Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I think my computer has a virus.

And it's really annoying to use the on-screen keyboard, so I won't be around till I can get it fixed.

Just wanted to tell y'all so you didn't worry. :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

SO proud, and yet SO mad.

My mom got called to her principal's office today. We knew it was coming. She's been out a LOT because she's been so sick. Frankly, she was expecting to get fired. Again.

Well, she didn't get fired. BUT not only was the principal trying to get her to resign, he brought into two guys from the county office to intimidate her, too. They're trying to get her to resign because HELLO!, they can't legally fire someone for legit medical reasons.

I have NEVER been more proud of her. I am so proud and honored to say that she is my mother. It takes an unbelievably strong woman to be able to sit there with three men harassing her and being horrible to her and keep her composure. Yet she did just that. Again, I am PROUD.

But also, I am unbelievably infuriated with these jerks who apparently don't have the heart to realize that she is a single mom with health issues working her ass off 24/7 to try and take care of her family. That she is doing everything she possibly can to be there for her family, be there for her students, and make sure she doesn't literally kill herself in the process. (Not talking suicide, just that she's got a crapload of health issues and we still don't know what's wrong or how serious it is.) How can they not understand that?! If I wasn't smart enough to realize it wouldn't do a thing except possibly make it worse, I'd talk to that idiot of a principal. Oh yeah, because did I mention he's blaming my mom for a bunch of lies and stuff that isn't her fault in hopes that he'll soon have enough OTHER reasons to fire her? Yeah. So you get why I'm mad.

Sigh. I'm tired of my mom feeling beat up from all sides, and feeling like she has to be a protective parent and won't let me help her or be there for her.

Monday, April 25, 2011

The Last Monday

That's crazy.

Once this semester is over, I may never see some of my friends again. I can think of four who are graduating, and one who is transferring, and I may be forgetting some. (It's late.) That's sad. Goodbyes are hard. And please don't give me the cliché "It's not goodbye, it's see you later" because I've heard it.

But that aside, this semester has FLOWN. BY.

It's been crazy.

It's been good great.

It's been full of surprises.

I have learned so many things about myself this semester. I have made friends with people I never in a million years would've guessed I'd be friends with. I joined my first Bible study. I came further out of my shell. I stopped being homesick. My health was finally (relatively) normal. I got to help lots of people. I got to go to my first real concert.

No, I haven't been a fan of some of my classes, and I'm ready for those to be done, but part of me wishes that I could stay with the people who have helped shape me.

On Wednesday, our French class (of six people) is having an end of the year party to celebrate that three of us six, Kyle, Tyler, and Ian, are graduating. Tyler and Ian are the two guys I've pretty much dragged through the semester, and Kyle, as I've already said this week, has quickly become more of a friend than I ever thought was possible. (Yeah, I know, Ephesians 3:20.) I plan on taking my camera in order to memorialize the last time the four of us are together. Heck, Kyle's apparently moving to France, so who knows when any of us will see him again? It's going to be a beautiful but bittersweet day. At least I'll get to see Kyle and Ryann next week when they help me move, and Ian, and Tyler maybe. Then that really will be the end.

But let's not think about that right now. I'm off to finish my last Lifetime Wellness lab. 15 labs are due on Wednesday, and once I finish this last one, I'll have done 14 since Saturday.

Oh come on. What kind of a college student would I be if I didn't procrastinate on something? ;)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Color me surprised.

Ryann (and her name is pronounced like Ryan, by the way) and Kyle gave me a ride back to school today. I'd told them about Mom being sick and how she might have a tumor (results tomorrow), and when they came over Friday night, Mom asked them if they'd give me a ride. Her excuse was that it's a lot of gas to use, which is true, but mostly, it was because she feels horrible. (She doesn't know I told anyone. I know she wouldn't want me to, but I need a support system.)

Anyway, that car ride was full of surprises for me. I honest to God had no idea how sweet and caring Ryann and Kyle are, or how much they considered me a friend! They listened to me vent about how stressed/scared I am about what's going on with Mom, I told them about Chelsea, about life after Dad died, everything - at least way more than I normally tell people I'm not very close with!

