The Story of Life

I was leaving the doctor office yesterday, and the lady checking me out asked me how I was. I responded, "Good in some ways, bad in others, but isn't that the story of life?" She chuckled and said, "Yes, yes it is." So shall I get to the good and the bad?

Good: My foot is doing really well. The two bad falls I had last week didn't do any damage to my foot. I got all my bandages off and the incision looked great. I was told I could get off the scooter and start walking on it (in a boot, of course), but here's what I was really looking forward to ---> He told me I can finally get it wet! I could shave my whole leg and wash my foot after 46 days of not being able to. The first thing I wanted to do when I got home was get in the shower and scrub the disgusting amount of dead skin off, but of course, I was inexplicably super lightheaded as soon as I got out of the car, so I had to wait a few hours. But still, once I did it? Once I got to shave my legs nice and smooth and wash my foot until it looked and felt like a real foot again? I was practically in heaven.

Bad: Montreal lost my application. Yeah. I know. I don't know how, but when I emailed the head of the political science department to ask why I hadn't gotten a response yet, he said they had no record of me ever submitting an application (even though I have a dossier # from the email I got confirming that my application was submitted successfully). So he told me to send the dossier number to this lady and she would look into it. I did that, and she told me today that that dossier number does not open any folders for them so all she can tell me to do is contact the registrar. Now, the registrar's website is so confusing I'm not even sure that I emailed the right place because there were like 12 to choose from, and even if I did it will take up to a week for them to answer, so I'm probably going to have to call them tomorrow and awkwardly use my French for the first real time in three years on the phone with an actual French-Canadian. THIS SHOULD GO WELL. And to boot, I have until June 15 to tell the Residence Department if I'm not coming if I want to get a refund on the $389 Mommom put down for my first month of rent. So I emailed THEM asking if there was any way to get an extension on that deadline because I don't have an answer because the freakin' university lost my application and I'm trying to get it straightened out but I don't know how long it will take. But who knows what they'll say to that. So basically, I've been waiting and waiting on this school thinking for once I was being patient and that's a good thing (yay maturity!), only to find out that no, I'm being screwed over and didn't know it and am now running out of time to fix it.

All of that Montreal stuff happened today and yesterday. By the time I got the email from the lady today telling me they had no folder on me and to contact the registrar, I had to wake Mom up because I was having a panic attack and she's the best at talking me out of one. Then, she gave me Ativan because, as she put it, "You are NOT having another seizure tonight!"

Now, I'm going to do my Bible Study for the night (I finally started a real study!), maybe watch a Netflix documentary (I made a list of all the ones I want to see on my phone - because I'm weird), and then go to bed. Stress is draining.

And it's only Wednesday.

Sunday was the first seizure I've had since February 2nd. That was the longest streak I'd had since this whole mess started back in September 2013. And this seizure was a bad one - my mom said it was top 5 of the worst she's ever seen me have. And it was in the shower, one of the worst possible places to have one. Especially because it means that my still recovering foot was unprotected, save for the waterproof cover I put over it in the shower, and slammed directly into the wall of the tub when I slipped out of my shower chair. So that was bad enough.

Then, Monday morning, I got up out of my recliner to go let my barking dogs out, I was adjusting my knee on my scooter, my scooter went backward, I went forward, and I fell forward to the ground directly on top of the metal bars of my scooter. That left my leg looking like this.

Actually, that's what my leg looks like tonight, after it's had about 60 hours of icing and elevation. Monday morning, it was even bigger and looked like it had Jello in it. Yeah. I actually went to Urgent Care yesterday evening because I couldn't get into an orthopedic doctor anywhere (my primary care doesn't have an x-ray machine) and was seriously afraid that I had fractured something. As it turns out, I just have the world's worst bone bruise on both of my leg bones. And I also have to get an ultrasound because the doc is slightly concerned about a blood clot in my leg for a few different reasons, so that's fun.

This coming Monday is supposed to be the "get the bandages off, yay I can start walking and getting it wet again" post-op appointment for my foot. I am just praying that neither of these nasty falls did any damage to my foot that would prolong my recovery. I don't think they did, but you never know with me. I can't do anything simply. It's like my body waited until the final week to start self-destructing.

It's been a rough week. I'm tired.

Is this what PTSD feels like?

So, I had a panic attack because I thought I was getting another MRSA infection yesterday.

That was fun.

