Friday, June 24, 2011

I'm done playing games.

(Don't worry.  This isn't anger-driven like this post.)

Okay, well, basically, I'm too tired to come up with a long, flowy, poetic introduction, so I'm gonna cut the crap and get right to the point:

This is the year that I'm determined to get my life back.

On top of this weight loss journey that I've embarked on this summer, I'm more determined than ever to reclaim the life I know that I was meant to have.  Before all the medical drama and everything that became a result of the surgeries and sickness and yada yada yada, I was a completely different person.  I'm not saying that I want to totally change who I am, because I know that everything I went through has made me a stronger and better person, but I want to get back to the girl who was confident and happy 24/7 and didn't feel like crap about herself.

I guess this pretty much ties back to my year of peace that I spoke about in January.  But not only am I finding more peace with my life and all the drama that it entails, I'm slowly finding more and more peace with myself.  This year is the first time in my entire life where I feel like I have some real genuine and caring friends (other than Matt, of course) that I can rely on, and I don't have to sit and worry about what I'm doing wrong and why I make people hate me or whatever.  I have always said that I didn't care what people thought about me, but if we're being honest, I think everybody cares, at least to some extent.  But at this point in my life, I'm actually really okay with who I am, and it doesn't bother me as much when someone has a problem with me.  All of my real friends tell me I'm one of the nicest people they've ever met, and I know that I can be secure in that.  I'm finding peace with who I am and loving myself to a whole new extent. 

So I give up on the games.  I give up on trying to make things right with people who have no interest in doing so.  I give up on the excuses on why I can't lose weight (some of which are true, but I've been using them and not really trying like I've needed to).  I give up on worrying about making everyone else happy before I worry about myself.  I give up on not worrying about myself.  I'm done trying to please other people when it winds up with me being miserable in the long run.

It's long past time that I get my life back, that I get back to the life that I know God wants for me.  I'm going to fight like hell to win this battle.  Just like I always do.

Wish me luck.

1 comment:

  1. Welcome to your own version of Outrun -- life changing -- enjoy the journey, it's so incredibly worth it. Letting go of the past, the excuses, the negativity, it's a weight loss journey all on it's own, the weight of it all on our shoulders can be crushing... but you're already setting yourself free of it, keep it up, and pretty soon, you'll be soaring!