Surprisingly...

I am not nearly as stressed or as overwhelmed as I expected to be going into my first experience with college finals.

Today I...
woke up at 10:30.
got lunch at 11.
tried to go to the accounting office to pick up my check but was told it won't be available till 1.
finished my English exam.
picked up my check.
took a nap because I got a headache.
studied French.
cleaned out some of the drawers in my desk.
hung out and tried to relax despite my persistent headache.
and now am currently finishing my laundry and am about to go to bed.

Tomorrow starts studypalooza.

6 days!

Une semaine!

In case you're wondering, that is French for "one week."
As in, one week from today I will be HOME.
That's fantastic!
I am so so so so so ready for this next week to be over.
I'm 2/3 of the way through my English exam. Awesome.
Tomorrow, I get to go to the accounting office and pick up my second $50 notetaking check.
My mom will also be putting money in my account to pay for my storage facility, and to pay Morgan gas money, and her, her boyfriend Corbin and our friend Bryan for helping me move all this stuff.
Okay. I'm tired. Thank heavens I don't have to get up at a certain time tomorrow.

One more day!

One more day of classes! I could do a dance!...but I'm too tired to.

Classes were fine. I'm just glad I don't have to listen to my Government teacher lecture anymore.

My partners and I pretty muched aced our oral French final. Yay for that!

I won the movie "Hitch" last night at our dorm meeting. That was cool.

I took a break today. I have had a bad headache since classes finished at 3, and I'm pretty sure I have a sinus infection. Right before finals start. Perfect timing, no?

At 10 I can take more Ibuprofen. Thank God for that.

I am going to watch SVU and go. to. bed.

Long. freakin'. day.

So I didn't sleep much last night.
I got up at 8.
Ate breakfast.
Went to classes.
Ate lunch.
Did homework.
Watched Gilmore Girls while I ate dinner.
Met with two guys to create our French dialogue for the oral part of our final tomorrow.
Watched Dancing with the Stars while I typed it up.
Am currently to get my brain together to figure out what else I have to do tonight.
I have a dorm meeting at 10.
Then I have to get a shower.
And then I have to finish stuff.
Which means I won't be in bed before midnight at the earliest.
And for once, I haven't taken a nap today!

Also, my English final (on annotation) is a take-home exam, which means I can get it out of the way and have one less thing to worry about. That's pretty awesome.

In which I use the word which a lot.

My last Monday is over!

I'm really not counting next Monday, because that's just my English exam, and not only will it be a piece of cake, it's not till 3 pm. Which means I can stay in my pajamas all day till I have to go to it. Which is awesome.

I. am. so. tired. Which isn't anything new. Which makes me wonder if you guys are tired of me whining a lot.

I have 10 days till I get to see Blake again. Which makes me happy.

I also have 25 days till my first foot surgery. Which is freakin fantastic, because, as you all know, my feet are a pain in the butt.

I got my new retainer finally. Which is a relief because my teeth are way screwed up from going without a retainer for like two months. Part of which is my fault, because I lost mine in February. Part of which is not my fault, because I went to get a new impression and FedEx lost it in the mail.

There is one bad thing about the end of the semester, which is the fact that I'm running out of food in my room. I can tell you I have eaten a lot of Oodles of Noodles lately, but my mom wants me to eat as much of what I have as possible, so I have less of it to bring home, which is reasonable.

Okay, I think that's enough "which"es for one night. :) Good night.

Major good news!

I get to leave next Thursday the 6th instead of waiting till the 8th!

I had dinner with my friend Morgan tonight, and I was telling her about how my mom and I really didn't know how we were going to transport my stuff to a nearby storage facility since we don't own a truck or anything. She said she might be able to borrow her dad's truck and since they only live 45 minutes away, it would be easy. We both finish our finals on the same day, Wednesday the 5th, and so she's going to bring home a bunch of her small stuff home in her car that day. She called her dad, and he said that would be fine because he can take her car to work on that Thursday. Her boyfriend is also coming up from Wilmington that day, and Thursday they are going to come back in her dad's truck to help me! Holly also might be able to come that morning for some more muscle power.

This works out perfectly. My grandma really wanted to come get me that Thursday, so she's happy, too!

AND it's two less days that I have to wait till I get to snuggle with sweet Blake again. :D

I am so excited. ELEVEN days!