I don't remember how it came up, but at one point, Ryann asked me what I used to think of her and Kyle, like during last semester's French class when we rarely ever spoke to each other. I told Ryann I thought she was conceited and b*tchy, and I thought Kyle was the really popular guy who only spoke to people that were as cool as he was. They both told me that they thought I was a quiet, studious bookworm who liked to show off her intelligence. Well, today we all admitted that we were completely wrong about each other!

Ryann said it best: "At the beginning of the year, I never would've guessed that the three of us would ever be friends, that we would ever cross paths." Now, she and Kyle are best friends, and she and I are thrilled to get to take a bunch more French classes now that we're both adding a French double major. (Did I forget to mention that? ;))

And it's true. I never thought that a gorgeous, popular athlete and a hot, popular guy would ever want to be friends with me.

So to wrap it up, basically, today, this wonderful Easter Sunday, God has shown me that I am truly BLESSED through the love, friendship, and support of two people with whom I never expected to be friends.

Oh, and the icing on the cake of awesomeness is they both offered to help me move out of my dorm next Thursday. Another kid from our French class, Ian, is bringing his vehicle to help with the bed, and now Holly won't have to miss a shift at work to come help, which is good since she already missed three days because of the car accident.

This is beautiful.

What color would surprised be, anyway?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

What A Nice Feeling

Today was a typical weekend day in our house.

I.E. We did nothing.

Poor Mom. She feels absolutely horrible and still wouldn't quit apologizing that she wasn't spending time with me. Like I'm really going to be mad at her right now.

Anyway, the "nice feeling" that the title of this post is referring to is how good it feels that other people besides Matt actually genuinely want to spend time with me.

I've mentioned several times before that I have a very difficult time making friends. After the horrendous experience that was 12 years of grade school, I honestly felt like no one besides Matt liked me. It sure as heck felt that way after being bullied for so long. College hasn't been so easy, either; all of my medical issues had made it pretty impossible for me to go out and get involved in things up until recently.

Now, things are finally starting to feel different. I feel like I CAN actually make friends!

Exhibit A: my Bible study girls. Those girls are so sweet. We're all there for each other 100%, listening, laughing, giving hugs when needed. I was talking to one of them, Elizabeth, about all the Landon stuff, and at the end of one Facebook message she wrote, "Remember: God loves you and so do we!"

Exhibit B: I had no idea she liked me this much, but yesterday while I was texting her, Ryann told me she considers me one of her few friends at Campbell. She wanted her and Kyle to take me to dinner, too, but I couldn't because of Chelsea's birthday dinner. The whole hanging out thing was initiated by her, and she was totally there for me as I kinda freaked out about the stuff with Mom. And for a long time I thought Kyle didn't like me very much because of all the crap that he gave me during class, well, Ryann explained to me a while back that Kyle gives me so much crap because he likes me!

The point is this: I'm finally starting to feel like less of an outcast. I feel like I have people around me who do really want to spend time with me because they like me, not out of pity like was my experience for so long. I guess this is just another step in God helping me to shed those trust issues.

Such a beautiful feeling. :D

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Bright Side

So in order to end on a high note, I'm gonna start with the bad stuff and end with the good stuff.

Bad :(

Holly got in a car accident Tuesday and totaled her car.
Mom got an MRI today to check for a tumor on the nerves behind her ear.
Mom broke her tooth on the way to pick me up yesterday.
We're flat broke and this is a lot of expensive stuff happening.
Mom has been summoned to her principal's office Tuesday AM because she's been out so much for the medical crap she's dealing with and we don't know if she's gonna get fired.
All this combined has sent my stress level through the roof.

Good :)

We got Holly a new car today.
Holly's OKAY, and only ended up with bruises and soreness after a T-bone accident.
The car's in Holly's name so my mom doesn't have to worry about paying for it.
Mom has a workday on Monday and can go to the dentist.
Reports will be in Monday of the MRI.
We have medical insurance!
My grandma is amazing and helps my mom so much.
We got to go to Outback with all the family (Uncle Kirk, Aunt Donna, and Bri, too)
My friends Ryann and Kyle came down to the beach for the weekend and I got to see them tonight and they are driving me back to Campbell on Sunday so Mom doesn't have to make the 5 hour trip.
I talked to Matt for half an hour about everything. My mom is his 'other mother' so he's worried, too, and he helped me stay calm.
I have lots of friends praying.

