God provides. Always.

It's really easy to think the worst of people nowadays. It seems like everyone is out for themselves, and we see so much violence and hatred and sheer brokenness in the news that we can be overwhelmed with the picture that people are just screwed up. At least, I know I do.

I needed $3602 to pay for this last semester. Last semester, we got every dollar we could out of Mom's bank, so options this time seemed even bleaker than before. I've been working really hard at learning how not to freak out in situations like this, so on Friday, I did the only thing I could think to do and sent texts to several people asking them to pray that we could find the money I needed.

One of those people is Mom's best friend, Rachel. She asked me a couple questions and said she'd be thinking and praying. That was all I was expecting.

Well, today, Matt was over visiting for a little while and I heard my phone ring. I figured it was nothing, so I blew it off. Then I heard a text message. Matt left not long after that, so I went and checked my phone to see who had called. There was a voicemail from a number I didn't recognize and a text from Rachel telling me to check my voicemail.

The voicemail was from her dad. My heart immediately started racing because I knew that if this man, someone I'd never met, was calling me, it had to be important. I immediately called him back. He told me that Rachel had told him about my situation of needing money for school, and about some of the things that I've had to fight through to get to where I am now. He explained that he is the pastor of a very small church, so small that he hasn't taken a salary in more than 30 years and they don't have a lot of expenses. Because of this, they have a fund built up that they usually use to support missionaries overseas. However, once Rachel told him about me, he felt compelled to talk to his congregation today.

Every single person there agreed that they couldn't think of a better way to spend part of their fund than to loan me the money for this last semester.

Strangers. Giving me a $3602 loan. At no interest. AND I don't even have to worry about paying it back until I am settled with an established job and have the resources to afford to pay them back.

Who does that?! I spent the next hour walking around Mommom's house just randomly exclaiming "I'm just so happy!"

People can be so mindblowingly awesome. And God is an awesome provider. Always.

Ah, look at all the pretty people!

I'm pretty sure that's not how "Eleanor Rigby" goes. Oh well.

So I've gotten back into Dancing with the Stars the past couple of seasons. I don't watch it live, but I watch the dances of the celebrities that I care about on Youtube and look at the scores and eliminations on Wikipedia. That way, I get all the relevant information and skip all the other stuff. But since I started watching in Season 4 and that was, ohhh....seven and a half years ago, I've grown rather attached to some of the pros. Some haven't been there the whole time, but still. They're phenomenal dancers and even better looking, so what's not to like? ;)

Three of my favorite pros, Maks and Val Chmerkovskiy and Tony Dovolani have several dance studios centered around NYC (Maks and Val grew up in Brooklyn and Tony lives in CT, so it's not surprising), and so one of my "NYC Bucket List" items was to find a way to meet Maks and Val. They're Mom's and my favorites. Well, last December they and some of their dance friends created this massive dance show called Sway that sold out several nights. Well, when I heard that they were creating Sway 2.0, my first thought was "This is my chance!"

And then my second thought was, "Crap, they probably use strobe lights."

So I emailed their dance studio company email set up for the show to ask. I got a response back via Twitter that, yes, there are strobe lights. Dang it. BUT I then got an email today saying that there were meet and greet tickets available that were just for the meet and greet, without paying for the show. SCORE.

If this blog abruptly stops after December 19, this is your warning now that it's because I died and went straight to heaven after getting to touch and talk to the Chmerkovskiy brothers.

I'm paying a ridiculous amount for this, and it involves taking two subways and a bus to somewhere in Long Island, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to meet these guys, and some other pros that I've grown to love.

Look!

Aren't they so pretty?

Across the top, that's Val, Maks, and Tony. The girls are Sharna and Peta, both DWTS pros, and Jenna, a DWTS dancer. The guys on the bottom are Artem, a new DWTS pro, Serge, a friend of the guys, and Henry, a DWTS dancer.

I called Mom and told her and she laughed hysterically and then said "Kiss Maks and tell him it's from your mother. Kiss him ON THE CHEEK." She told me it's ridiculous that I'm paying so much for a meet and greet, but she doesn't blame me one bit.

Shoot. When it comes to him, Val, and Artem, I'll be kissing them all for me.

I can't help it. They're just so pretty.

Surprises

It's 2 am right now as I start this, but before I get to all the surprises I'm thankful for today, let me document all the other, non-surprise stuff.

Medical:  they've been forcing me into seizures today.  Four total, by having me work this "arm bike".  It's like an exercise bike, I just use my hands/arms.  Since all the seizures in the past six weeks were while I was out doing stuff, they knew they had to get me to do something if they were going to trigger one, and it worked.  Once the first one happened, the doc (not my normal neurologist, some hospital guy) told me to do it as much as possible, because the more they could trigger, the more they would have to go on with the EEG/video monitoring recording.  I don't know if I'm going to have to keep doing it tomorrow.  I hope not.  Seizures are exhausting enough by themselves, even more so four in a day WHILE severely sleep deprived.  At least Mom will be back tomorrow night.

Visitors:  Yay!  I got to see people today, too.  Holly got up at what I'm fairly sure is a much earlier hour than normal and came and spent a few hours with me before work.

Alex came by when he got out of class!  This was so sweet of him.  Just being around him makes me smile because we're such good friends.

And Matt!  I haven't seen this boy since my birthday, and after his four jobs today, he managed to come by.  And I got to meet his girlfriend!  That hasn't happened since several girlfriends ago when he was a freshman in college.  She was sweet.  But I got to lay on him and hug him and mess with him and tell his girlfriend all about us, and she got to see our bizarre sibling-like bond.  It was wonderful.  11 years, 15 surgeries, and who knows how many hospital stays, and this was the first time it's actually worked out for him to come visit me while I'm in the hospital.

