I don't really want to rehash all the details of why I was so upset yesterday, because it's done and over and I'm really trying to not get stuck in the past anymore. However, suffice it to say, the past week has been very hard and my mom and I hit probably the lowest point in our relationship that we've ever had.
Matt came over and spent two hours with me tonight because he knew I was ridiculously close to snapping and completely losing it. Talking to him, talking it all out with him, made me feel a thousand times better.
He's the only person that really makes me feel heard. He's also the only person that seems to really worry about me and how I'm feeling on a day-to-day basis. In this family, I usually feel like I have to just take care of myself because Mom is so stressed out all. the. time., but Matt wants to protect me, he wants to take care of me, he loves me enough to actually worry about me. As he said tonight, "You're my little sister. I'm gonna worry about you. It's just how it is, it's how I am."
How I feel right now reminds me of how I feel about my relationship with Jesus: Oftentimes, I feel that I've done nothing to deserve Matt's support and love and friendship. And I know I'm completely undeserving of God's grace and mercy. But I have them both. Ain't life grand? :)
I went from crying my eyes out 24 hours ago to smiling like a mad woman. It's an indescribable blessing to have a best friend that can turn around your worst day just by talking to you. And you know what is the most relieving/best part about tonight? The fact that I'm finally starting to feel okay that I'm "his little sister." That when we're together, my feelings for him aren't the only thing I'm thinking about. I'm not saying I'm totally over him because that'd be crazy - it's gonna take quite some time before that happens. But it's a start.
Thank you God.