Moral of the story, boys and girls? Find the bright side. It tends to help you stay sane.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


It's been a long day.

A very, very stressful day.

But my mom, Holly, Chelsea, and me, we're all finally in the same house together for the first time since Christmas.

So for tonight, life is good.

I'll update more about our always interesting life tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Details

Remember the mystery event where I was freaked out to the point that I couldn't even tell you guys the details about what was happening?

Well here goes.

Remember Landon, Holly's ex? And how we talked through Facebook messages despite my mom being furious about it? And how I finally added him as my friend on Facebook because I just didn't care anymore?

Well, two days before I posted that mystery post, everything changed. Saturday night, March 26th, we were up late talking on Facebook. The conversation lasted a good two and a half hours. It was a very deep conversation sometimes and a very goofy, light-hearted conversation at other times. He was drunk, so I knew not to take anything he said, even some of the really deep stuff, too seriously. About two hours into the conversation, so about 1:15 am on the 27th, he asked me, "If I tell you something, would it offend you?" And I said no. He said, "Something sexual?" And by that I was obviously intrigued, so I said no again. He said, "I used to fantasize about you." I kinda laughed it off because I knew he was drunk, but then he kept going on about it, like how this one time years ago I answered the door in a towel. He said something like he hoped I wasn't offended, and I told him I wasn't. And here is where I screwed up: I should've stopped the conversation at the very first comment, but I didn't.

In fact, I may have kind of egged it on. Because I was enjoying hearing something like that for the first time.

After 25 or 30 minutes, though, I truly was getting uncomfortable, and I was tired, so I got off the computer and went to bed laughing. By the time I woke up, I had become way more rational and knew I needed to talk to him to clarify some things, like the fact that he and I know that things could probably never work out between us because of Holly. I spent all of that Sunday trying to text him, and got no response. So by that night, I went to find him on Facebook. He wasn't on my friends list, so I thought he deleted me. I went to people's pages whom I know he was friends with, and didn't find his profile on their lists, either. So for some bizarre, unexplainable reason, my immediate thought was that he deleted his profile. It wasn't till the next night that my friend Hannah (who has actually met him before) told me she found his profile, so he just blocked me.

He blocked me. With no explanation and no real reason. I felt blindsided. And absolutely heartbroken, which surprised me. And here's the thing.

I didn't realize how much I cared about him until he was gone.

Anyway, fast forward to this past Monday, and I was looking on Chelsea's FB at her friends, and I realized I could see his profile. So that was how I knew he unblocked me. So I sent him a message that basically said I want to know what the heck happened, and to please give me that much. I got back this:

"I got drunk, crossed the line, and promptly regained awareness of that line all in the same night." So basically he freaked the hell out.

I get that. I do. But that doesn't make how he responded okay.

So yesterday I responded with "So? I wasn't offended. I knew you were drunk. It really hurt me to wake up the next day to find you had blocked me and cut off all contact. Can we please have a real, adult conversation? No bullcrap, no barriers. I'm not a little girl anymore. I don't need to be protected or sheltered. Whatever you're hiding, I want to hear it. Because maybe I'm hiding some things, too."

I've yet to hear anything back. And if I don't by the morning, I already have written out what I'm going to send him. It basically spells out every detail of how I feel. It's bold, it's risky, but I feel like at this point I don't have any other choice. If he's not going to voluntarily give me closure, I'm going to have to take it myself.

Part of me is absolutely infuriated that he's lied to me, and part of me just feels really bad for him. He's obviously terrified of something. And I know I can't let myself get strung along forever, which is why if he isn't man enough to do it first, I'll say what I've got to say. Because I care about him that much, that deeply.

Oh, yes, you guessed it. I pretty much fell for my sister's ex-boyfriend.

Please don't judge. I know it's bad. And he and I both know what a disaster this is, and that we could probably never work out. But somehow, through all our conversations, I got feelings for him, feelings way stronger than I used to have. And you know what? I think he has feelings for me, too.