Okay surprises.  There were several of them.  In no particular order...

Hannah, Peyton, Emily, and Travis got back to campus just after 2 am last night...by 7:45 am I was getting texts from them.  And they miss me!

I had some sweet conversations with Ethan and Chirag, a couple of the soccer boys, and found that several of the team members know about my health and have been concerned for me.  My conversation with Chirag was really sweet; I saw what a great guy he is after really only talking to him in passing after games.

Pastor Sean and Carla and Jacob (their son) surprised me by coming all the way up here to visit!  So good to see them since I haven't been to church or small group in weeks because of all this.  Pastor Sean prayed before they left and without even knowing it, touched on things about my life and my future with this story that I've been given that I've been praying about already.

Holly came back a second time, tonight while Matt was here!

Matt actually CAME.  He's never been known for his reliability or punctuality. ;)

My blood sugar crashed and I blacked out while trying to give Matt a hug bye.  Not a full seizure, though.

I've gotten to share my story to varying degrees with hospital staff.

When I texted Mom to tell her they finally managed to trigger a seizure, Mom texted back "Excellent.  Would you like an iPhone 5C?"  Just like that.  So I have a lime green iPhone 5 coming to me tomorrow.  That shocked me big time!  I was perfectly happy with my current iPhone 4, but this makes for a fantastic early Christmas present since I didn't really want or need anything else.

And lastly, while Holly was here tonight, after Matt left, Michael called her (turns out they never broke up, it's weird but they're working things out and I'm happy as long as they're both okay).  And he actually ended up spending 20+ minutes talking to ME.  That wasn't the surprise, though; it was that while we were talking, I or the first time truly understood just how deeply he loves me and respects me.  He said things that I honestly never expected to hear him say, things so kind that they brought tears to my eyes.  And he told me he loved me over and over and OVER again.  And we actually got to talking about faith and spirituality and I learned that he does believe in Jesus, which is surprising since Holly doesn't.  This was definitely the biggest surprise of all.  And Saturday morning, he and Holly are coming back and Holly is gonna take Mom to lunch for some mother-daughter bonding, and Michael and I are gonna stay here and talk about all the stuff we didn't get to talk about tonight because Holly was getting jealous/bored. :)  I want the opportunity to talk to him more, especially since I know that he does believe in God, so I can assure him that all the good things he sees in me, all the compliments he had for me tonight, are all God working in me.  This was never something I felt comfortable talking to him about before, but he actually brought it up.  So I'm really looking forward to Saturday.

I don't think I forgot anything, but since I slept only from 3-6:30 am this morning, forgive me if I did.  Now I'm going to go type up all my contacts on the computer just in case the transfer from one phone to the other has any problem tomorrow.  Murphy's law, ya know.  If you don't back it up, you'll wish you had, and if you do, you'll have wasted your time.  But I need to kill the next almost 40 minutes until I'm allowed to go to sleep, so why not?

Today was a great day.  Love surrounds and astounds me!  God is all over this room.  I feel it.  And I also feel all the people who have been praying for me here with me.  This intense peace and joy I have, it's all God.  That's the only way to explain it.  Only God could bring this many surprises into one day to make my day even brighter.  I'm gonna hold on to this tomorrow when I spend the whole day by myself.

God is moving.  Answers are coming.  I know it.

Jehovah Jireh

For those of you not well-versed in Hebrew, that title means "God Our Provider" and my oh my, did He provide today.

And for the record, I totally had to Google that.

I knew way back at the end of December that my communication with Pastor Chris was not going to stop there.  What I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined was the day when he asked me to join his church's online community, or when these strangers started contacting to tell me that they appreciated me, were praying for me, loved me, and that my story had changed and affected them.  I joined that community in early February, and by mid-April, I had this deep and longing desire to visit that church and those wonderful people one day.  In fact, I just looked it up, and the first day that I mentioned that desire to Pastor Chris was April 21.

I'll be honest.  One of the biggest struggles that I have in my walk with God is that I have no problem being absolutely certain that my friends' prayers will be answered, but I have a brutal time trying to believe that mine will.  In fact, it almost never happens, that I have a feeling of certainty right off the bat that God is going to give me a desire that I have.  But I told God from the very beginning that if I was meant to go to Austin, He was going to have to make it happen.  Not only did I know I didn't have the money for a plane ticket on my own, I just decided that I wasn't going to force this one.  But I kept on praying for it, and I told a few of my friends to pray for it, too.  Ironically, one of those people immediately responded, "Oh girl.  You're going.  End of story.  No doubt in my mind."  She just knew.

All of that to say, I got what is possibly the biggest shock of my life tonight when I opened my email about twenty minutes before I was due to leave for work to find a private message from one of the members, one whom I have rarely spoken to directly but whom I know has followed along with every post I've made in that community.  This is what it said:

Hi Mallory,

Since about 4 months ago (4 months!! Just WEEKS after God laid the desire on my heart!), God is telling me that you need to come to Austin.  I told Chris about it and we both prayed for that.  I didn't know how to tell you, but when you mentioned that you would like to come to visit us everything made sense for me.  I really want to support you with your air ticket, but please don't tell anybody.  Let me know when would you like to come to Wells Branch and I will take care of your air ticket.

"It is God himself who has made us what we are and given us new lives from Christ Jesus, and long ages ago he planned that we should spend these lives in helping others." (Ephesians 2:10 LB)

How incredible is that?!?!?!  I seriously sat there staring at the screen speechless for about three minutes before my mind could even process what was happening and how to respond.  It's all I've thought about all night.  I knew I had to talk to Pastor Chris, and that it had to be some time during my Christmas break, and he told me all but one of the weekends was good.