Good news!

My headache is definitely better.
It still sucks, but it's better.

I'll tell ya one thing, though...

I had no idea even I could sleep so much. ;)

Horrid, horrid day.

Fell asleep about 4.
Woke up at 10:30 with the most monstrous headache.
Skipped class.
This is the first time I've been able to open my eyes without cringing.
Thank God it's Friday.
Maybe by Monday I won't hurt this bad.

Ugh, this is a rough night.

Insomnia sucks.
Insomnia with killer neck, back, and head aches bites the big one.
Seriously, the pain was so bad I broke down and called my mom nearly in tears because of both the pain and fear that something was wrong because the pain was/is only on the right side of my head. Her response? "Well, you have to make it through finals." Touching, isn't it? Haha.
And then, I made myself take some Oxycodone. I haven't done that once since I finished my weaning process. It took the edge off, but the pain is still like a 7.5. :( And I thought it would help me sleep, but not yet. Good thing I don't have to get up till 10:15 or 10:30.

Sigh.

YAWN.

Two more days of waking up at 8.
I really like that fact.

Tonight, I spent an hour and 25 minutes talking on the phone with a dear, dear friend.  It was amazing.  And just the kind of relaxation I needed today.  Stress headaches are E.V.I.L.

I completely forgot to mention that I saw my great-uncle Ed yesterday.  He's possibly the sweetest old man you will ever meet. And incredibly humble, too. I am a lucky girl just to have him in my life.

I am cold.  And tired.  And out of things to say.  So good night!

6 month update

So do you remember what happened six months ago today?

I thought I'd give you a little update and make you all jealous of how fast my hair grows. (Just kidding on the jealous part :P)

This was me at Thanksgiving.

This is me today.

Pretty awesome, huh?  (Forgive it for being messy; at the end of the day, after classes and whatnot, I'm too tired to care what my hair looks like, lol.)

I'm really not that far away from what my hair looked like before all the surgeries.

I don't really have anything fascinating to write about today.  I just wanted to show you this because it makes me happy. :)

Kai nyn.

I've been thinking a lot about last fall lately...well, a lot more than usual.  It all seems like it was yesterday.  I still remember everything - the sights, the smells, the pain, and most of all, the fear and sadness.

I know I said in a lot of my blog posts during that time that I was trusting God, and that I knew there was a reason and a plan for what happened.  But I've got a confession to make:  Most of the time, I was forcing myself to say the words in hopes that, if I said enough, I really would believe it.  90% of the time was spent in anger and frustration, wanting to know why that had to happen to me, why I was chosen to deal with all that when all I wanted was to go to college.

I'm still waiting for the answer.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing this "Christian" thing right.  I believe in God.  I know I do.  But I can't seem to figure out, when times get hard, how to remember that God really is in control.  And I just feel like, if my faith was in the right place, I wouldn't have such trouble remembering that.

In Angie Smith's book, "I Will Carry You," she talks about when Mary and Martha were waiting for Jesus to come after they had sent word to him that their brother Lazarus was sick.  When Jesus finally arrives, Lazarus has already died, but when speaking with Him, Mary and Martha both use the phrase, "Kai nyn."  Even now.  Even then they trusted him when they were upset over losing their brother.

I want to be the girl who, when faced with six brain surgeries and staph pneumonia all in three months, still says kai nyn.  Even now I know that you are in control. Even now I know you have a plan for this.  Even now I know that you will redeem my hurt.

I do love Jesus.  But my Type A personality is still trying to learn to let go.  Retrospect is the easy part.  After a rough period is over, it's always much easier to say that I know God has a plan for what happened.  This time is harder.  A lot harder.  I have to learn that impatience is not useful with God because this is all in His timing.

Ironically enough, Angie's husband Todd is in the Christian group Selah, and their song "Unredeemed" has been speaking to me, as well.  Especially this part:

It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But you never know the miracle
The Father has in store

Lord, help me to get over myself and remember that You will redeem this.  Help me to remember that You always make beauty from the ashes.  Help me to trust You wholeheartedly.  Because even now, I believe in You.

Kai nyn.

Better, but not good.

That's me today.
I'm better than I was yesterday, but I don't feel good.
I have an upset stomach even though I've barely eaten anything, so I don't know what my issue is.
Oh well. It could be worse.

