Thursday, June 15, 2017

25

Happy birthday to me. I guess?

I like other people's birthdays much more than I like my own. At least when I'm in this town with literally nothing to do and no one to see.

And Mom is in Chapel Hill for the night because she has big medical tests first thing in the morning, so it's just me and the dogs, TV, and a glass of honey whiskey.

The one upside to the day is that I have gotten a lot of texts and messages from wonderful people and FaceTimes with my two favorite soccer boys, so the day could be a lot worse. I'm definitely very loved.

Truth be told, I don't mind having the house to myself. I get to blast my music as loudly as I want to. :)

Here's to another year. Let's get it!

post signature

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

The Story of Life

I was leaving the doctor office yesterday, and the lady checking me out asked me how I was. I responded, "Good in some ways, bad in others, but isn't that the story of life?" She chuckled and said, "Yes, yes it is." So shall I get to the good and the bad?

Good: My foot is doing really well. The two bad falls I had last week didn't do any damage to my foot. I got all my bandages off and the incision looked great. I was told I could get off the scooter and start walking on it (in a boot, of course), but here's what I was really looking forward to ---> He told me I can finally get it wet! I could shave my whole leg and wash my foot after 46 days of not being able to. The first thing I wanted to do when I got home was get in the shower and scrub the disgusting amount of dead skin off, but of course, I was inexplicably super lightheaded as soon as I got out of the car, so I had to wait a few hours. But still, once I did it? Once I got to shave my legs nice and smooth and wash my foot until it looked and felt like a real foot again? I was practically in heaven.

Bad: Montreal lost my application. Yeah. I know. I don't know how, but when I emailed the head of the political science department to ask why I hadn't gotten a response yet, he said they had no record of me ever submitting an application (even though I have a dossier # from the email I got confirming that my application was submitted successfully). So he told me to send the dossier number to this lady and she would look into it. I did that, and she told me today that that dossier number does not open any folders for them so all she can tell me to do is contact the registrar. Now, the registrar's website is so confusing I'm not even sure that I emailed the right place because there were like 12 to choose from, and even if I did it will take up to a week for them to answer, so I'm probably going to have to call them tomorrow and awkwardly use my French for the first real time in three years on the phone with an actual French-Canadian. THIS SHOULD GO WELL. And to boot, I have until June 15 to tell the Residence Department if I'm not coming if I want to get a refund on the $389 Mommom put down for my first month of rent. So I emailed THEM asking if there was any way to get an extension on that deadline because I don't have an answer because the freakin' university lost my application and I'm trying to get it straightened out but I don't know how long it will take. But who knows what they'll say to that. So basically, I've been waiting and waiting on this school thinking for once I was being patient and that's a good thing (yay maturity!), only to find out that no, I'm being screwed over and didn't know it and am now running out of time to fix it.

All of that Montreal stuff happened today and yesterday. By the time I got the email from the lady today telling me they had no folder on me and to contact the registrar, I had to wake Mom up because I was having a panic attack and she's the best at talking me out of one. Then, she gave me Ativan because, as she put it, "You are NOT having another seizure tonight!"

Now, I'm going to do my Bible Study for the night (I finally started a real study!), maybe watch a Netflix documentary (I made a list of all the ones I want to see on my phone - because I'm weird), and then go to bed. Stress is draining.

post signature

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

And it's only Wednesday.

Sunday was the first seizure I've had since February 2nd. That was the longest streak I'd had since this whole mess started back in September 2013. And this seizure was a bad one - my mom said it was top 5 of the worst she's ever seen me have. And it was in the shower, one of the worst possible places to have one. Especially because it means that my still recovering foot was unprotected, save for the waterproof cover I put over it in the shower, and slammed directly into the wall of the tub when I slipped out of my shower chair. So that was bad enough.

Then, Monday morning, I got up out of my recliner to go let my barking dogs out, I was adjusting my knee on my scooter, my scooter went backward, I went forward, and I fell forward to the ground directly on top of the metal bars of my scooter. That left my leg looking like this.