To be continued...

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I almost went to bed without blogging.

Yesterday was dull. I sat down at the computer wanting to blog, and I literally could not think of a single word to say.

Today? Eh, a little more interesting. I got up an hour early to go help a guy prepare for our Stats exam that was at 11 today. Then I got a migraine (AGAIN) and skipped Science. Then I ate lunch. Then I waited for my migraine to go away. Then I did homework. Then I met with Tyler and created what I think is a hilarious dialogue. Then I watched TV and did more homework. (Glee FINALLY came back!!!) And now here we are.

I actually did have something I wanted to blog about, but now I have another bad migraine, so forget that. I'm going to bed. The thing I want to blog about has absolutely drained my energy.

Sunday, April 17, 2011


That's the only word I can think of that even comes close to describing this weekend.


Yes, tornadoes and all.

Of course 98% of that has to do with the amazing time I had in Charlotte on Friday, but also?

This is the first time in I don't even know how long that I felt blissfully happy the entire weekend.  Even reading a 40-page History chapter didn't irritate me.  The power going out yesterday was nothing. 

I just can't quit smiling.  I keep running over everything that's happened and I feel like I'm glowing from sheer happiness.  All over a concert and some pretty magnificent people.

Freaky? Quite possibly.  But so awesome.

Also awesome: I get to go home on Thursday.

Life is good.

Well that was odd.

Since my last blog post was all about the awesomeness that was last night, I figured I should catch you up on today.  Because what a day it has been.

Due to our late arrival back at Campbell last night, I slept in till noon.  Felt good, too.  I ate lunch, and caught up on all I missed online.  About 3:15, I decided to take a shower because I was far too exhausted to do it last night.  It takes like 15 minutes for my water to heat up.  Right after 3:30, I went to turn on my bedroom light, and flash! The power went off. 

Bizarre timing, no?

Then, everything else shut off.  Ha.  I tried to call my RD, but my cell phone reception sucked as usual, and my dorm phone was dead.  So I threw on some clothes and opened my door, and found my RD walking super fast down the hall with a flashlight yelling, "Everyone okay?!  Everyone in the hallway!  We're under a tornado warning!"  Which was a surprise to me because I didn't even hear any storms outside.  I haven't been in a tornado warning in a long, long time.  We don't really get tornadoes on the coast! Haha.  Tornadoes are rare at home, they basically never make it as far east as I live.  The last tornado warning I remember having to hole up for was when we were on our cross country trip in 2001.  In Iowa.

So I went and sat in the middle of the hallway.  With very obnoxious girls.  And then a girl from a nearby apartment building came in with her dog and everyone was telling the owner to let the dog loose and I had to explain to a hallway full of people I frankly don't know that well that THE DOG CAN NOT COME NEAR ME because I AM ALLERGIC and YES I AM SERIOUS.  Then, a girl sitting across from me started waving her flashlight all around really quickly and another girl said "Good thing I'm not epileptic" and I said "But I am, so could you stop, please."  HAH. Talk about awkward moments.

Anyway, we were basically counting down the minutes because we were all bored stiff, and that hall floor is uncomfortable!  The tornado warning was supposed to end at 4:00, and literally at 3:57, our RD came in the hall from manning the front entrance and said it got extended till 4:30.  They first said that we could go to our rooms if we wanted because the tornados seemed to be staying away from us, but like 2 minutes later, we found out tornadoes were in both of the towns that neighbor us.  So back to the hall.  And we sat there till 4:30.  Thankfully I got my iPod at 4:00 because OH MY WORD those girls were obnoxious!  So anyway, long story short, I went back to my room at 4:30, did my French homework by the light coming in my window, and then had to use a bit of my computer battery to finish it.  I texted my mom a bit, and about 5:30 the power finally came back on.

I just saw online that there were 62 tornadoes in North Carolina today.  So far the death toll is 4 for NC along with 17 in three other states.  The closest bad damage I know is that a Food Lion about 10 miles away had its roof torn off. :-/

SO yeah.  This has been quite a weekend.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Great music and greater people equals one heck of a night.

Um, short story?  Last night ROCKED.