-----

In other news, I got my copy of "I Will Carry You" this morning!
I finished it just before Dancing with the Stars came on at 8.
Words can't describe how amazing this book is.
If you have suffered any loss of any kind, read it.
I have more thoughts to come on it, hopefully tomorrow. I just need to process everything.

I sure hope...

I sure hope whatever stomach bug I've got is only a 24-hour thing.
I feel like crap.
Hope your day is better than mine.

So much for getting up early.

I had another night of not sleeping much.
So I really didn't get out of bed till 2 pm.
Oh well.
I did manage to get all my laundry done, and some homework.
I wish these headaches would let up.
They're probably due to stress, so nothing's probably gonna change for the next 3 weeks.
The good news is that I may not have to wait till Saturday the 8th to leave.
If there is a church nearby that will let us borrow a truck to load stuff up and take it to nearby storage facility, my grandma can come on the Thursday or Friday.
I emailed my CUW professor, who would know if there's someone who can help.
We will see what happens.
Either way, 21 days is the maximum I have to wait.
And that's awesome.

Another YAY

I got an 88 on my Government test!
In general, that's not one of my best grades, but I was SO nervous about that test after seeing how many of the questions I didn't think I knew, so I'm very very happy.

I'm glad it is Friday.
I may go to bed early, and get up at a decent hour tomorrow (something I usually don't do on the weekend) and do homework and laundry and whatever.

I want my copy of "I Will Carry You" from Angie Smith! LIKE NOW. Yes, Amazon says the estimated delivery date is Wednesday, so they haven't screwed up or anything, but people are getting theirs already and I WANT MINE. :)

Blake is 6 weeks old today! Can't believe the next time I'll get to see him, he'll be two months (and 3 days). Where is the time going?!

But this also means that I have only 13 days till the end of classes, and 19 days till the end of exams. And 22 days till SWEET SWEET SUMMER. (Can you tell that I want to go home already?)

Today ROCKS.

A on my Econ test. (24 out of 25, on a bell curve so anything above 20 was an A, 4.5 points better than the first test)

A on my research paper. (2 As in the whole class, my professor said mine was the best and called me "technique-wise almost perfect")

and narrowly missed being hit by a car. (my fault!)

Plus, I finally got some decent sleep last night.

Can't believe the end of the semester is so close!

6 more of my MWF classes.
4 more of my TTH classes.
Last day is 4/29.
Reading day 4/30.
Exams are 5/3, 5/4, and 5/5.

A huge relief and completely terrifying all at the same time.

I am glad that all of my professors got their last test out of the way weeks before the final, so I don't have to worry about anything else huge till finals week. My friend, Kari, has tests the whole week the week before finals, and THEN she has to worry about finals. That would suck.

Two months till my 18th birthday! YAY!

Is it Friday yet?

It's been a long week.
Lots of stuff going on.
Not sleeping well.
Just blah.
I want it to be summer already!
I'm so tired of listening to my jerk of a Government teacher.
I'm tired in general.
All.
The.
Time.
And since I have no homework to do,
and there's no new Law & Order: SVU tonight,
I'm going to bed early.
Very early.
Sounds fantastic, right about now.

My Mom and I...AND a giveaway!

We're quite the interesting pair.
Especially when we talk on the phone, and it's late at night, and we're both exhausted.
We start off having a normal conversation, but then we get off on tangents.
Tonight it was all about Spanish.
We were talking about finding a way to get my big stuff into a storage facility around here over the summer. Then, I got a bunch of texts that she had sent almost an hour before that didn't come because my reception sucks. One of them said, "Te quiero!"

Me: Mom, are you aware that 'te quiero' means 'I want you'?
Mom: Really? I thought 'te quiero' was 'I love you'.
Me: No, that would be 'te amo'.
Mom: OOPS.
Me: You're just lucky you sent that to me and not someone else.
Mom: Yeah. Yo no te quiero!
Me: Yo tampoco!

Then, she started saying random stuff in Spanish that I didn't completely catch because I was trying to watch Parenthood at the same time, but I thought I heard the word "infection."

Me: Did you say something about an infection?
Mom: No, I said 'te amo' is a sign of AFFECTION.
Me: Ohhhhhhhh. That makes so much more sense!

