it all up, and so I got home around 3 this afternoon.

The most annoying part about the whole thing was that my mom wasn't there from 7:30 last night to 12:15 this afternoon. I was not a happy camper. But I knew she had to go last night because she didn't have her heart meds with her because we weren't expecting an overnight stay, so I didn't get upset then. I did, however, get irritated because she said she would be back at 10 am and didn't even get out of bed till then. I blame that on loneliness and lack of sleep. (I literally was only sleeping in 15-20 minutes increments all night, despite the drugs.) I got over it by the time she got there, though.

This cast I have over my foot feels like a cinderblock that's cutting off the circulation. It's not very fun. My mom has looked in the top of the cast and was amazed at how straight my toes are. :) I can't wait till I get the chance to see it! June 7th, I go back and get this cast taken off, new X-rays and an exam of the foot, and hopefully the cast he's putting back on isn't quite as bulky or heavy as this one.

The weird thing is that the last thing I remember is saying bye to my mom before surgery. Usually, I can remember up until they wheel me into the OR. (A few times I've told OR nurses that the OR smelled really good.) But apparently, the sedative drugs they gave me were quicker to work than I ever expected them to.

Gotta go! Mom made me a steak sandwich! MMMMMMMM.

Update on my mom.

In the catheterization, they found that one of my mom's main arteries was 80% blocked.
She went into surgery about 3:45 to get a stint put in. The stint will open up the blockage and should take care of all her chest pain and blood pressure issues.
They'll watch her for 24 hours, and as long as all her numbers are good, she will be able to come home tomorrow evening.
Words can't describe how happy and thankful I am that someone finally figured out what has been going on with her. It was so frustrating to have our doctor put her on medication after medication with nothing happening.
Thank you for praying!

**Update 5:52 pm: My grandma just called. My mom's out of surgery and okay. Hallelujah!