So I decided why prolong the impatience?  I finish the semester on Monday December 9th, and I'm flying to Austin on either Wednesday December 11th or Thursday December 12th and returning Monday December 16th.  I still feel pretty much in shock about it all.  I never imagined that I'd be writing in the community asking for a pet-free place to stay (the donor of the ticket has a dog, otherwise they'd host me), I really didn't expect it, especially not this soon.

But I really should know better.  The God that I serve loves to blow all of our human expectations out of the water.  And because of His amazing goodness, three months from now, I'm going to get to meet, hug, and personally thank so many people who have prayed for me and loved me for months without even knowing me.  My Jehovah Jireh came through in a major, major way today.

Thank you, Lord.  May I praise your name always.

Birthday Weekend Recap

Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Saturday, I woke up at the crack of dawn.  Okay, it was more like 7:45, but still, way earlier than I should have been awake on my birthday.  Eventually, I fell back asleep, though, and woke up about noon.  Mom, Mommom and Blake were at the beach (I was too sunburned to go) and Chelsea was at work, so I had the house to myself for about two hours before Mom and Blake got back.  I was texting Matt on and off, and he showed up right about 3:00 because his parents were out so he had nothing to do.  As soon as he walked in,  he was a Blake magnet, and I tell ya, I always knew my best friend was wonderful, but I had no idea how adorable he was when he gets around small children.  He played with Blake for two hours straight until Mommom got here with Chelsea and he was SO good with him the entire time.  My heart just about melted.

Since we didn't go out to a restaurant, dinner consisted entirely of things I chose: steaks, asparagus bundles, fresh corn on the cob, and my mom's incredible garlic mashed potatoes.  For once, all my grandma had to do was bring over the dessert, which was also my choice - Cheesecake Factory cheesecake: strawberry, blueberry, and chocolate mousse.  Guess which one I picked?

I had two Cape Cods and everyone had some limoncello, which I hadn't had since I was in Rome in 2005.  Funniest line of the night, Matt's immediate reaction to limoncello: "It tastes like the smell of Pine-Sol."  During dessert, Matt's momma, aka my other mother (she's "adopted" me like Mom's "adopted" Matt), came over to see me.  The funny thing is that she and Mom have the same name, except she is Sherri and my mom is Sheri. I thought that was super sweet of her, but what Matt didn't tell me was that she was bringing me a gift!  Then again, Matt may not have known.

It had a bottle of Mary Kay after sun replenishing gel, because she sells Mary Kay and saw my post about my sunburn, and two little bottles of rum.  It was great.  She stayed for about 45 minutes, and of course I had to get a couple pictures before she left.

Excuse the off-kilter shirt.  I'm not the most observant person.  Ha!  After she left, it took 45 minutes to get Blake in bed and Chelsea to leave us alone.  But then, like I said yesterday, we spent the next 3+hours just sitting on the couch like this.

Well, eventually I moved on to my back because my hip hurt, but still.  We just talked.  I showed him the blog post I wrote about him on Tuesday, he told me I was a cheeseball and thanked me.  But after that, we talked.  About God, religion in general, politics, the news (because apparently I'm not the only nerd in this friendship), and our history as friends.  We haven't had a night like this since before he moved to Raleigh in December 2011 right after he graduated college, and it was exactly what I needed and wanted.  It was pretty cute, too; while we talked, he alternated between rubbing my hair and resting his arm on me, and sometimes he'd just randomly lock fingers with mine.  It's great, because we both know I am totally over him, we can be intimate like this without him having to worry about me getting the wrong idea.

(two separate pictures, I'm not so weird that I'd crop one picture just to post it twice)

There aren't words to describe the love I have for this kid, or the love I know he has for me.  He eventually left just after midnight because I knew I had to get up at 5 to get ready for work.  He gave me a peck on the lips goodbye, again something he's never done before and could never do before I stopped having feelings for him, and I thought I was going to bed, but then Brennan called.  Two minutes later, Matt showed back up because he forgot his phone charger inside, and he gave me another kiss goodbye.  Then I spent the next 45 minutes talking to Brennan.  I knew I had to get up at 5, but I didn't care - I will always pick talking to people over sleeping, and we haven't talked in quite a while.  It was so good to talk to him.  He initiated subjects by asking questions, gave me advice and his opinion, updated me on his life, asked me on his own to text or call him after my appointment on Wednesday, and prayed over me before we hung up.  I already believed it before, but this conversation was such good reassurance - I legitimately believe that we both learned from our mistakes last year, and he really is different this time.  He even said that he will make sure we see each other when I come to Nashville, and that he's looking forward to it.  I'm so happy I listened to my heart and didn't give up on him.  The night already felt perfect after spending so much time with Matt, but talking to him was just icing on the cake.

I didn't fall asleep until close to 2 am, and woke up at 5 to get a shower.  I was at work until noon, then came back and hung out with Mom and Blake.  I got to take about a 90-minute nap before Mom needed my help entertaining Blake while she cleaned in preparation for Holly and Michael's arrival.  Chelsea and Mommom arrived just before 5:00, and Holly and Michael arrived just before 6:00.  Because both of them were able to find someone to cover their shifts today and thus did not have to leave until late tonight, we had an easy meal last night: tortellini, leftover corn, yellow rice (which I also love) and broccoli.  My grandma brought over these cheesecake bites that were delicious.  Holly, Michael, and I left just after 8:00.  We had to go to Morehead for them to get bathing suits because we were planning on going to the beach today, but we were back in town by 9:30 and headed to The Icehouse (just a great local restaurant) to have some drinks.  It was Holly's idea to take me out for drinks, which was sweet of her and exactly what I'd hoped for.

Of course, the one night we go out, the bar is completely FILLED with people I went to high school with.  I thought it was going to be super awkward, but it wasn't.  People were cordial, and a guy I know named Tyler even bought me my first drink.