Ensue almost delirious giggling.

We are an impeccable team, I tell ya.

-----

Also, quick note: My amazing friend Jess is giving away Meredith Andrews' latest CD. If you love Christian worship music, go enter the giveaway here!

Dancing in the Rain

Today, at the last CUW I have to attend all semester, I finally heard something that actually resonated with me.

Our speaker today was a local preacher; I don't remember where he was from, but I do remember his name was Brian and that he went to the Campbell Divinity School. His talk today was focused around a quote his wife had sent him in an email.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.  It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I can't get that out of my head today.  Anyway, he was talking about how within 6 months his wife was diagnosed with brain cancer and he was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, but they never forgot that God was right there with them.  He also referenced Isaiah 41:10 a lot: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." 

This makes me think about all of the people in the past six to eight months that have told me how "strong I am" and how they "don't know how I survived everything."  I never felt strong or brave.  I still don't.  And I certainly wasn't strong enough to remember that God had a plan for what I went through.  But my feelings about it were and are that I didn't really have a choice in the matter, and I couldn't just curl up in a ball and cry all day every day, so I found a way to deal with it.  It certainly took time, but by the point where I had to withdraw from school for the semester, I stopped fighting.

And I think that quote can be applied to any bad situation, no matter how heartbreaking.  God is with us all the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, every year of our lives. Even if we forget that.  He's not putting us through rough and painful times to hurt us, it's to teach us lessons.  As Brian said this morning, if He let His own son be tortured and hung on a cross, the least we can expect is for our lives to be hard, too.  God never promised life would be easy, He just promised that He'd be there every step of the way.  So the next time each of us gets down or upset or put through a tough time, instead of just waiting for it to be over, we should learn how to dance in the rain.  That is my hope.

At Least

At least I got some stuff this weekend.
I managed to read, and study, and get laundry done.
But I feel completely wiped out this weekend.
Like I can't get enough sleep.
I don't really know why.
I don't feel sick or anything.
I hope I feel better in the morning.
I'm gonna watch this special Brothers & Sisters and go to bed.
I hope your weekend was nice. :)

Nada

That's how much I've gotten done today.
I apparently really needed to catch up on sleep, though.
I couldn't stay awake for the life of me.
Oh well.
There's always tomorrow!
And now there's exactly 4 weeks till I am home for the summer. :D
That is all.

Busy Weekend

I've got a lot of stuff to prepare for Monday and Tuesday.
Test.
Quiz.
Research paper due.
Essay due.
Reading.
Studying.
Yay college!
Haha.
Bored.
And tired.
My scar still hurts from yesterday.
I got another A on my Western Civ test!
My Government teacher was a big, condescending jerk today.
Yawn.
Good night!

Genius Move of the Day

My feet were in worse shape than usual today.
So I called Campus Safety every time I needed to get somewhere, because I really just couldn't take it.
Well, one of those times was a ride from Econ to English (a very long walk even when my feet are cooperating).
I stood up to get out of the golf cart and slammed my head directly into a bolt on the roof of it.
Directly onto my scar from my last two brain surgeries.
I know that bolt is there.
I usually avoid it.
But today? Nope.
It still hurts.
I'm just luckily I didn't draw blood with how hard I hit it.

Yep. I'm just cool like that.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

my cousin Dustin with Blake

my Grandma Frances with Blake for the first time

I skipped Economics

And my day was still very busy.

Between not sleeping much last night, and waking up at 8 with a bad headache, I realized I just couldn't do it. Eh, it was my first absence in there all semester, so no big deal.

So I got up at 10.
Went to the library from 11:15-12:45.
Ate lunch.
Met with my advisor and picked out my schedule for the fall.
Took my Western Civ test that I missed yesterday.
And then came back and did laundry. (All four washers were empty on a Tuesday! I don't think that's ever happened before!)

And now, I'm exhausted.

But just to document it, my schedule is:

9:00-9:50 MWF Religion 125/Intro to Christianity
10:00-10:50 M CUW 100/Campbell University Worship
1:00-1:50 MWF French 201/Intermediate French I
2:00-2:50 MWF English 102/Freshman Composition II

9:30-10:50 TTH History 112/Western Civilization II
12:30-1:50 TTH Environmental Science 111/Intro to Environmental Science
2:00-4:50 TH Environmental Science Lab

Not as awesome as this semester, but not too bad.

