So. Much. Sickness.

It's been...a rough time.

It started out as allergies/a sinus infection the week before Halloween, so I had an antibiotic for that.

Except then, instead of getting better, it moved into my chest and turned into a respiratory infection, so I had to get a different antibiotic and basically lived on cough drops for several days.

I started getting better for a few days.

Then, I got the cold from hell. I knew it wasn't a sinus infection because my snot was clear (TMI? sorry), which meant there was nothing the doctor could do, so I just had to ride it out.

Except it wouldn't. end. I even got the fun sore throat and swollen lymph nodes to go along with it. And my usual regimen of Benadryl and Sudafed only seemed to make it angry.

I finally stopped sneezing a couple of days ago, but I still haven't shaken this chest pain and cough. And I've been having to do even more for my mom than usual because she got a tooth pulled on Wednesday, so she's pitiful and who really cares if I'm sick?

On the upside, my neurologist wrote me a prescription for a migraine nasal spray (who knew there was such a thing?), instead of just giving up on treating me like he was originally saying. It has the same central ingredient as the DHE infusion I did twice while I was at Campbell, so I'm cautiously optimistic. I've done it a few times so far. I haven't really noticed a difference, but my sinuses are still swollen, so I have no idea how much of this headache is also a sinus headache. That's the fun part of being screwed up on multiple levels. Ha.

Ha. Anyway, I'm tired. I have laundry to do. I just wanted to get on here and document what the past two weeks have been. In short: sick.

It's been a while.

So...oops?

I kept meaning to blog, but the past two weeks have been kinda rough, so the days kept slipping by, and it just kept becoming tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Let's catch up, shall we?

We have air again, as of last Friday, so three cheers for that. That was a long two and a half weeks, but it just breaks my heart even more for what the people of Puerto Rico are going through. The timing of that definitely kept it all in perspective (most of the time).

I went to the neurosurgeon last Thursday. None of the tests he ordered showed anything, so he's pretty much at a loss for what to do or what is going on with my head. There is one more test he could do, but he's really hesitant because there's a high risk of infection, especially with me being a MRSA carrier, and we're pretty sure this test is how I contracted staph meningitis back when I was 17. Plus, he's not confident that this test will produce any results, since the other tests didn't, so putting me at such a great risk for what will probably tell us nothing seems like a dangerous idea. So I had him fax all of his records back to my neurologist, and I'm waiting for a call from him to see if he has any ideas on what to do. I can't afford the copay for the Botox (it's way more expensive than the Botox I did when I was still at Campbell), so I don't know if he has any other ideas. If he doesn't, I may go through with this other test from my neurosurgeon just to try something instead of giving up, because I am tired of being in this much pain. Otherwise, I'm kind of screwed.

Last weekend, what I thought was just allergies and my typical sinus issues moved into my chest and turned into a full blown respiratory infection. So Monday, I got to go to the doctor and get a stronger antibiotic than I'd been on two weeks before, a steroid inhaler, and meds for my nebulizer machine. Woo. Always something with me.

Most of the week flew by because I've slept a lot because I've felt like crap (as one does), but Thursday, I did make it to my psychiatrist, and she changed my depression. I haven't seen her in two months, because at my last appointment, things were going well enough that we thought I didn't need to come back in a month, but things have gone so downhill with me mentally since then that I knew I needed to change something. Luckily, she is awesome and didn't even question my request once I told  her about how bad things had gotten. I told her that I talk to my therapist every week, I take my prescribed medication every day, I do everything I'm physically capable of to take care of myself mentally, so I have to try changing meds, because I can't keep feeling this awful. So we'll see how this goes.

Hands down the highlight of the past two weeks, though, was the two hours I got to spend on Facebook video chat with Clayton today. I know I say this all the time, but I am so, so, so lucky and thankful that he is my best friend. No one makes me laugh harder or teaches me more, let alone all in the same conversation, than he does. He is one of the few consistently good things in my life, and one of the very few people that make me feel completely safe and free from judgment. I can talk to him about my relationship with God, my struggles, my anger, my frustration, especially with everything that's been going on with my head and the doctors being stumped, and he doesn't shame me for any of it. Instead, he reminds me not to shame myself, like I am prone to do. But what was different about our conversation today is that he actually put on his "Spiritual Director" hat (his words, not mine) and asked me about my prayer life and gave me some advice on how to broaden it and change my perspective on who I see God as in the midst of my current struggles. I'm used to talking through different stories and passages in the Bible with him, and he's taught me a lot about theology, but this was something totally new. And I loved it and totally appreciated it. He doesn't want me to stay in this rut that I've been in for a little while now of feeling angry at and abandoned by God. The level to which he cares for every facet of my wellbeing (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) is very comforting and humbling.

