So here I am to tell you how I am.
I'm crappy, to say the least.
- I had stomach troubles so bad that I was screaming and in what was the worst pain I'd ever experienced all last week and weekend.
- I had to drink hot Milk of Magnesia and prune juice (at the recommendation of my aunt, a geriatric nurse) twice.
- I got another headache on Monday as I was heading back to Campbell.
- Late that night, I took another ambulance from Campbell to Duke because I not only had a headache that was a 10 on the pain scale and a fever of 101. (I usually run 97 degrees to 97.5 Fahrenheit, so that was really high for me.)
- Holly met me there from Raleigh and stayed with me till Mom got there just after 2 am.
- I found out on Tuesday morning that my shunt had a staph infection growing in it, so I had another emergency surgery.
- I reacted to the super strong antibiotic they gave me; my face turned beet red, I rashed, and my fever spiked again.
- I had my shunt removed Tuesday afternoon and got an external ventricular device put in.
- I had to get a PICC line put in while awake.
- I continue to itch even though I'm not on that antibiotic.
- I still have severe headaches.
- The docs told me I have to go back on the antibiotic I reacted to because it's the only one they have strong enough to fight the type of staph in my brain.
And the icing on the cake of terrible situations? I had no choice but to take a medical withdrawal from Campbell for this semester when this happened . There was no way I'd ever get caught up since I don't even know when I'll get out of here. They first have to get rid of the staph infection, and then I have to have a week straight of clear brain fluid before I can get a new shunt. So we'll see.
I'll be honest with you. I'm really kind of mad at God right now. I feel like I can't catch a break. Wanting to be able to go to college was not too much to ask. As soon as I feel like I'm turning the corner, He throws something else that sucks at me. I hate it. It's not fair. I'm tired of my life sucking all the time. Now I have to move back home and live with Chelsea which is going to be toxic in its own way.
So yep. That's it. I may or may not blog much over the next while. However, I do want to say again thank you for your support, friends.
Again, I am so sorry you are having to go through all this.
ReplyDeleteIt's ok if you are mad at God. He can handle it. He loves you to your core. It is so hard to understand all this. I don't have the answers. He has them, and He may just not reveal them. Just trust Him. Read about Job and how he lost everything and didn't understand why.
I am praying for you. Just look ahead to the next semester, and take it easy and rest now. There IS a reason for all this. I am sure.
I am so happy to hear your cyber voice and at the same time so sad to hear how much suffering you are going through at the moment. I don't really know what to say to you that will make you feel better because, like The Arnold Family, I do not have the answers either. Just hold on to Jesus, I am sure He has a plan for you even if you cannot see it now. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI will understand if you do not write much over this period, but please check your blog every now and again so that we can remind you that we are still out here and thinking of you.
Oh Mallory - this just sucks! I'm so sorry you're going through all this. One of my favorite bloggers had a post today that might help - if you feel like reading it: http://kimprayz.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/when-disappointment-despair-lead-us/.
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else, I am not going to pretend to know what to say that will lift the burden that you're carrying... I don't have the answers, I just know that you are loved, and that there is hope and purpose, even in this.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.