Oh, what's that? You want details?  Well, *sigh* OKAY. ;)

Amy came and picked me up just after 3:00.  We made it into Charlotte just after 6:00 (proving Google CAN actually be right on their time estimations).  We found the venue easily because it was right on the corner.  Then, we used her nifty little iPhone and located a Burger King where we could grab some dinner.  We got back to Evening Muse (the venue) just as the doors opened at 7.  It was very small, but nice, and the stickers and decorations on the walls reminded me of The Cavern in Liverpool (where The Beatles were discovered).

The stage
Seeing as there was really nowhere for them to hide, I saw the band immediately.  I got hugs from everyone and introduced them to Amy.  They were all incredibly impressed when they found out it was a 3 hour drive. :)  We mostly just sat there for the next 45 minutes or so, talking to them occasionally, but they were pretty busy changing and making sure everything was set up and stuff. 

us waiting
 Bruno and Phoebe even had to restring a banjo and a guitar!

A little before 8, Taylor told us to come outside and chill with them.  They started playing music trying to entice people to come in for the show because at that point, Amy and I were still the only ones who had come. 

By 8:10, several people had gone into the venue, so we went back inside for the show.  It was AWESOME.  Callie gave us a "shout-out" for coming three hours.  I even got to do the introductions of the band to the other people in the audience.  Bruno asked me if I needed a microphone and I just said, "No, I can yell." Haha!  Callie had mentioned that Taylor and Bruno just celebrated their birthdays so I said "That's Taylor, he turned 22 on Monday, that's Callie and she's 20, that's Phoebe and she's 18, and this is Bruno and he turned 20 last Thursday."  And then Bruno said "And that's Mallory, and she's 19."  So I yelled back "Wrong! Not yet! Not for 2 months!" because I'd told him my birthday was exactly two months from yesterday.  And Callie laughed and said, "You fail."  Haha, it was awesome.  Anyway, I didn't take pictures because I was so close that I didn't want the flash to bother them, but I did get some good videos.  Amy took pics, though, with her iPhone since it doesn't need a flash to get good pics.  Here are two of my favorite Vespers songs.  The first is called "Railroad Boy" which they didn't write - it's an old Irish folktale song or something - and the second is called "Tell Your Mama" which they DID write themselves.  (The people sitting behind me thought it was from a movie, which is what you'll hear me explain in the video.)

They finished somewhere between 9:30 and 10:00.  I don't know because I didn't look at my cell phone the entire night. I just know it was somewhere around then because they had to quickly pack everything up because another band was coming on at 10:30.  We waited for some of the other people to clear out of the way first so I could actually talk to them.  I got them to sign my poster of them that I bought of their website.  Bruno wrote a sweet note on there for me. :)  Amy and I each bought a t-shirt, which are CRAZY soft by the way.  I managed to get some pictures with everyone in the midst of the craziness.

I love Phoebe's curly hair! :)


Taylor, me and Bruno - the lighting is weird cause we had to go outside to get out of the way of the other band

By this point, the band was starving and it was 10:30, so Amy and I left.  We stopped at a freaky gas station where I had to yell through a hole in a window just to get a soda and Amy got gas, and then we went to another gas station so we could get some snacks.  Then, we plugged in my iPod and I sang for almost the entire drive home in an attempt to keep us both awake.  We rolled in somewhere around 1:35.

Amazing night.  Amazing.  It made me that much more determined to find a gig for the band near Swansboro this summer so that they can come down. :)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I feel like Annie after she met Daddy Warbucks.

TOOOOOOOOOMORROW! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow! You're only a DAY (BA DUM BUM BUM) AAAAAA-(BA DUM BUM BUM)-WAAAAAAAAY!!

I woke up with the cramps from hell today.

I tried to go to breakfast before class with the Bible study girls, and I felt like I was gonna pass out the entire time.

So I called my Statistics teacher and explained to her my dilemma.  You're only allowed to miss four classes in TTH classes, and I thought that I was already at that max.  She checked her computer and said that I was only at 3 according to that because some days she doesn't record the attendance in her computer if she doesn't have time or whatever.  Thus, I could miss today without failing.

Hallelujah. Gifts from God come in all forms.