I'll tell you one thing: I would be lost without my people. That much I know for sure.

Because of course I'd get sick now.

Now, when school work really picks up as we head towards the end of the semester.

Now, when I have to really dig into internship applications.

Now, when PhD application deadline are creeping up on me.

What started out on Tuesday as me just thinking I overworked my vocal chords sending too many singing videos to Summer ended up by Thursday as me sounding like a 70-year-old pack-a-day smoker.

I went to the doctor that afternoon because I had to miss class again, and not only did the doctor tell me that it was good I didn't try to go to class that day, but considering how the symptoms had only been around for a couple days (and Thursday was really only the first day I truly felt terrible), that I was probably going to get worse before I got better.

He gave me an antibiotic prescription and told me that I should wait a week and see if I got better before I filled it. Saturday, I woke up wheezing, which meant it was REALLY moving into my lungs, so I said screw that and filled it yesterday. I cannot afford the risk of my lungs getting really bad off because I cannot afford landing in the hospital.

The upside to this crappy weekend is that I had an overload of sports and that always makes me at least a little bit happier.

My boys won at UNC Asheville, their final regular season game. This meant that they ended up 9-8 and got a winning season for the first time since 2012. But not only that. This also meant they ended up 4th in the conference so they get their quarterfinal match in the championship AT Campbell on Tuesday. It's always good to play on a field you know.

Wolfpack football beat Boston College AT BC 24-8. This is the first time any team has beaten BC on their field since BC joined our conference and the first time the Wolfpack has beaten BC on their field since 1937 (!!!!). Plus BC had the #1 defense in the FBS, and the Wolfpack absolutely crushed the averages they had for defense coming into the game.

And to top it off, Wolfpack basketball had their pre-season exhibition game today and won it. This means that basketball season is here.

So at least there is something going for me this weekend.

So not an allergy attack.

Or at least, not anymore.

Because as it turns out, a lasting allergy attack can turn into a sinus infection real quick like.

Hooray for Benadryl and some leftover cough drops from my sister.

Good night.

I'm done!

A video posted by Mallory Jones (@_callmemal) on May 13, 2015 at 9:38pm PDT

I finished my last paper tonight, just in the nick of time.

I am therefore done with my first year of grad school. One down, one to go.

Crazy doesn't even begin to describe this feeling.

Actually, I don't have a lot of feelings right now because I woke up today with the unexplained allergy attack from hell, so I'm doped up on a bunch of NyQuil and Benadryl

So I am off to get some sleep. Some peaceful, stress-free sleep. We'll see how long that lasts.

Nothing

I have no recollection of anything before 4:00 pm today.

Somehow I woke up, emailed in my paper, and went back to bed and I have no memory of any of it.

4:00 is also the time my afternoon class starts so...uh...oops.

I guess I needed the rest because tomorrow is going to be super long with a make up EU class from 10 to 12 in the morning and then work 4 to midnight. I really hope I feel well enough to make it through the day because I really need every shift I can get.

It is cold and I have a cold.

I went to bed last night feeling just fine health wise (just achy from work), and woke up this morning sneezing my head off and completely congested. Apparently somewhere between 2:30 am (when I finally fell asleep) and 8:00 am (when I had to get up) I was hit by a very nasty cold who arrived to seek its vengeance.

I forced myself to go to an appointment at the Student Health Center because I had to get a new prescription for my anxiety med, but that was all. I decided to skip my afternoon class, but then I remembered that class was canceled today anyway, so that worked out nicely for me. Especially because I proceeded to sleep the day away.

I woke up and ate and sat in the recliner physically unable to move for lack of energy in my muscles. I watched TV until Holly got home and she dragged me out to a bar to watch the Duke/UNC game because this is a big deal and we have such basic cable that we don't even get ESPN. It was great until we got in a fight and I left. Sisters. They're exhausting. Of course we made up later because sisters. It's what they do. And she actually apologized which is something she rarely does. So at least the night didn't end completely awful.

And then I had to stay up super late because I forgot I had to turn in a paper for my European Union class today. Lucky for me it was a super short one. But I was still up until 4 am. So oops.

No Rest for the Wicked

(Bless you if you got that reference and me quoting Ozzy Osbourne doesn't completely freak you out. Sometimes I title posts with whatever is the first thing to pop in my head, and today, that was it.)

You know what's really NOT a good start to the day? Puking. That was what happened not even five minutes after I opened my eyes today. I have no idea why. I knew I had slept so long that I needed to eat, so I forced myself to eat a plain English muffin, as that was the only bread product we had around and I thought that would help soak up any acid still in my stomach.