And according to WebAccess, the first day of classes is August 18th.

Okay, good night.

46

That's how many days there are till my first foot surgery.
The day would be May 21st, in case you're too tired to figure that out. :)
The doctor was really nice.
On my right foot, where my big toe starts, a piece of bone has actually broken off, so that's why that toe and joint hurt so bad all the time.
The bones are completely misaligned, and he said on both feet, they'll take out the joint that is at the top of the foot, and just fuse the bones together so that they can't slip out of place again.
They're also going to stretch the tendon on the back of my right foot because the heel cord is super tight, and that's after having my right leg in a cast for like 6 months when I was little, so hopefully I'll have more movement after that.
Recovery for each surgery will be six weeks, so if we can do the second surgery six weeks after the first (he only does surgery on Fridays), that would be July 2nd, and I should be close to fully healed by the time school starts back in August. At the very least, my left foot will be healed and that is my stronger foot, so I'll be prepared.
I'll be in a cast for two weeks after each surgery, but they gave me a waterproof cast cover, so I won't have to do sponge baths. Major yay for that!
And because I have so much nerve damage on my right side, I would never have the coordination to use crutches when my left foot was in recovery, so they gave us information about a place that has a walker-like thing. It has wheels, so you rest the knee of the injured foot on this soft hammock type thing, and use the good foot to move along with the walker. Does that make sense?
That's all I can think of about the appointment.

Other random things:
I'm super glad that the air conditioning is finally on in Burkot.
Holly drove down from Raleigh to Campbell so she could spend some time with Blake tonight.
Blake is one month old today! That's crazy!!
I have my advisement appointment tomorrow to pick out classes for next semester. I also have to make up my Western Civ test that I missed today. (I still have to do a quick review for that!)

That's about it. Good night.

Today was fair.

Not great, but better than yesterday.
We went to Outback for Chelsea's birthday,
and there was no fighting.
So major improvement.
Tomorrow we're going to Wilmington.
Dropping Chelsea and Blake at my grandma's (dad's mom) apartment who lives down there.
Then, Mom and I are going to this foot surgeon that we were referred to and hopefully scheduling my two foot surgeries for this summer.
After that, they're taking me back to Campbell, and Holly's meeting us there so she can see Blake. :)
I'm tired. It's late.
Happy Easter! We live because Jesus has risen!

Awesome

Aside from the fact that this is Day 2 of the one weekend I'm home till after the semester is over that I don't get to spend with Blake, I have had an awesome day. Like, I have no idea what got into my mom today, but I like it. :D

We went to lunch at the best restaurant in our tiny town.
We got manicures and pedicures (and I got orange nail polish!).
We saw The Bounty Hunter.
We went shopping again and I got an adorable dress and exchanged two bras that didn't fit me. My mom bought herself some more stuff, too.
We went to Shoe Carnival, and my mom got three pairs of nice shoes, and I got a pair of brown dress shoes.
We went to Sonic.

Now, I'm sitting here watching the Duke/West Virginia game. Awesome.

Lazy

My mom and I were lazy today. We slept a lot. Ate good spaghetti. Watched House and Pretty Woman.

See, Chelsea went out "for the day" with Blake and the girl who was her roommate when she had him. So the house was quiet. And calm. Something you don't often get with Chelsea and a baby.

Now, Chelsea isn't coming home tonight. Even though she was supposed to. And I'm mad. This is the one weekend I'm home till after school is over, and I can't spend it with Blake like I wanted to. That, and I know that when she does show up tomorrow, more massive fights are going to ensue. It's her 21st birthday tomorrow, and our family meal is supposed to be on Sunday, and she's going to expect everything to still go on as planned. And my mom isn't going to let that happen. And yada yada yada, you get the picture. Basically, an already bad weekend is about to get worse. *sigh*

It's Good Friday. May we all remember what God gave up for us, and what Jesus suffered for us.

HOT HOT HOT

So I go from Burkot, where they won't turn the air conditioning on
to my house, where the air conditioning is broken.
I AM SO HOT.

But I'm home with Blake. And that makes everything better.  :D

(Even if Chelsea is as immature as ever.)