I ended up having Chelsea (who thankfully was in a good-for-her mood) take me to the ER because Mom wouldn't because I was not willing to mess around and was in unbearable pain and hadn't slept for more than 24 hours. But Mom was convinced from the start I was overreacting so she refused to do anything. Of course. Including go and pick up the antibiotic my doctor called in.

They took my cast off at the ER (and put me in a hard splint when I left) and couldn't see any obvious signs of infection, just major skin irritation, so all they could do was get my pain down to a more manageable level and help the nausea I was having (because of the pain) and send me home. My doctor's office will be calling me tomorrow to get me in for a much sooner appointment than the one I originally had set up for two weeks from now.

Then, my uncle so graciously came and picked me up because Chelsea had no gas and my grandma was still incommunicado (I later learned she was at an all-day Bingo thing, so it all made way more sense). And we picked up the antibiotic on the way home, so I have that.

I feel like an idiot for going through all that for no real results, but damn, can you really blame me? My mom's ego trip was not worth more than my desire to make sure my health was okay. We'll see what my doc says whenever he gets to see my foot in person.

Recovery and Rewards

Monday, I had my first post-op appointment. The doc said everything looked great. He took the original cast off, took x-rays, removed the stitches, and then re-wrapped and re-casted it. Look what color I got!

It dried and ended up being the perfect shade of Wolfpack red, which makes me unreasonably happy. It's a silly, small thing, yes, but if I have to have this thing on my foot for another four weeks, I might as well have a reason to smile when I look at it, right?

Yesterday, I must have caught Mom in a really good mood or something, because she agreed to get me two early birthday presents that I really want. First, it was this.

Yes, that is Harry Styles' new album. I am ridiculously excited about it. A couple songs from it have been released already, and they are SO GOOD. I can't wait for the full album to be released on Friday.

Then, there were these.

Orange bluetooth wireless headphones. I need them because my headphone jack is broken and I can't get an upgrade/new phone until December. They're a really nice brand, too; they were on sale on Amazon for $20 when they were originally $90. They'll be here next week, and I can't wait to try them out.

Gotta find happiness wherever you can get it, right?

How fun.

The pain in my foot had been slowly improving over the course of the last week, you know, as it's supposed to, and it was honestly going better and faster than I expected.

Then, yesterday afternoon, I started feeling super intense spasms in the muscles and tendons right where my doc operated. And they just. wouldn't. stop.

So I started taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen on top of my Oxycodone, hoping that that would help, and nope, it didn't make a bit of difference.

By this afternoon, I was starting to get a little concerned, that maybe the couple of times I've stumbled and/or fallen had hurt my foot and messed up the recovery. Thankfully, my doc turned out to be the one on call this weekend (instead of his partner), and it took his office's call service about 60 seconds to get up with him and call me back.

Turns out, this is actually completely normal for what he did. I didn't know this because he didn't have to operate on tendons last time, but yeah. He said this is completely expected because he basically had to take the tendon apart to even get to the joint he needed to access. So this was a fun surprise.

Fun fun fun.

Yay me.

Recovery. It's more exhausting than you'd think.

Well, the surgery went great.

This first week in recovery, however, has been much more difficult than I expected it to.

They did a nerve block for the surgery - which, as an aside, the only other time I've had a nerve block, they started it when I was already unconscious, but this time they started the nerve block while I was awake and HOLY CRAP, that hurt so freaking bad for them to do and it was also one of the weirdest freaking feelings in the world to have your lower leg go completely numb in a matter of seconds - and when the block wore off Saturday morning, I was in so much pain that the Oxycodone (straight Oxycodone, not Percocet) didn't do a thing for the pain for the next 36 hours, even though I'd started taking it while the block was still working like they'd told me to. 27 surgeries in, I have a pretty good grasp on how to handle recovery pain, and this was intense, even for me.

By Sunday night, though, that started to get better, and then the stomach pain from the painkillers set in, which took another three days to really get straightened out.

Plus, there's the whole issue of dealing with this scooter and the fact that I have the balance skills of a baby giraffe. A few mornings ago, I slipped off of it, tipped forward, and fell to the ground, landing directly on top of the metal steering bar. So now my entire shin, the same shin that has to bear all the pressure as I push myself around, is one giant bruise.

(This isn't my exact one, but it's very similar. My right shin landed straight on the vertical bar.)

The rest of this week has pretty much solely consisted of sleeping. Next week, I actually have to leave the house, so that'll be interesting.

1 week down, 5+ to go.

Same old shit but a different day.

The past two weeks haven't exactly been blog-worthy.

