Not quite sure where today went.

I woke up with a migraine

missed French

slept some more

went to lunch

dragged myself to Economics

then came back

and I have no idea where the past five and a half hours went because I can't remember anything I've done in that time except eat tuna for dinner because Shouse is closed for maintenance which really sucks because I wanted Mexican for dinner.

I'm going to try to force myself to finish this reading for French Lit I need to do, but that may or may not happen because this referred pain sucks really bad so all I basically want to do right now is sleep because sleep is the only time I forget how bad it hurts.

And apparently, I'm the queen of run-on sentences today.

Ugh, I should get this done so I can go to bed at a reasonable time.

Here's to hoping for less pain tomorrow.

My life's motto? Maybe.

Or something like that, anyway.

As Ryann and I were leaving French this morning, she asked me where I was off to.  I told her I had a Psychology test at 10, so I was going to review before it.  I said, "That should be interesting since I slept like crap last night."  She asked me why and I told her it was because my head hurt and I've been having referred pain in my shoulder from my lungs.  I then had to explain to her what pleurisy is (inflammation of the lining of your lungs, in case you don't know) and she sighed and said, "Geez, Mal.  I don't know how you do it."  I then responded with something I've found myself saying a LOT over the past few years.

"You don't know what you can do until you have to."

And really, it's so true.  Ryann agreed with me.  Everyone has times in their life where they somehow manage to power through stuff even though they have NO idea how they found the energy and strength to keep from collapsing.  They keep going even when they know everyone would totally understand if they quit. 

I don't manage to stay in school because I'm superhuman, or special.  I do what I do because, in my mind, I don't have any other choice.  My education and my plans for the future are incredibly important to me, and God knows this.  God saw when I fought through all those surgeries to come back to Campbell, so He knows what I'm willing to do.  God knows my heart better than I do; He knows my capabilities even when I'm second-guessing myself.  He, and He alone, gives me the strength to "suck it up" and go to class when my body wants to just stay in bed and cry from pain.  I'm not strong, He is.

And this doesn't just apply to me, you know.  I can guarantee you've been in my position before, albeit under different circumstances.  I think it's part of human nature to lose faith in yourself.  I frequently wish I had as much faith in me as everyone else seems to.  But that's OKAY.  I think the point when you feel like you're breaking is when you're most likely to accept that you aren't in control and that God is.

I'm not saying you should only remember to rely on God when things get tough, not at all.  What I'm saying is that remembering He's in control during the bad times will help get you back to the good times.  It's easy to think of your blessings when nothing's wrong, isn't it?  The key is to not lose sight of God in the darkness, to keep in mind that He is there with you.  I fought with this issue throughout all the brain surgeries and hospital stays.  I had a really hard time reconciling the idea that a God that loved me was also a God that would "let me go through that". (I see it differently now, but that's how my mind was seeing it then.)

And who knows - maybe the reason I had six surgeries is because He wanted me to get the lesson behind it all.  I've always been stubborn. ;)

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired, so the point I'm trying to get to is this:  If you put your trust in God and His unending love and care, He will get you through you never imagined you could do.

He's a bit of a show-off.  You know, Ephesians 3:20 and all that. ;)

My mom is a genius.

My mom decided several months ago that if I got into my DC program this summer, she was turning my room at home into a Wolfpack room for Blake.  This way he gets out of Chelsea's and there might be a better chance of keeping his stuff organized.  It doesn't in Chelsea's room because Chelsea's a slob.

Well, she just sent me pictures of the room almost entirely done.  She said all that is left is adding a few decals and a stencil of the NC State logo she's borrowing from a friend. 

Look at these pictures.  This woman is a freaking genius!  I still firmly believe she was meant to be a teacher, but I'm fairly certain she was an interior decorator in a past life.

Sorry the quality sucks.  She texted me the pictures (yay for her learning picture mail) and I don't know how to blog from my phone, so I had to email them to myself to upload them.