I feel better tonight thankfully because NOTHING is getting in the way of me and Charlotte! :D

Amy and I leave at 3:00 tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It's been a rough day.

A very rough day.

An embarassing day.

"That time of the month" started in the middle of History.

I had CUW right after that, so I couldn't go back to my room and change.

So because of that, I feel like crap right now.

Plus I felt completely stupid and embarassed in French.

BUT I survived. 

And I got to go to Bible Study!  Which is always the highlight of my Wednesday.  Those girls are awesome.  That's all there is to it.

So yeah.  Nothing real exciting is happening.  Just making it day by day. And counting down the hours till I leave for Charlotte! :D (As of now 40 hours and 42 minutes! Ha!)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Alphabet Soup

That's literally what my History teacher's reading guide has titled the section of stuff we're learning right now.

What am I talking about? you non-History buffs (or foreigners, HI JD! :D) may ask.

FDR's New Deals Acts and Agencies.

The WPA, PWA, CWA, CCC, NIRA, NRA, NHA, FERA, SEC and on and on and on and on!

And tonight, as I've been trying to study what each act and agency did for my quiz tomorrow, it's frankly all starting to look like shdp8iwhwefasd9fgu9=wetr=w34tsd=fsdfgxcb]0jasjrarewji9a-weta-q3werhvaerg with some asidfrwaie8t-agdhfgbadfhgbahuwer-qet just for good measure.

Gotta love it, eh? :)

Ha, I'm just kidding. I would sit through an entire course on the New Deal before I took one more science course.

My muscles have been aching a LOT since my workout yesterday. I've never had the pain last this long afterwards.  Guess that's a good sign?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off for some more asdfaiu-8r-shbdf8yb-cv;oij-p-ijojiojh9apohserauihwerhgfahf8g-9arhgt-ar9et8waer8t9rgtyw-e5u8r9w8-9triuo7oyiu.


Monday, April 11, 2011

One Reason Why

Did I mention I love Campbell? :D

Here's my reason of the day:

I remembered this morning that our Science Lab today was going to be traveling to Raven Rock State Park, which isn't far away from campus.

The high today was 91 degrees.

91 degrees + outdoor lab + my heat-triggered seizure disorder = bad bad plan

Thankfully, I saved my professor's cell phone number in my phone at the beginning of the semester when he gave it to all of us.

So I called him and all I got out was "Dr. L, I'm really nervous about going to Raven Rock today" before he said "Oh don't worry about it, talk to me after class tomorrow and I'll come up with a substitute assignment you can do for the lab report."

Just like that. No big deal

At Campbell, I'm not an ID number like I would be at a big university.  My professors know each and every one of their students.  They know what's happening.  I truly believe every one of my professors truly cares about me and my understanding of their class.

I. love. this. school.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


Got all the work done!

At a very good hour, too, might I add.

Plus, I'm showered and shaved and all warm and toasty.

So it's a good day.

Time is flying by.

Yes, I always feel like weekends go super fast,

but the truth is, the school weeks go by just as quickly.

I mean, tomorrow is my last Science lab (and hallelujah for that)!

There's 7 more MWF classes and 5 more TTH classes.


Let's just hope I can make it to May 5th with an ounce of my sanity, eh?

I love Campbell.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

I may go to bed early.

I've had a productive day, and really, I just don't feel like doing anything else.

I woke up at 12.
Ate lunch.
Took a shower.
Looked up in my book how long all of the chapters are.
Found out my professor was wrong - there are 24 chapters in the book, not 23.
Wrote down all the page numbers of the chapters per section.
Read section 7, chapters 18-21.
Took test.
Read section 8, chapters 22-24.
Took test.
Ate dinner.
Did laundry.

So it was a productive 10 hours. 

Tomorrow I'll do section 5, chapters 13-15, and section 6, chapters 16-17.

Another day down.

Friday, April 8, 2011

My Goal for the Weekend

Because, for once, I don't have any other homework to do.

(Well, I did have French homework, but I already did that tonight.)

The goal: Read sections 5-8 in Lifetime Wellness and complete the online tests.

That's 11 chapters.

The chapters take me about an hour each to read.

