Friday, August 10, 2012

All over the place today.

I've covered a lot of emotions today.

From excitement over trying a new hairstylist today who made my hair look even better than it did before,

to fear and worry when I found out my CT results were in 24 hours after the scan, which is next to unheard of,

to relief when the CT almost definitely confirmed that the mass is just a hemangioma, and I won't have to do anything about it for 6 months to a year to check to make sure it hasn't grown,

to sadness when thinking about the 3 guys who have recently proved themselves to be exactly who I was afraid they were,

to absolute heartbreak when thinking about 1 of those guys in particular,

to anger over what he did, how he handled the aftermath, and his lack of remorse,

to butterflies over a boy who doesn't know how special he really is and how he makes me feel,

to a sense of 1000 pounds being lifted off my shoulders when I was able to spend an hour on the phone with a girlfriend who was the perfect mix of support, comfort, reality check, and wisdom,

to gratitude for all of the ways I see that God has blessed me today, that I am relatively healthy, and that I have so many people who truly know my heart and love me and tell me they want me to stay the same girl that I am right now.

It's been a crazy day.  I'm so relieved that I finally got an answer about my liver and that everything looked okay on the scan.  I also have a sense of peace about the decisions I've made to cut certain people out of my life since I realized that they serve no healthy purpose for me anymore, but I'm still a bit heartbroken.  I probably will be for a while.  I've been burned by people before, but not like this.  As much as it kills me to let people go, I have to do what is best for me.  And the best thing for my sanity right now is to completely remove anyone who is harmful.  I'll never be able to heal the damage that's been done if I don't.

So instead, I'm going to focus on the people who lift me up.  The girls who text me just to tell me they love me.  The boys who tell me they're ready to see me.  The people who are there when I need them and never expect anything in return.  I am so blessed.  I have to stay focused on that.

9 days to Campbell.

This song really has nothing to do with what I've written. I just found it today and pretty much fell in love with it.

1 comment:

  1. hugs from another blogger who has days full like this too! so glad your scan results were good...keep smiling and being happy, its hard somedays but worth it xxx