I, for one, LOVE IT.  I can't wait to see what it looks like in person.  Only five weeks till Spring Break.

Wolfpack Pride, baby.



Saturday Habits

Every Saturday that I am at school, it seems that two things must happen.

One, I wake up with a migraine.

Two, I watch Dateline: Real Life Mysteries marathons.

The first is a bit mindboggling since, aside from Saturdays, I basically don't have migraines anymore.

The second is just fun.  I love crime shows.  Funny, since I was so freaking paranoid for so long. 

Your typical Saturday:  headache, homework (not enough of it, see previously mentioned migraine), television, laundry, sports, sleep.

Speaking of laundry, I need to go change the loads!  And people really need to learn how to come GET their stuff once it's dry!  Our laundry room is overflowing.

Ending on a high note is always good.

So.

I have no idea why I always want to start out my blog posts with that.  It's probably because that's how I tend to start out stories that I'm telling in person.  Anyway.

Today didn't start off so great. 

I slept like crap.

It was pouring rain and I got soaked because even supposedly "jumbo size" umbrellas aren't made big enough to cover a whole person and their bookbag.  And my umbrella flipped inside out.  But only my left side and my bookbag were soaked in my 7 or 8 minute walk to French.  Which doesn't really make sense that only my left side got wet because the wind blew my umbrella totally inside out in the middle of the walk, but whatever.

I had a headache.

I couldn't get answers right in Psychology for the life of me.

I choked on food during lunch and ended up throwing up phlegm and water all over a table.

But then, I came back to my dorm.  And things got better.

First, the full performance of "Smooth Criminal" from this Tuesday's Michael Jackson episode of Glee came out.  And whoa.  Mind = blown.

And then I went and was one of the timers at the swim meet.  And Campbell won.  It was a cool experience.

And Amy drove me there and picked me up.  We had already made plans to get dinner after, but when she picked me up, she said "I'd like to treat you to dinner as a celebration of you getting your internship, if you'll let me."  I have such amazing friends.

And then we went to Zaxby's, and it was delicious.

And I got my antibiotic filled so I can hopefully start feeling better soon.

And then I came back and rewatched the Glee "Smooth Criminal" video over and over and over again, and decided to look up the Croatian cello duo that was guest-performing in it.  And I found their personal music video of the song that made them such a huge Youtube hit that they're now going on tour with Elton John.  As a mediocre violin player, I am seriously in awe of these two and their talent.  You can tell the music and the energy is flowing through every inch of their body.  WATCH IT!!



They must go through a LOT of bows.  If you look closely enough, you can see all the hairs that have snapped and are flinging around.  Crazy, huh?

My lucky day? Um, sure.

Well, on the upside, now I know why I feel like dirt.  That kind of comes with the territory when you have bronchitis and a sinus infection.

The Campbell infirmary has this policy that you have to go and get seen by a nurse, and then set up an appointment to see the PA.

Yes, $30,000+ a year and we don't even get a real doctor. 

And technically, you're supposed to call beforehand to get an appointment to see the nurse.

Well, I didn't decide to even go to the infirmary until last night when my mom insisted that I go, and then when it was backed up by Ryann getting all persistent with me this morning.  She's so hilariously sweet.  So I decided to go after I ate lunch during my break between French and Economics.  I got in there about 12:45, and saw a nurse right then.

When she was done with the simple stuff she had to do, she brought me back out to look at the appointment book.  She said the only one they had open for the rest of the day was 3:15.  I don't get out of class till 3:20.  Some other nurse behind her said, "Well, it's your lucky day.  Our 1:00 appointment isn't here yet, you can be seen now."

I never thought "lucky day" and "bronchitis and a sinus infection" could be used in the same meeting.

But hey, now I know.  Now. I. know.

Now I'm actually hoping I'm sick.

Because if not, the fact that I have this little energy on the third week of classes is a sad, sad sign.

