In every one of them, I get attacked. Sometimes emotionally, sometimes sexually, most of the time physically. And then I wake up shaking and
The most frightening part of it all, though? Occasionally, the attacker was someone I don't recognize, but most of the time, the attacker was Matt.
I just can't believe that this is happening this week. This week, when I don't think we have ever been closer or in a better place. When I'm happy with how things are. When I feel 100% secure with him and know that he loves me.
Satan has to be up to something. That's literally the only reason that I can come up with that I'd start having nightmares about my best friend, the person I trust more than anyone on this planet, raping me. It just doesn't make sense under any other explanation.
It's not like I actually believe there's a remote chance of those nightmares ever coming true. Matt is possibly the least confrontational person I've ever met. He's also one of the most chivalrous. He wouldn't hurt a fly, he certainly would never sexually assault a woman, let alone me. But of course, I remember these nightmares more than I usually remember a dream. I can't get them out of my head. As if dreaming it wasn't bad enough, they're still haunting me.
Dude, satan, go away. I've got enough going right now. I really don't need this, too.