I think I can do two tomorrow and two on Sunday.

As long as I don't let procrastination get in the way.

Willpower, ladies and gents.

(See, I avoided using the word "peeps".)

And now, I have a migraine, so I must go.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

So. Deliriously. Overtired.

I'm sleeping like CRAP nowadays.

Who knows why.

I can even be in bed at a good hour and if by chance I do fall asleep, that will be the night I wake up seven times.

Working too hard?  Maybe.

Stress?  Definitely.

The good news is that I can honestly say right now I feel happy.

Happy happy.

Don't know why that is, either.

But hey, why look a gift horse in the mouth?

I'm happy tomorrow is Friday.

Because it's Friday.

And next Friday is when Amy and I go to Charlotte.

And I'm so excited for Charlotte!

Which means I'll have exactly one week.

Today is one of the Vespers' birthday. Bruno. He's 20.

And Monday Taylor, another Vesper, turns 22.

Random useless information is my speciality, peeps.

I don't know why I've started using the word "peeps" but I have.

Trust me, I am an incredibly white white girl.

On the other hand, Matt can be a black white boy sometimes.

I hope that doesn't sound racist, that's not me or my point.

Okay, I'll shut up now.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

When will I learn?

We pay good money to come to Campbell, you know.

Tuition alone is almost $22,000 a year. 

Add in all the other miscellaneous fees, and you're looking at a crisp $30,000 check coming in every year from about 5000 students.

You'd think with that kind of cash, this place would be hooked up.

Ha, well, I just about had a freak out this morning thanks to Campbell's stellar internet maintenance.

We're in the middle of registration for the fall.  Once you are past your first semester, you can sign up for classes online and then just have your advisor sign off on it after he/she reviews the classes you picked.  There are blocks of days for different people to sign up based on the number of credit hours completed.  Today was the first day that I could sign up.

I got up this morning and as I ate breakfast went on to sign up.  I already talked with my advisor last week, so I knew exactly what classes I wanted.  Well, it took me 30 tries just to get the search box to open up, and then the class came up, and I hit Select to register for it and bum, bum, bum........BLANK SCREEN.

Yes, I'm aware I'm Type A.

Yes, I'm aware that it wasn't crucial that I sign up for classes right that second, or even today, since my block of time is open till Monday.

Yes, I'm aware that I need to realize I can't control everything, or even most things.


Once I got so frustrated that I wasn't getting on that I gave up, I chilled the heck out and realized "Oh, maybe I can go see Dr. Thornton and he'll be able to do it."  So I left a few minutes early for History.  His office is on the floor above the room where my History class is held, so before class I went upstairs and signed up in the thankfully open 12:00 block to see him today.

By some miracle of God, as I was sitting there talking to him, the email came in saying that the important peeps had fixed the website.  It took us a couple tries, but I managed to get all of my main classes taken care of.  And then, of course, it decided to crap out on us as he went to add CUW.  He gave up, seeing as how it's CUW and it's required so I can't possibly ever be denied access.  It was only 12:25 by that point so I still had 35 minutes to kill before French, so I went to the computer lab on the first floor that just so happens to be right next door to my French classroom and signed up for CUW myself.

Man, that was a long freakin' roundabout way to say YAY I AM SIGNED UP FOR THE FALL!!!!! (And aside from one class, World Religions, that was full, I got all the classes I wanted. And I traded out World Religions for Music Appreciation which I need anyway, and it will be nice since I have 2 Government and 1 History classes next week to have 1 class that doesn't require much work. So it's all good!)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My thumb hurts.

For a freakishly stupid reason.

I cut my fingernail too short.

I mean, all I cut was nail, but it's still raw.

It's really annoying.

I also got to feel like an idiot when I reviewed my test with my History teacher.

So today was mediocre.

Oh well.

The upside was that I had a blast this evening with Tyler as we created our new French dialogue.  And my friend Elizabeth from Bible Study, who just so happens to also be Tyler's friend and a French major, was there to hang out, too. 

Off to tomorrow.

30 days left of the semester! :)

Monday, April 4, 2011

Possibly the most important post I've ever written.

I don't do this very often, mostly because it's not what my heart for this blog is about and partially because I don't come across stories worthy of this, but I'm doing some recruiting. 