Actually, that's what my leg looks like tonight, after it's had about 60 hours of icing and elevation. Monday morning, it was even bigger and looked like it had Jello in it. Yeah. I actually went to Urgent Care yesterday evening because I couldn't get into an orthopedic doctor anywhere (my primary care doesn't have an x-ray machine) and was seriously afraid that I had fractured something. As it turns out, I just have the world's worst bone bruise on both of my leg bones. And I also have to get an ultrasound because the doc is slightly concerned about a blood clot in my leg for a few different reasons, so that's fun.

This coming Monday is supposed to be the "get the bandages off, yay I can start walking and getting it wet again" post-op appointment for my foot. I am just praying that neither of these nasty falls did any damage to my foot that would prolong my recovery. I don't think they did, but you never know with me. I can't do anything simply. It's like my body waited until the final week to start self-destructing.

It's been a rough week. I'm tir

post signature

Friday, May 26, 2017

For Manchester


Megan Hurley, 15 • Elaine McIver, 43 • Courtney Boyle, 19 • Philip Tron, 32 • Wendy Fawell, 50 • Eilidh MacLeod, 14 • Liam Curry, 19 • Chloe Rutherford, 17

Sorrell Leczkowski, 14 • Michelle Kiss, 45 • Jane Tweddle-Taylor, 51 • Nell Jones, 14 • Martyn Hett, 29 • Angelika Klis, 40 • Marcin Klis, 42

Olivia Campbell, 15 • Lisa Lees, 44 • Alison Howe, 43 • Kelly Brewster, 32 • Saffie Rose Roussos, 8 • Georgina Callander, 18 • John Atkinson, 26

These are the 22 beautiful souls who died Monday night. Children and teenagers and young adults went to a concert and never came home. Parents went to pick up their kids after a fun night out and instead left them parentless. It's just not fair. My heart has felt so broken all week for their families, loved ones, and communities, the city of Manchester, those at the concert left unharmed but traumatized by the events, and Ariana Grande and her team. I can only hope and pray that they feel the love and support of the world behind them. 

My heart is broken that a terrorist attacked again, even more so that he targeted a concert mostly full of children, teens, and young adults. No child should go to a concert of a singer they love and idolize and not make it home safely. This is not what music is. But once again, humankind proved that love is louder than hate, and I'm thankful that people across the city worked together to help the victims, their families, and those stranded in the city. England is a place that is very special to me, and all my prayers and love are with those in Manchester recovering from this tragedy, and with those across the UK whose loved ones were lost in this horror.

Rest easy, brothers and sisters. May you be welcomed into heaven by the King of Kings Himself. We'll see you soon.

post signature

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Is this what PTSD feels like?

So, I had a panic attack because I thought I was getting another MRSA infection yesterday.

That was fun.

I ended up having Chelsea (who thankfully was in a good-for-her mood) take me to the ER because Mom wouldn't because I was not willing to mess around and was in unbearable pain and hadn't slept for more than 24 hours. But Mom was convinced from the start I was overreacting so she refused to do anything. Of course. Including go and pick up the antibiotic my doctor called in.

They took my cast off at the ER (and put me in a hard splint when I left) and couldn't see any obvious signs of infection, just major skin irritation, so all they could do was get my pain down to a more manageable level and help the nausea I was having (because of the pain) and send me home. My doctor's office will be calling me tomorrow to get me in for a much sooner appointment than the one I originally had set up for two weeks from now.

Then, my uncle so graciously came and picked me up because Chelsea had no gas and my grandma was still incommunicado (I later learned she was at an all-day Bingo thing, so it all made way more sense). And we picked up the antibiotic on the way home, so I have that.

I feel like an idiot for going through all that for no real results, but damn, can you really blame me? My mom's ego trip was not worth more than my desire to make sure my health was okay. We'll see what my doc says whenever he gets to see my foot in person.

post signature

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Recovery and Rewards

Monday, I had my first post-op appointment. The doc said everything looked great. He took the original cast off, took x-rays, removed the stitches, and then re-wrapped and re-casted it. Look what color I got!


It dried and ended up being the perfect shade of Wolfpack red, which makes me unreasonably happy. It's a silly, small thing, yes, but if I have to have this thing on my foot for another four weeks, I might as well have a reason to smile when I look at it, right?