Not that anything in my life really is lately, yet here I am, eight years in, still rambling about the pointless happenings of my life, but I guess that's a discussion for another day.

But surgery recovery is especially mundane. I didn't put on any clothes other than pajamas or leave the house for a solid week after the surgery, and I've only left a couple times since that day.

The good news is that recovery is going well. My foot is healing well and feeling better by the day. This is the minor surgery of the two I have to have, so it's good that this one is out of the way and that it seems to be successful and proceeding well. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

Speaking of two surgeries, I did get the other surgery scheduled this week. It will be April 21. A lady canceled her surgery the same day the scheduler called me, so they were able to get me in way sooner than I expected. I am thrilled about it. It's going to be a much more complicated surgery and a much longer and more difficult recovery, so I just want it done and over with.

The fact that I should be fully recovered by my birthday is just icing on the cake.

Until then, well. it's really just biding time. Nothing exciting happens here. Not in this house. Not in this town.

Can you tell I'm bored out of my mind?

Well, this day was ruined.

Last night, not long before I got discharged, the doctor that was treating me decided to give me some Dilaudid to help me sleep through the pain because he said it looked like I hadn't slept in days (which wasn't entirely true, I just hadn't slept much each night).

Well, one mg of Dilaudid led me to sleep all day today. Like, until 8 pm all day.

I had lots of plans for things I needed to do today, but those plans were rather shot.

Oh well. I have Monday. And most of Wednesday. It'll get done. Apparently I really needed the rest.

No more sling!

After more than three months of having my arm in a sling, and just shy of four weeks of having it totally strapped to my stomach, I finally got permission to take it off today! Hooray!

The doctor (well, technically the PA, meh) said that my progress is just about exactly where it should be. I go back at the end of January, and he wants my range of motion to be back at 100%. We will see.

Mostly, I'm just really happy I can use my arm again. There are a few restrictions, but it feels like free reign because I don't have to use that sling anymore. This means I can sleep in my real bed again, too!

That's a good Monday, if you ask me.

A step in the right direction.

Today I washed a whole sink full of dishes, and my shoulder didn't hurt any more than it did when I started! It's the little things.

The rest of the day was choir practice (which was even more fun that last weekend) and lots of laziness.

I've been on a Ramen kick lately. Holly even showed me the easy way to cook it that bypasses a stove and only requires getting one bowl dirty. So yay for that.

I spent almost two hours texting Clayton tonight and we decided he's going to come down to the coast and visit me while we're both in NC for the holiday! I am SO excited. That's like, the best thing to happen for me this Christmas. He's pretty much the only person from Campbell I really miss that won't still be at Campbell when I visit next month.

It's an early morning tomorrow for the service because we have to practice beforehand. I hate early, but I like church and I like singing, so it all evens out I suppose.

As if I didn't have enough aches and pains.

I have to wear this sling with my arm totally strapped to me until December 15th. As you might imagine, having your arm in that position all the time makes everything tense up. And when everything tenses up and stays tense for an extended period, it makes muscles hurt very badly.

So that's why I woke up today feeling like someone was sitting on my chest. The muscles across my collar bone and the top of my chest were a mess all day today. Loads of fun.

Tonight was the DWTS finale. I have loved Alfonso Ribeiro since the Fresh Prince years, but seeing him dance on this show has made me love him even more. He was my second favorite of the season, so if my favorite had to land in 3rd place, I'm glad he won.

So. Ferguson.

So many things could be said, but anything I want to say has already been said and often more eloquently than I ever could, so I'll just say that I think an injustice was done, and my prayers are with Michael Brown's family, the people of Ferguson, and everyone in the black community who feels betrayed by the decision that came out. Romans 12:15 says weep with those who weep, and my heart breaks for those who live in a constant state of fear and a feeling of "less-than". I can't imagine.

On a rare occasion, I'm keeping my mouth shut. The whole thing makes my head and hurt ache.

I went to my post-op today, and things are fine, as I expected. I then went to the health center and got medication for my rash, and it helped even after only one use which was awesome. They wanted to set me up with NYU's dermatologist, but I decided to wait and see if this steroid cream takes care of it, which it seems to be, so yay.

Drained

Thought I would update. I still don't have total feeling back in my left hand, so it will be short because this is hard.

I haven't done anything except sleep and ice my shoulder and watch TV since Tuesday. I'm bored and lonely. Thank God for the church friends who have stopped by for a few minutes.

The Percocet has terribly messed up my stomach. This is why I asked for Vicodin.