I have a friend, JD.  She is truly one of the most beautiful people, inside and out, that I have ever met.  This November, she is going on a missions trip to Lake Volta, Ghana.  What will they do there?

They will be working with a man named George.  George spends his life working to save children from slave work in the fishing industry on the lake.

Child slaves.

Something we banned 150 years ago is going on right this very second halfway around the world.

These slaves, and their slave masters, make up the entire industry.  Children, even 3 and 4 year olds, work day in and day out in horrible conditions because they have no other choice.

From JD's blog: "The boys are used as slaves in the fishing industry, their childhood vanishing as they spend their days trapped on the lake, endlessly fishing, hauling and mending nets, and diving to the bottom of the lake when nets become tangled. If they refuse, the slave masters may chose not to beat them, but instead force the other child slaves to beat them into submission. The visible scars they bear are horrific; one can barely fathom the seemingly invisible scars that shred the heart of these precious children. It only takes a look into their eyes, and the scars on their souls can be seen."

Think of a young child you know.  Imagine his parents sending him off to work without food up to 18 hours a day.

And while the boys are working themselves literally to death, girls are treated as sex slaves.

Fear of punishment itself is enough reason not to attempt an escape.

This is where George comes in.

He goes and negotiates for the rescue of these slave children one by one.  He faces the slave masters with a love and compassion that can only come from Jesus.  I know just thinking about these slave masters makes me angry in a completely un-Christian way.  George, on the other hand, works to find a way for the men to find incomes that don't depend on children.

George and his team run a Village of Life for the recovery, restoration of health, and education of these rescued children.

However, they have run out of space.  Without another building, George can not rescue more kids.  My friend JD, along with raising funds to get to Africa, is raising money to go towards the construction of this new building.

Please, I beg you, click this link.  There you will find a Chip-In button, along with more details.  Every penny she can raise is beyond crucial.  It is life-changing.  I know money is tight, and I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm stepping out on a limb here for my friend.  And if you can't donate, I ask that you pray for her efforts, her trip, and George's work.

Thank you in advance.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

So much for that.

I apparently really needed to take a breather this weekend.

Because instead of getting up at 10 like I planned and knocking out a bunch of the work that's waiting for me,

I didn't get out of bed till 2.

Unintentional, but felt very, very good.

Oh well, right? 

I got done what had to be done today.

All will be fine.

Like I said, I apparently really needed the sleep.

Tomorrow is a new day.

I love that, don't you?  No matter what happens one day, the next is brand new, and you have the opportunity to start fresh.

12 days to Charlotte!! :D

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Big time fail.

My weekends are supposed to be productive.

Time to do lots of reading and homework.

Today, though?

Maybe it's because I've been sick this week.

But apparently I really needed sleep.

Oh well, can't turn back the clock right?

I'm at least gonna try and finish this French assignment, and then get my butt to bed at a good hour.

So then (hopefully!) I can get up at a good hour and do all the reading I didn't do today.

Friday, April 1, 2011


Being a teenager in this century comes with a lot of expectations.

Look pretty enough.

Be popular.

Have a boyfriend.

Wear the right clothes.

Do the right things.

Love to party.

And on and on and on...

Looking at this list, there's no wonder I'm such a "freak" by the standards of my peers.

I won't lie and tell you it's not hard to be who I am.  I crave being loved, feeling like I am truly wanted and needed and appreciated.  But here's the God's honest truth:

I'm not sorry for who I am.

I'm not sorry that I don't get wasted every weekend.  I'm not sorry that I'm waiting for sex until I'm with a guy who truly loves me.  I'm not sorry that I'm honest.  I'm not sorry that I care too much.  I'm not sorry.

This isn't my way of saying I'm perfect and people just need to deal with it.  Not at all.  I know I have many faults.  My issue is that the things people see as "faults" in me are the things that I believe should be desired and appreciated.  My honesty.  My kindness.  My empathy.  That kind of stuff.

I've spent far too long trying to be what everyone else wants and expects me to be.  That ends now.  God created me in His image, for a beautiful purpose.  If He loves who I am, why in the world shouldn't I?