Sorry that I have for all intents and purposes disappeared from my blog for a couple days, but I am seriously sitting here typing with my head laying on my arm because it hurts and I am exhausted.

So I am getting in bed now.  Before 9:00.  When I don't have to get up until 9:30 tomorrow.  That's how you really know something is up with me because two words - night. owl.

Bleck.

Rough Day

Mostly because I feel like crap.  Ryann actually told me I looked like death this morning, which is probably an accurate description considering I've felt like I was two seconds away from passing out all day long.

In other news, I got all of the things I had to do to officially enroll in my internship program, which is exciting.

But yeah, that's really all there is to today.  Class, sick, missed Econ (which I hate, but I didn't have much of a choice, I was scared I was going to throw up and/or pass out), stupid event I'm forced to walk all the way across campus to go to in an hour to help set up but am telling Ms. President that I'm sick and cannot stay.  And she'll just have to get over it.

And then I'm coming and climbing directly in bed because I was smart and took a shower this afternoon.

Good night.

In need of stress relief.

Because the things that are usually my stress relief (music, teen soaps on ABC Family) don't seem to be cutting it.

I love the College Democrats.  I promise, I do. 

But here's the thing.  They are wasting. my. time.

My sole job is to print and distribute flyers!  A trained monkey can do that. 

They don't ask me for my ideas. 

They meet with each other and decide things without bothering to tell me. 

And that's on top of our obsessive president who feels the need to have an officer meeting of some kind every week on top of regular full-group meetings and events.  We had a meeting tonight and have two events this week, one of which was organized by the College Republicans but for some reason we're required to attend?

And then they tell me I'm supposed to raise $1500 in the next three months for Relay for Life.  I don't go home.  I don't have a car to drive around and ask people.  Does this matter to them?  No, because they all have cars and go home whenever they please.

And there's no talking to these people because the last time I tried that, they were so condescending they stopped just short of patting me on the head and telling me to be a good little girl.  If this doesn't change reaaal quick, I'm talking to Dr. Mero.  I have way more important things and people I can focus on who will actually treat me with some respect.

On an unrelated note, I went and filled out the enrollment form for the internship tonight and then found out that I was supposed to mail in a "payment voucher" with my deposit check this morning.  A voucher I didn't know existed until I finished the enrollment form.  Oops?  That means I get to go back to the post office tomorrow, most likely, which is funny since I've been there every day (except this weekend) for the past week.

Deep breaths.  Tomorrow is a new day.  There will be new people.

Lord, I pray that I wake up in a better mood.  And also, if I could wake up without this sinus headache, that would be just super.

Well, this is weird.

It's 8:50 on a Sunday night, and I'm actually done with all of my homework.  In fact, I finished about 35 minutes ago.

And I showered, shaved, plucked my eyebrows, watched the 2nd half of the State basketball game (because I didn't remember it was on until then, and as a side note, I pretty much want to marry Scott Wood - hasn't missed a free throw all season! 56 free throws in a row! ACC record!) and did my dishes.

I don't know if this has ever happened before.

I'm excited for tomorrow.  Ryann was on a ski trip all weekend, so I'm not sure if she got my text about the internship on Friday, and if she didn't I know she's going to completely freak out.  Plus, I actually understood the reading I had to do for French Lit, which was also a new experience.  Plus, I get to go to Water Aerobics tomorrow.

Mom let Chelsea back in.  Not surprised.

I'm not sure why I bother blogging this random dull nonsense.  It's not like twenty years from now I'm going to wonder what I did on a random Sunday in January 2012, but hey, it's fun.  And a habit.

And yes, in case you were curious, I'm still on Cloud Nine about DC.  Add that to the list of reasons I am excited about tomorrow - I get to go mail off the deposit check. :)

Also, I got 108 points on one four-letter word in Words With Friends.  It was awesome.  Who knew "prez" was a real word?

Yawn.

I think I'm going to bed early.  Might as well.  I have nothing better to do, and 6:30 is early.