Having my arm strapped to me is very inconvenient.

The sling has given me a rash.

But other than that, I think I'm where I'm supposed to be.

I'm very drained, but hopefully that will get better soon.

Football football football.

Even when you have surgery on a very small, confined area, it seems to drain the energy out of your entire body. At least it does for me.

So today, I basically lived in my recliner again and watched football game after football game after football game.

And it was awesome.

I love football.

I didn't even know how football worked until Holly joined the NC State marching band, so my how things change.

I also happen to be a really big fan of my recliner.

And sometimes you hate pain meds.

So if stomach issues are TMI for you, stop reading.

I got hungry about 2 am this morning, so Holly heated me up the end of the pizza.

About 30 minutes after that, I started violently puking because my stomach got backed up.

This is why I asked the hospital for Vicodin instead of Percocet, but they insisted on giving me Percocet anyway and I was too out of it to fight them.

My stomach got cleaned out temporarily, but I'm gonna definitely need meds to make sure what happened this morning does not happen again.

Because that. was. awful.

On the upside, I got to see Betsy who brought me a delicious homemade pasta dish.

Always good enough for TGIT.

What's better when you're in pain and recovering from surgery than good television?

And there is no good television like the trio of Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, and How to Get Away With Murder.

Justin brought me pizza. I watched a lot of television. And I slept.

That's about all you can ask for.

My church fam is awesome.

This night, Cathy, Awilda, and Ken came over and brought me fried chicken.

It was delicious.

I don't remember much else about today because, as you can imagine, it involved a lot of sleeping and pain meds and ice and not much else.

Halloween Recovery

So last night, I tried to upload the pictures to my computer, and my computer died again.  So I had to make another Apple Store appointment on my phone, and the only one they had until Monday afternoon was 10:00 this morning. Well, since I have an exam on Monday and all my notes for the exam are on this computer, I knew which option I had to take.

So yeah. I fell asleep somewhere around 4:30. I got up at 8:00, tried to eat a little bit but was so nauseous I didn't push it, and took a shower. I left to the Apple store in time for my appointment. Went to the bank and got the November rent check. Came back and went to the deli for soda and crackers.

Oh and did I mention it was raining for all of this? Yeah. So add an umbrella to my heavy computer case, purse, and my arm in a sling.

By the time I got home, I could tell my blood sugar was very low, so I forced myself to eat some crackers and drink some soda, despite the fact that every bite and sip seemed to make my nausea worse.

And then I slept.

And now I'm going to lay here and watch the newest episode of Criminal Minds and probably go back to sleep.

Being nauseous is one of the feelings I hate the most, but man, last night was worth it.

Good Report

Today I had to go to Wilmington for my post-op appointment.  In a hurricane.  So that was fun.

But good news!  I'm healing great.  My vision has improved tremendously.  The alignment of my eyes is darn near perfect.  I really don't think I could have asked for anything better.

Plus, we got two new pairs of glasses with my new proper prescription ordered from them and they will be at my house in two, two and a half weeks max.  So that's taken care of.  And I like them.

And my mom and I spent the 4+ hours of car rides (things took much longer than usual because of the nasty weather) singing together at the top of our lungs even though both our throats hurt.  It truly is one of my favorite memories of growing up with her, singing together.  And the sweetest thing I've heard from her in a long time - today she told me singing with me in the car is one of her all-time favorite memories, too. :)  Things like that make me so happy.

So all in all, today was a really good day.  But I'm looking forward to not having to go anywhere or do anything tomorrow because my body still hurts from yesterday.  Plus, the World Cup quarterfinals are on tomorrow and Saturday, so there is that. :)

On the Mend

Well, today wasn't great, but it was better recovery-wise than yesterday, and for that, I am thankful.

I haven't wanted to sleep the day away, and I actually made it through both World Cup games (one going through 30 minutes of extra time plus penalty kicks), so that's progress.

But I definitely still have a long way to go.  I took a shower and then put a load of dirty clothes in the washer late this morning, and I thought I was going to pass out.  It's amazing how long a surgery on one small part of your body can continue to drain the energy of your entire body.

Another thing I am thankful for is friends who check in on me, particularly ones that I haven't gotten to talk to in a while.  Small things like that make me smile. :)

Also, I changed my computer background tonight.  I needed this.  When I get into my new place in NYC, I'm going to cover the whole twelve inches of it in Scripture, haha.  (No, there's no update on the loan situation yet, just thinking positive.)