Then I distracted myself from that awful feeling by following along with the live stats on the Wolfpack game, which was far too close for comfort for most of the game, but thankfully we pulled out a win at the end when it mattered.

After that, I went to the pharmacy and picked up my seizure med and then to the grocery store because we were low on a lot of stuff. Thankfully, there was more than one person working at Spiegel when I got back, so I got one of the guys there to carry it up the stairs for me, which he didn't mind doing at all because he knows about my shoulder injury and told me I am not allowed to reinjure myself. Ha! Plus, everyone there loves me.

I got all that put away and relaxed for a bit because I was super out of breath, and then got distracted by Criminal Minds.

Thankfully I broke my distraction when an episode I really don't like very much came on, so I took a shower then got to work on my "five pages a day" goal for tonight.

But that didn't last very long because Clayton FaceTimed me a little after 8. Oh that boy. He is my favorite. I talked to him for like an hour and then knew I had to get back to work.

I actually got almost six pages done tonight. So yay for that. Paper #1 should be done tomorrow.  Productivity feels nice, especially since I've felt so awful for basically the past month that I really haven't been doing much at all.

And now I'm going to eat something and go to bed so I can get up early for church tomorrow. Yay church! I've missed my City Grace people. :)

It's all about perspective.

You know what's a lot less intimidating than telling yourself you have 11 days to write 3 term papers?

Telling yourself you have to write 5 pages a day.

Five pages a day sounds a lot more manageable, doesn't it? Yeah, I thought so. If I do five pages a day, it will all get done on time.

I got my five pages for today done just a few minutes ago, so as soon as this Benadryl kicks in, I'm going to bed.

Oh yeah, I have bronchitis. The doctor was very confused as to the hospital doctor's choice of antibiotic, so she put me on a different one plus a steroid inhaler and told me to continue the Prednisone and come back on Tuesday.

I couldn't finish my Walgreens application today. I waited around for almost an hour and the girl who was in there before me still wasn't finished, and I had to get to my appointment, and then I ended up being at the doctor for two hours, and by the time I got out the manager had left. No big deal. I'll go back on Tuesday when I head back that way for my (hopefully final) physical therapy appointment.

Being back is weird.

Waking up in my apartment was weird.

Vacation officially being over is weird.  Now I've got to buckle down and get these papers done. The 26th will be here in the blink of an eye.  I just can't make myself sick with stress while I do it.

I was so out of it today that I moved my doctor appointment to tomorrow, which worked out okay because I have to go to Walgreens to finish my application for a job anyway, and there's one right near the Student Health Center, so two birds one stone.

I'm ready to not feel awful anymore.

The irony, considering my history, is not lost on me.

Many parents like to consider the meaning of a name when they're deciding on one for a child they're expecting. While I don't think choosing a certain name will have some almighty power in determining that child's future, I do think that they can be fun and interesting to learn. Which is why I crack jokes about the meaning of my name whenever an appropriate opportunity arises.

Because do you know what Mallory means?

Ill-omened.

Oh, how I wish I was kidding.

But it does make sense since "Mal" means bad in both Spanish and French.

The reason I'm talking about this is because the only remotely interesting thing that happened today was I went to Bingo again with Mommom and Hilda and just like Tuesday, none of us won anything. So I jokingly told them they could blame it on me and my "ill-omened" nature.

In frustrating news, I'm getting sicker again. This is going to be very hard over the next few days since the nebulizer I've been using here in Swansboro is Blake's so I can't take it with me to Campbell because I'll have no way to get it back here. Which means I have 3.5 days of relying on nothing but my inhaler and cough drops. I sure hope this inhaler can last me until I get back. I did just get it today, but I will be using it more than usual without a nebulizer around. I'm back on Prednisone and Mucinex and hopefully that will at least help tide me over.

Needless to say, I will be calling the Student Health Center tomorrow to get an appointment for as soon as possible after I get back to New York. Hopefully Thursday.

This signature seems even funnier considering the beginning of this post, but...

Still Here

Well, still in the hospital.

The doc just didn't feel comfortable sending me home yet with how my lungs still are.

I'm okay with it. I'd rather get back to (my version of) 100% by staying here longer instead of going home early and then end up back here in a few days.

I'm getting there. Hopefully tomorrow.

Bad News then Good News

I'm in the hospital for IV steroids. Should be out tomorrow.

Good news is I have Wifi. House of Cards binging is underway.

And oh yeah, I have funding for NYU for the spring semester. God is good.

Post #2000. Wow.

Exile

I have been sent to my grandma's house for the rest of my vacation because my breathing got so bad we thought if I spent one more day at our house I'd end up in the hospital. She's out of town for the next week which is good because she can kind of drive me insane. I have no Wifi which is going to make paper writing much more complicated.