I guess people really do grow up.  :)  I had a Fuzzy Navel (peach schnapps and orange juice), some concoction Holly learned from her time at Ruby Tuesday's called a Relaxer (I couldn't tell you everything that is in it, but it was good), a margarita, a small taste of Jim Beam bourbon, and a Royal Flush (Crown Royal whiskey, peach schnapps, and cranberry juice).  I was feeling good by the end of the night!  Haha!

Some random dude that Michael started talking to at the bar took pictures for us.

Sisters!  We get along so great now.  I love it.  And her.

Michael thinks he's too cool to smile for pictures.  Just kidding!  I love him.

:)  They both took great care of me, the alcohol virgin, the whole night.

We got back around 11:30, and Holly came up with one more concoction she wanted me to try (shh! Don't tell Mom! :p), and we hung out until close to 1:00 when finally, I crashed.

This is normal Michael.  I think he'll fit right in with this family. ;) I didn't even notice he was doing that.

Don't worry, I'm not becoming a big drinker or anything, but I just wanted to do something stupid this one time.  Not many people in this day and age actually wait until their 21st birthday to get drunk for the first time, and I didn't do anything absurd or black out or anything.  Besides, Holly and Michael wouldn't have let anything happen to me, and now I know that I can have a few drinks without affecting my seizure disorder.

Turns out, that much alcohol knocks a girl out.  Aside from getting up to go to the bathroom, I didn't get up until 4:00 this afternoon.  Thankfully, Holly and Michael made me drink enough water last night that I didn't have a hangover headache or anything.  I guess two consecutive days is as long as Chelsea can go without being mean to me, but hey, I'm just happy she didn't cause trouble on my birthday, so today was kind of rough in that aspect but I tried my best not to let it get to me.  I had Brennan's advice in my head, which helped.  Tonight we had Hawaiian baked chicken, asparagus bundles (because thanks to some miscommunication and forgetfulness, we had six bunches of asparagus going into this weekend), the end of the mashed potatoes, yellow rice, and the end of the cheesecake and cheesecake bites.  It was great.  I was pleasantly stuffed.

In other news, I had a pretty bad conversation with my boss today.  While I thought they were being understanding about my disabilities, but they're actually not, so as soon as I get another job lined up, I'm quitting.  I just don't have the time or energy to spend all summer miserable because of these people.  Me being me, right after I got off the phone, I started crying, partially because I was upset that I'm essentially being punished for my disabilities and partially because I knew I needed the money in order to afford a plane ticket to Taylor and Kyla's wedding in November.  But God being God, two really wonderful things happened immediately after that.

First, Chelsea remembered I had gotten a card in the mail.  It was the SWEETEST birthday card from Caitie.  I seriously teared up and smiled so big.  I'm gonna treasure it for a long, long time.

Also, my grandma overheard my mom and I talking about how much I need the money to go to Nashville in November, and she oh-so-generously offered that, if I can't get enough money saved, she has enough frequent flyer miles that she would get me a ticket with those and it wouldn't cost her a dime.  Of course, I want to be an adult and pay for this trip on my own, but it was so nice to have this backup plan.  So it's officially official: I'M GOING BACK TO NASHVILLE!!!!!!!  149 days and counting.

And so ends this absurdly long recap of the past few days.  God has been so good to me.  I have had an amazing weekend surrounded in several forms by people I know love me.  Spending so much time with Matt totally rejuvenated me to face the next two months before Campbell.  Talking to Brennan gave me a new perspective.  All the texts and calls from people reminded me just how NOT alone I really am.  A night out with Holly and Michael gave me a chance to let loose and totally forget my troubles for one night.  My grandma gave me an incredible gift.  The past three days have been filled with more blessings than I ever could have thought to ask for.  God is so good.

I'm ready to see what the next year holds for me.

Miracles happen.

I wanted to post this now because I'm not sure how much I'll feel like getting on the computer for the next few days.

I'll cut right to the chase.

My mom is on her way up.

We're headed to my neurologist.

I have IV therapy scheduled for this afternoon, tomorrow, and Thursday.

Praise the Lord, for He is so, so very good.  And may He bless my sweet mom who is sacrificing so much to get me the help I need.  Just like she always has.

Miracles happen, people.  This is proof.  To get me this therapy now when I wasn't expecting to be able to get it, to have my mom agree to miss work for this even though it's risky for her, to have the insurance approve it within hours, that the infusion center had openings for today, tomorrow, and Thursday.  God's handiwork is written all over this.

I am so blessed.  There aren't words.

A Complete Turn Around

Today started out awful.

I was in excruciating pain from the second I woke up, I'm thinking the worst I've had since I started this medication plan.  I say "I think" because I can't remember what my pain is like from day-to-day, but I had tears in my eyes or running down my cheeks pretty much all morning because it was so intense.

Luckily, by the time I went to the infirmary for a check-up on my foot, the tears had stopped.  But then I had to tell the very nice doctor bad news: yes, the pain I originally came in for is getting better and the giant blister on my ankle is healing, but I have new pain and a new blister.  Sigh, it just never ends.

Then I got to Phonetics and found I got an 83 on that test I was so freaked out about.  Granted, I was happy because it was a B and higher than I expected, but I was frustrated because I made a LOT of stupid mistakes because I was so tired and an 83 is far from the kind of grade I'm used to getting.

My afternoon tutoring session was canceled for today, which meant I got to go straight back to my dorm after Public Policy.  Then I had to deal with accepting the fact that my neurologist feels she basically has no other options to help me other than this IV therapy, and I had to deal with a very difficult conversation with my mother in which we realized we have to figure out how to get me help for more than 100 days of constant pain without costing her good standing with her administration.  Parents should not have to choose between their job not making them depressed and their child's health.  They just shouldn't.  I'm not sure what's going to happen yet.

