I.E. We did nothing.
Poor Mom. She feels absolutely horrible and still wouldn't quit apologizing that she wasn't spending time with me. Like I'm really going to be mad at her right now.
Anyway, the "nice feeling" that the title of this post is referring to is how good it feels that other people besides Matt actually genuinely want to spend time with me.
I've mentioned several times before that I have a very difficult time making friends. After the horrendous experience that was 12 years of grade school, I honestly felt like no one besides Matt liked me. It sure as heck felt that way after being bullied for so long. College hasn't been so easy, either; all of my medical issues had made it pretty impossible for me to go out and get involved in things up until recently.
Now, things are finally starting to feel different. I feel like I CAN actually make friends!
Exhibit A: my Bible study girls. Those girls are so sweet. We're all there for each other 100%, listening, laughing, giving hugs when needed. I was talking to one of them, Elizabeth, about all the Landon stuff, and at the end of one Facebook message she wrote, "Remember: God loves you and so do we!"
Exhibit B: I had no idea she liked me this much, but yesterday while I was texting her, Ryann told me she considers me one of her few friends at Campbell. She wanted her and Kyle to take me to dinner, too, but I couldn't because of Chelsea's birthday dinner. The whole hanging out thing was initiated by her, and she was totally there for me as I kinda freaked out about the stuff with Mom. And for a long time I thought Kyle didn't like me very much because of all the crap that he gave me during class, well, Ryann explained to me a while back that Kyle gives me so much crap because he likes me!
The point is this: I'm finally starting to feel like less of an outcast. I feel like I have people around me who do really want to spend time with me because they like me, not out of pity like was my experience for so long. I guess this is just another step in God helping me to shed those trust issues.
Such a beautiful feeling. :D
I'm learning slowly that you have to truly LOVE yourself and feel worthy of that love.
ReplyDelete(the last part is difficult and without that it results in relationships that reflect that)
It's great to see you seeing yourself as the beautiful woman you are! You are beautiful inside and out!