The Day After

Considering my mom spent the better part of the past three days in the kitchen - because oh yeah, before the game last night, she made a huge meal of fresh seafood per Holly's and my request - she rightfully declared today a day of leftovers and no work.

Which became only even more fitting when we watched another movie after the game (The Other Woman is awesome) and then stayed up until 6 am reading Mom's old high school yearbook. (So many stories. I'd be dead if I divulged even a detail. Let's just say it seems like every guy my mom ever spoke to in high school was in love with her.)

After that I took two back-to-back breathing treatments and thus had so much Albuterol coursing through my system that I didn't fall asleep until after 8 this morning.

And somehow I'm the only one who didn't sleep the entire day away. Ha! But to be fair, Holly was incredibly hungover and Mom is about to leave (yes, at midnight) to take Holly to the airport in Raleigh because her flight leaves at 7 am and leaving at 3 am and getting back after 9 is a bad idea even for my serious night owl of a mother.

But I had a peaceful day. I watched the Duke bowl game (which they barely lost, boo), unpacked all of my stuff because I finally have a dresser in my room to store stuff for the next couple weeks, and just relaxed. I really hope I start feeling better soon because breathing is not supposed to be this painful only from an allergy attack.

Tomorrow, I have to get down to business on the papers I have to make up. I have 30 days to write 55-60 pages. I wrote 40 in six this spring, and twenty of that was in French. I'll be just fine. Just gotta suck it up and do it.

Tonight, I'm watching another episode of House of Cards, doing laundry, and taking a long hot shower.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Four cold meds, an antibiotic, and round the clock breathing treatments. Merry Christmas to me!

All kidding aside, today was pretty great. Minimal drama from Chelsea, lots of good food, the uncle and aunt and cousins were loads of fun, Blake was here, more money than I expected to get, all good things. So I may have felt absolutely awful, but at least I had fun.

I was really glad to get to see my cousin Dusty because he leaves for boot camp in early March and I definitely won't be back before then. Plus he brought his girlfriend along and I got to meet her and she seems awesome. And he and I get along so well now. I know I say that every time I see him, but it's still kind of weird for me because we really did not get along at all for so many years. I couldn't have imagined the relationship we have now.

After all the cleanup, Mom, Holly, Mommom, and I sat down to watch a movie, which we do after most holiday meals. Small tip? If someone suggests renting the movie "Hit By Lightning" SAY NO. It was bad. Really bad. Like, so bad it was funny just how awful it was. Holly fell asleep halfway through it, Mommom couldn't stop complaining, and Mom couldn't stop laughing about how bad it was.

I, on the other hand, just focused on breathing.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. This holiday comes to a close.

Let the feasting begin!

Well, I may be sick, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the food that comes with holidays in this family.

Just like last year, my mom made two giant lasagna, one for tonight, one for New Year's Eve. So tonight, the house was alive.....with the smell of roasted garlic. Mmm mmm good.

Tonight wasn't great in family terms because, well, Chelsea is Chelsea and Chelsea doesn't change, but everyone besides her largely kept their cool, so it could have been a lot worse. And I was way too sick to get fired up.

And once she left, the whole night was lovely. I slept, Holly painted the bathroom, and Mom got most of her cooking done.

I woke up around 11:30 and we watched television and ate and they wrapped presents. Christmas Eve prepping is fun when you're expecting a 4-year-old in the morning.

My mom sure is being good to me today.

Aside from helping her scrub doors and baseboards in the room Chelsea and Blake used to live in (which was a completely disgusting disaster), I haven't had to do anything.

She's brought me all the medicine I need, food, drink, gotten me more paper towels every time I ran through a new bunch, reminded me when I need to take a new breathing treatment, everything I could need.

I think I'll keep her.

My new record, ladies and gentlemen.

10 minutes. That's how long it took for my sinuses to completely fill up and me to start sneezing my head off when I walked in the door last night. 10 minutes.

Today, it moved into my chest. Also remarkably fast, even for me.

This is gonna be a long vacation...

And sometimes you hate pain meds.

So if stomach issues are TMI for you, stop reading.

I got hungry about 2 am this morning, so Holly heated me up the end of the pizza.

About 30 minutes after that, I started violently puking because my stomach got backed up.

This is why I asked the hospital for Vicodin instead of Percocet, but they insisted on giving me Percocet anyway and I was too out of it to fight them.

My stomach got cleaned out temporarily, but I'm gonna definitely need meds to make sure what happened this morning does not happen again.

Because that. was. awful.

On the upside, I got to see Betsy who brought me a delicious homemade pasta dish.