This is where things finally started getting good.  Great, actually.  Ryann invited me over to her apartment for a movie night with her roommates, Taylor and Cissy, their friends, a girl also named Taylor (but she often goes by her last name with this crew), Ian, and Spencer, who was down visiting from Virginia.  I met Spencer back in early December when he visited before, and we've chatted occasionally and were excited to see each other.  As soon as I walked in, he got up and gave me a hug.  Then, I sat down at the kitchen table to talk to Ryann, and he came up and said, "Happy Valentine's Day," and handed me this.

A box of chocolates. Melt. my. heart!  I meant what I said yesterday about honestly not caring that I didn't have a Valentine this year, but to have this guy that I don't know all that well be sweet enough to buy me a Valentine's Day present just made my day.  Spencer is such a sweetheart, and after all the stuff that went down tonight (which, to respect Ryann, will not be blog material because it is not my story to tell) I feel like I really consider him a friend.  This kind gesture and the talk we had put a huge smile on my face after a long and difficult day.

We all also watched this bizarre movie called Looper, and then Ian drove me back because he insisted it was too cold for me to walk up the street.  Also a very nice guy.  :)

Anytime I go over to Ryann's apartment and hang out with her and her friends, it feels like the highlight of my week.  But tonight could not have had better timing.  Good friends + good talks + fun + surprises = happy Mal.  Thus why it's past 1 in the morning and I'm sitting here writing this blog post.  It was a late get together, haha.

And I get to see them tomorrow, too.  The women's soccer team is playing UNC Pembroke at 1:00 and then playing the alumni at 3:00.  Ryann asked me to come, so of course I couldn't say no.

It's gonna be a good weekend.  I can feel it. :)

The Widow's Offering

So.  There's this blog.  It's called The Bearded Idealist.  It's written by this guy named Stephen.  He's very funny, and just the kind of blog I like to read, though I just added his blog to my reader tonight after reading all of his posts so far this year and crying from laughter.

Anyway.  Every month, he does a feature called "Beard of the Month", and back in July, Taylor was the featured beard.  That's how I first came to know about Stephen and his blog.  Well, at the end of the year, Stephen did a "Beard of the Year" contest where all of the monthly features competed against each other to see who could get the title.  It sounds silly, I know, but this is the cool part - it wasn't just a "let's see who can get the most votes" type of contest.  Instead, the winner was decided by which nominee could raise the most money for an organization called Live58 that works to stop sex trafficking (seriously, check them out, what they do is amazing).

At the time the contest started, I had five dollars and change in my bank account.  The old me would've held on to that little bit of money.  But when I saw what the donations were for, I basically thought, how could I say no to that?  Plus I got to help Taylor (though he lost, boo).  So I went and donated everything that was left in my account.  I didn't have any better use for it.  Afterwards, I sent Taylor a tweet telling him what I'd done, just to let him know I'd "voted" for him.  Somehow, Stephen saw it (and I'm still not sure how he did since he doesn't follow me and I didn't tag him in the tweet) and responded.

I basically just responded that I was happy to do it.  After that, the whole thing sort of slipped from my mind.  I got so caught up in the New Year and getting back to school that I just never thought about it.  I figured if Taylor had won, I would've heard about it, so you know, whatever.

Fast forward to tonight, and I randomly thought about that contest.  I was curious to see who had actually won, so I went to his blog and looked up the "Beard of the Year Winner" post.  I read the post about the guy who won, thinking basically, "Hmm, okay," not really feeling anything significant...until I got to the part where Stephen talked about his reaction to people participating in the contest.

See that last bullet point there?  Yeah, that woman would be me.  And I'm not telling you all about this because I want a bunch of compliments.  I'm telling you this because when I saw that and remembered I was the person he was talking about, my eyes immediately welled up with tears.  I wasn't even quite sure at the time why it was hitting me so hard, but it was.  Then, I realized that I had never made the connection between what I had done and the story of the widow's offering.  I didn't think about it when I made the donation, I didn't think about it when I told Taylor I'd donated, it never once occurred to me even though I know the story well until I read this on Stephen's blog.

I don't remember the last time I felt so humbled.  I still feel so "new" at being a Christian that to know someone looked at what I saw as an insignificant action and saw something Biblical moved me greatly.  I left a comment on the post, and told Stephen via Twitter to go read it.  He responded.

It was such a sweet picture of Jesus.  Someone looked at something I did and saw Jesus.  That blew my mind.  I truly didn't know what to say or think after that.  Even now, sitting here writing this post and trying to explain what's going on in my mind and heart, all I can think is that God really does use everything.  I remember at the time I almost felt silly only donating $5, despite that being all I had, but doing it anyway because I wanted to help.  But I didn't think about it after that.

I just remembered something.  Taylor responded to my tweet about having donated with this:

Which is true.  It may have "only" been five dollars and change, but Live58 will still use it for something, and it'll be something good, something to help save people.  And I'm sure I knew that at the time, that that gift would be a blessing to the victim that gets help.  What I never expected was that Stephen would see this as a blessing to him.  And I never imagined that I would be this blessed by it, especially not now, six weeks after everything happened.

But then again, I think that's kind of the whole point of the story of the widow and her offering.

Luke 21:1-4 - As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury.  He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.  "I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others.  All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

I bet that widow felt a little bit awkward, too, going up and giving two small coins next to larger, more impressive, extravagant gifts.  But she did it. anyway.  She gave everything she had, and Jesus saw that as more lovely, more beautiful, than everything else.

Sometimes, what feels insignificant to us makes a big difference to someone else.  It won't always make sense, but we need to do what we feel led to, anyway.  You may or may not get a thank you or recognition, but one thing is for sure: God will reward your faithfulness.  