Yesterday, I must have caught Mom in a really good mood or something, because she agreed to get me two early birthday presents that I really want. First, it was this.


Yes, that is Harry Styles' new album. I am ridiculously excited about it. A couple songs from it have been released already, and they are SO GOOD. I can't wait for the full album to be released on Friday.

Then, there were these.


Orange bluetooth wireless headphones. I need them because my headphone jack is broken and I can't get an upgrade/new phone until December. They're a really nice brand, too; they were on sale on Amazon for $20 when they were originally $90. They'll be here next week, and I can't wait to try them out.

Gotta find happiness wherever you can get it, right?

post signature

Sunday, April 30, 2017

How fun.

The pain in my foot had been slowly improving over the course of the last week, you know, as it's supposed to, and it was honestly going better and faster than I expected.

Then, yesterday afternoon, I started feeling super intense spasms in the muscles and tendons right where my doc operated. And they just. wouldn't. stop.

So I started taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen on top of my Oxycodone, hoping that that would help, and nope, it didn't make a bit of difference.

By this afternoon, I was starting to get a little concerned, that maybe the couple of times I've stumbled and/or fallen had hurt my foot and messed up the recovery. Thankfully, my doc turned out to be the one on call this weekend (instead of his partner), and it took his office's call service about 60 seconds to get up with him and call me back.

Turns out, this is actually completely normal for what he did. I didn't know this because he didn't have to operate on tendons last time, but yeah. He said this is completely expected because he basically had to take the tendon apart to even get to the joint he needed to access. So this was a fun surprise.

Fun fun fun.

Yay me.

post signature

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Recovery. It's more exhausting than you'd think.

Well, the surgery went great.

This first week in recovery, however, has been much more difficult than I expected it to.

They did a nerve block for the surgery - which, as an aside, the only other time I've had a nerve block, they started it when I was already unconscious, but this time they started the nerve block while I was awake and HOLY CRAP, that hurt so freaking bad for them to do and it was also one of the weirdest freaking feelings in the world to have your lower leg go completely numb in a matter of seconds - and when the block wore off Saturday morning, I was in so much pain that the Oxycodone (straight Oxycodone, not Percocet) didn't do a thing for the pain for the next 36 hours, even though I'd started taking it while the block was still working like they'd told me to. 27 surgeries in, I have a pretty good grasp on how to handle recovery pain, and this was intense, even for me.

By Sunday night, though, that started to get better, and then the stomach pain from the painkillers set in, which took another three days to really get straightened out.

Plus, there's the whole issue of dealing with this scooter and the fact that I have the balance skills of a baby giraffe. A few mornings ago, I slipped off of it, tipped forward, and fell to the ground, landing directly on top of the metal steering bar. So now my entire shin, the same shin that has to bear all the pressure as I push myself around, is one giant bruise.


(This isn't my exact one, but it's very similar. My right shin landed straight on the vertical bar.)

The rest of this week has pretty much solely consisted of sleeping. Next week, I actually have to leave the house, so that'll be interesting.

1 week down, 5+ to go.

post signature

Thursday, April 20, 2017

A Major Prayer Answered

Five weeks ago tonight, I was a nervous wreck, honestly. I was so scared heading into surgery because all I could think about were the words "cardiac arrest."

Tonight, though? I'm really just ready for tomorrow. I want to get on with things. Sure, I have a bit of anxiety, but I do before every surgery, which is largely because I've been through several with complications. The anxiety is minimal, though, which is a huge answered prayer.

Maybe it's because I've had so much going on the past few weeks once I got through the last recovery, or maybe it's just because God really is that awesome, but I have really been looking forward to this surgery this whole time and not dreading it, despite the fact that this recovery is going to be rough. This is definitely a huge answered prayer.

Now, I'm just praying that Mom is feeling well enough to take me. Partially because I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am and I really don't want to drag my 79-year-old grandmother out of the house at 4 am (the hospital is that far away), but mostly because I just really want her there with me. (So far it seems like she's going, but that could change at the last second.)

God is good, y'all.

#27, I'm comin' for ya.

post signature

Friday, April 7, 2017

This is all I have in me tonight..


This world is a sad and scary place sometimes.

I can't wait for the freedom of heaven.

post signature