For me, that reward came with the tears I cried as I felt Him whisper to me "I see you."  That reward came with the knowledge that even when I don't realize it's happening, I'm doing exactly what I've always wanted to do - I'm making a difference to people.  I'm helping make someone's life better.  And that keeps me pushing forward.

Don't stop trying.  Don't stop spreading His love.  Don't stop giving everything you can to do His good in the world.  You may not see the point or the justification behind it this side of heaven, but He does, and that alone makes it so worth it.

Here's to you.

So. Um. Yeah.  Things are a particular brand of awful here, so instead, I'm going to blog about the touching, beautiful present I got from my sweet friend Kyla today.

See, I thought what she was sending me was an iTunes gift card, because that was the only thing I had told her I wanted.  Instead, what I got was way, way better and so heartwarming I seriously almost teared up.  It's a book full of inspirational quotes, and it could not be more perfect for a girl as in love with words as I am.  Kyla said when she saw it, she immediately thought of me. :)

The cover:  Here's to you!  There are certain people in our lives who just make the world a better place.  They give us hope and raise our spirits simply by being the kind of people they are.  Some people stand up and champion a cause, or provide the spark, or defy the odds, or do the right thing simply because it's right.  They don't really worry about fame or acclaim, they just think about being good friends, good neighbors, good people.  We don't say it often enough, but we are grateful to have these people in our midst.  Thank you for being you.

And these are just some of my favorites.  It was so hard to only pick a few, but I couldn't post them all!

Here's to your contribution.  "You have a gift that only you can give the world - that's the whole reason you're on the planet.  Use your precious energy to build a magnificent life...the miracle of your existence calls for celebration every day." - Oprah Winfrey

Here's to your passion.  "The key is to trust your heart to move where your unique talents can flourish.  This old world will really spin when work becomes a joyous expression of the soul." - Al Sacharov

Here's to your compassion.  "Love in action is the answer to every problem in our lives and in this world.  Love in action is the force that helped us make it to this place, and it's the truth that will set us free." - Susan Taylor

Here's to your goodness.  "The work of your heart, the work of taking time to listen, to help, is also your gift to the whole of the world." - Jack Kornfield

That's just a few of them.  It is seriously one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received.

It also made me think of this song.

In case no one else has told you in a while, you are special.  You are beautiful.  You are wanted.  And I am thankful for you.

In the words of Dr. Seuss, "Today, you are you.  That is truer than true.  There is no one alive who is youer than you."

Go be you.  You is enough.

A long but awesome day!

I am so tired right now.

5:30 am - wake up, get ready

6:30 am - leave, drop Blake off at school, drop Chelsea off at work

7:35 am - arrive at Mom's school

7:45-11:35 am - grade, enter grades, organize papers

11:50 am-1:00 pm - lunch with one of Mom's colleagues at a Mexican restaurant, I had these chicken fajita nachos that were AMAZING.

1:00-8:00 pm - shopping, lots of shopping

Then home.

Then unloading tons of stuff.

Then eating.

Then trying to relax.

Then shower.

Now bed, but before I go.  I got an AMAZING surprise today:

My mom got me an iPhone!!!!!!!!

Finally!  I felt like I was the only person I know who didn't have one.  And I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I was not getting one for Christmas, so of course, my mom surprised me with one.  Thank the Lord for Sprint deals; the actual phone was free, all we paid was insurance, activation fee, and a phone case.  I'm giving Mom $50 from my Christmas money.  And this wasn't totally a luxury gift; my old phone has been getting worse by the day, so I needed a new one.  I know this isn't a big deal to most people, but it pretty much made my day.

Oh, and would you look at that?  The Mayans were wrong.  Then again, if the Mayans were good at predicting the future, there would still be Mayans.

Talk about unexpected.

If you're in America and you don't live under a rock, you know what happened today.  Heck, even if you're in Canada, you STILL might know what happened today.  It was that huge.

Two years ago, when the Democrats still had control of the US Congress, we passed the Affordable Healthcare Act.  I'm not going to get into the details of the law, because that's too much of a headache, and I don't want this to turn into some giant political argument, and I get enough of that with the Campbell CRs.  But basically, the GOP has spent every possible minute trying to get "Obamacare" overturned.  It's gone through the full system, all the way up to the Supreme Court.  Today, they FINALLY announced their ruling on the constitutionality of the Act.

One week ago, my dear friend Alex posted this on his Facebook. "Any liberal want to bet me that the Individual Mandate will be kept?  I'll put $100 on the line that it's deemed unconstitutional.  Serious inquiries only."

My first response was "Oh, if I only had $100 to spare".  He wrote back saying he'd go for $50, and after thinking about it for a few minutes, I decided what the heck.  I mean, life would be boring if we didn't do something crazy every once in a while, right?  He spent quite a while saying how this was going to be "easy money" for him and there was almost no chance.  To be perfectly honest, as soon as I posted the comment "you're on" I thought I was screwed.  I am not normally a betting woman, so this was WAY out of character for me.  After talking to various educated people about it, I seriously thought I was going to lose.  Like, I had myself convinced.  Our Supreme Court is controlled by a slight Conservative majority, so it only made sense.

Ha.  WRONG.

The Court ruled to keep the ACA.  Like I said, I'm not even going to get into personal opinions on the bill and what it means, because there's no way that will end well.  I'm just going to say that I LOVE the fact that that kid has to pay me $50 for something I had nothing to do with.  And I love the fact that I won despite being so sure that I was going to lose.

Oh, don't you worry.  I'm too high-anxiety to get into gambling or whatever.  This was just for fun, and to be crazy for once.  I'm most likely not going to get the money until I'm back at Campbell, I need to see if Louis will photograph the big moment.  Hahahaha. :)  I'm sorry, this is just fun and a ridiculous surprise.

My second crazy moment of the day:  Telling MC I'd come to work tomorrow despite technically having Fridays off to do more work on this database project we are SO close to finishing.  This was especially stupid since I'm on Day 3 of a migraine that I can't shake.  Oh well.  I like my job.  Thank God for that.

Surprises like this make awesome birthday presents.

Well, um, if I had to sum up today in one (compound!) sentence, I would say this: Most of the day was really boring, but from about 4:30 onward, it got more and more interesting.

Okay, here's the details.

Work was good.  I showed up half an hour early, ha! I don't know why I'm like this.  I got to fill out the required TFAS contract with MC, and then I spent all day going through more of that database.  When we get through these almost 10,000 "sub-companies", we get to do almost 3,000 "prime companies" (don't ask me what they mean, I don't know), so it looks like I know what I'll be doing for the rest of the summer.  On the plus side, MC said I could do my internship from 8:30-4:30 instead of 9:00-5:00, thus giving me more time to get back and eat before class at 6:00 on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.  So yay for that.

On the way out of work (ah! I actually have a job! I feel like an adult now!), I got stopped for the second day in a row by a worker from Children International, a program very similar to Compassion that's just not Christian-based from what I understand.  Yesterday was a girl, today was a cute guy!  I told him I got stopped yesterday, but he still tried to drag me into a conversation.  I listened for a second, and then I offered him a compromise so I could get back in time to eat.  I gave him my phone number, and told him if he called me, I'd be happy to listen to him, I just couldn't then.  (You'll see in a bit why this adds to my interesting night.)

I got back to my room with dinner about 5:20, so I had much more time to eat than yesterday.  Then, I went to class where we spent almost the entire 3 hours discussing socialism, Marx/Marxism, Lenin, Stalin, and economists who knew even then those dictators were crazy.  It was FASCINATING.  I've never really been big on economics, but this class is really great.  I love the professor.  And this just made me that much more adamant that people who call Obama a socialist are idiots and should not do that.  But let's not talk about politics.

Then I came back and putzed around for a bit.  This is where the night gets really amazing, in a surprising way.  About 9:40, I finally got up the nerve to call "that friend" that told me they needed "space" about three weeks ago because the seemingly unending silence was driving me nuts.  It's been weighing on me every day, but I just can't take it getting in my way mentally here.  AND THIS PERSON ANSWERED.  And we talked it out.  This person said exactly what I expected them to say, including telling me to quit apologizing because they were never mad.  They got to explain their side, I got to explain my side and my heart, and best news of all, I got my friend back!  God is so good and SO faithful.  Not only did He answer my prayer to make this agonizing silence end so I could get closure, whether this person and I were still friends at the end didn't matter, He also answered my secondary prayer to let me keep a friend that I care about so very much.  And just in time for my birthday.  :D  But anyway, we talked, I cried, that mess is finally resolved.

THEN, as if the night could actually be better, that cute guy from this afternoon contacted me, and we set up plans to meet up tomorrow morning at 9:30 before he has to be at work at 11:00.  I was surprised he got up with me, he looked kind of like I was crazy when I offered to give him my phone number. :)

Then I ran into the only one of my roommates who didn't go out to party, and we ended up talking for about 20 minutes in which I explained to her the full story (as quickly as possible) on making up with that friend, and why it was so important to me.

And then, I got in the shower, and we have our hot water back!  Which is pretty much the icing on my cake of an awesome day.

And holy crap, I didn't take a single picture today. AND my birthday is in 10 minutes!

His joy comes in the morning.

Today wasn't perfect (no day ever is), but today was really good.  Today, I think, was God's way of reminding me that He will give me the reprieve that I need if I will just give in, trust that He's got my back, and quit fighting for control.

Let's start off with the best thing first, shall we?  You know what I'm going to say it is.  Duh.  This kid.

I didn't get to see him for very long, but the time I did get to see him was amazing.  The fact that he happened to have the one day off this week that I would be in Raleigh  is just totally a God thing. Plus, he was willing to leave his visiting girlfriend to drive over and see me for a few minutes, and that means so much to me.  With him living in Raleigh full-time and me leaving for DC for the summer next Saturday, if we hadn't had this day, I don't know when we'd get to see each other again.  Part of me thinks 5 months is way too long to go without seeing your best friend, but honestly, I came to a really cool realization.  These past 5 months have shown me that I really am finally secure in us.  Yes, I miss him often, but not once did I question if we were still okay.  NOT ONCE.  Do you know how long I've been waiting to get to this point?!   I mean, we've always had that kind of friendship where no matter how long we go between visits, we pick up right where we left off like we'd just seen each other the day before, but all those worries I held onto for so long, worries he told me over and over and over again that I didn't need to bother with, are finally gone!  Talk about liberating.

The appointment was fine, just like I expected it to be.  The doctor just wanted to make sure that the new seizure medicine is working out, and I'm doing great.  They also took some bloodwork to make sure that the level of the medicine in my blood is okay or if they need to change the dosage, and to check on all of my organ functions.  The pancreatitis messed with my liver and kidneys, too, so they just want to make sure all is well there.  I'm expecting it to be fine.  I don't have any more abdomen pain, and I haven't had any of the issues I was dealing with when I was sick, either.

When I got out of the appointment, I got a super sweet text from my blog friend Lauren after she read my blog post from last night.  She was just really encouraging, and it felt really good to hear from someone who understood where I am because she's been there, too.  Sometimes all you need is someone who's willing to remind you that your mistakes do not make you a bad person or a bad friend, they just make you human.

Tonight, Chelsea went to check the mail, and in it she found a card for me.  It was a Thank You card from Kim and Grant, a couple whose blog I randomly found through a retweet on Twitter.  All I did was donate $5 to their adoption and send them an email, so knowing that Kim took the time to write me a short and simple but so sweet card and mail it to me just put a huge smile on my face.  This blogging world never ceases to amaze me.  People who aren't a part of it often think those who are involved in it exaggerate or are crazy for getting attached to relationships with people they only know through computer screens, but anyone who has made friends through blogs and Twitter and whatever will tell you that these friendships are just as real and heartfelt as face-to-face friendships.  I will definitely be putting something back in the mail to this darling couple in the next day or two. :)

I've spent a good deal of the rest of tonight talking to my roommates and also getting to know some of the other people doing the TFAS program this summer.  Yay new friends.  I can't wait to finally get up there!  This next week and a half is going to crawl.

This was one of those days where I didn't even have time to think about being sad.  Today was exactly the reminder that I needed: Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning.

Blessings are everywhere.

Today was full of surprises.

Let's start from the early morning, shall we?

Well, this didn't actually happen today, it happened yesterday, but it's still awesome and since I was exhausted last night and didn't actually blog about the day, I want to record it - consider it a bonus.  I got to have this really nice chat with Matt, and he basically told me to quit apologizing for the mistakes I made with him in the past.  He doesn't even care about all the times I took him for granted and treated him like crap.  He's an incredible best friend, the exact kind of best friend I needed in my darkest points, and he's stuck with me, even when he had every reason to leave.  That's love.  I can't believe this August it'll be TEN YEARS since we met!

Number one, I didn't actually pull an all-nighter.  I climbed into bed just before 3:00, and I dragged myself out of bed as soon as my brain registered that my alarm was going off at 6:30.  So yay, I actually got a little sleep last night, which I'm pretty sure is a big reason why I even made it through today standing.

Number two, that French Lit test was hard, but not as hard as I expected it to be.  I was (jokingly!) laying the guilt on Dr. Steegar thick beforehand, showing him the 30 pages of notes I made last night while editing through  the unnecessary information in the notes from throughout the semester.

Number three, the essays were easier to answer than the identifications.  The man actually a question from the 1800s test directly on the test.  Like, it was seriously the exact same question.

Number four, I finished that test in an hour and 40 minutes.  I had thought it would for sure take me the full three hours.

Number five, I got my presentation done by 1:00, which meant I got a nap in.  It was only an hour, but it was a nap, nonetheless.

Number six, Pam brought homemade strawberry shortcake and sparkling grape juice to the final this afternoon.  Granted, I didn't like the shortcake because the texture of it felt gross in my mouth, but it was still awesome.  And I liked the grape juice.

Number seven, Louis (the College Democrats president) is going out of his way to come say goodbye to me before he leaves tomorrow. I think that's sweet.

Number eight, last night Alex (from the debate) and I had dinner, and he asked me to have dinner again tomorrow.  (Don't read anything into it. Too tired to explain, just don't read anything into it.)  I texted him today asking if we could go to the cheap Mexican place near my dorm because I have $3.50 left on my meal plan card.  He said that he may or may not be able to make it because he made plans with someone a week or two ago that he'd forgotten about, but now this person may or may not come.  But he promised me that even if we can't have dinner, he'd still drive by and give me a goodbye hug.  He's graduating so who knows if or when we'll get to hang out again, so this was especially important to me.

Number nine, and quite frankly, the coolest one of all, my phone decided to call Taylor tonight while I was trying to text him, and then it wouldn't hang up before it started ringing.  (Side note, is it possible for a cell phone to have a virus?  Because if it is, I'm pretty sure that mine has one.)   He answered, and just laughed it off when I explained that I didn't actually mean to call him.  He asked me how I was, and that turned into this almost 20 minute conversation about all sorts of things.  I absolutely love hearing that man's insight on God and life and family and just everything.  I think he's smarter than he realizes.   Friendship just amazes me.  With all that I feel like he's taught me, he tells me I've taught him just as much.  And he called me a hero - me, I'm someone's hero, I don't think there's anything like hearing that.  He's proud of me.  He believes I can change the world, even if it's just my world.  He says I'm already making a difference to people.  I would give up anything to help that boy or his brother out, and he knows it.  He's the kind of man I want to marry one day, a man who you know would protect you and who would challenge you to be better even if it hurts.

Oh God, I am so blessed.  All those years I went without friends, and in the span of a couple years, He has blessed me with so many friends that are the kind of people that stick with you for the rest of your life.  All I had to do was wait.  And because of what I went through in school, I know how to be a better friend now. I know how to be the good friend to others without crossing lines, I know what to expect out of relationships, I know how to use this heart has given me to be there for the people I love in whatever way they need me to be.  God took all that hurt and, once again, taught me so much.

Today was just...beautiful.

Because I'm sentimental, and I like pictures, I'm ending this post with pictures of just some of the people who make my world better, who make me better.

This. It actually happened.

Today, something happened that I've basically been dreaming of and praying for for 3 years now.

I got to meet my 'sister-by-choice', dear, beloved, so wonderful and amazing friend JD.  I actually got to MEET HER.

She's so sweet.  She's driving down to the Outer Banks with her daughter, and since she was meeting up with another friend of hers in Raleigh, she decided to leave early and beat her here just so she could have time to at least come and meet me!  She surprised me by calling me about an hour and a half before she got here.  Isn't that just sweet?

It was only about an hour before she had to leave, but it was such a wonderful hour.  I kept saying "I can't believe this is actually happening!" because, well, it's not every day that you get to see a friend who lives in Canada.

Yay. Just yay.

I LOVE THIS WOMAN.  I want to be her when I grow up.  Not even kidding.  If I'm half the woman she is, my kids will be lucky.

Then, she and Jillian got a little happy writing on my whiteboards.

I'm especially a fan of the twist on John 16:33. :)  I wish I never had to erase these ever again.

Dude.  I am so blessed.  THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED!  AH!