Today was frustrating, to say the least.
It started with I was up past 1 am because apparently my body has forgotten how to sleep for more than 4 consecutive hours even if I do get up at 6:30 and stay awake all day.
And then I spent basically all day on and off the phone with my doctor because doubling the dosage on the new medication did absolutely nothing.
Basically, here's the deal. It's been 72 days of constant pain. At this point, the only real chance I have of breaking this pain is by going to my neurologist's office for several hours a day every day for a week in order to receive some IV therapy. She says that's her "next step" for someone in my situation who is not responding to ANYTHING. But that's not exactly a viable option considering my neurologist is an hour away from me, my mother is 2.5 hours away from me, someone would have to drive me there and back and each therapy session is 3 hours long, I have school, my mother can't take off work because she's finally not on the bad list at work for the first time, and my friends have lives. If it were just me involved, and Mom's job weren't an issue, I would gladly skip school for a week and go camp out in Raleigh and deal with this because I am that desperate for relief, but it is what it is. Mom needs to stay in good standing with her administration. SO. That's not gonna work.
I am so thankful my sweet doctor is basically the most patient and determined doctor I know, and I know she legit feels awful for me right now, because she spent all afternoon thinking of a new plan. We're going to do a longer, stronger steroid burst, add back in a lower dose of the old medicine I was on to go along with the new medicine, and add in some special medicine that will hopefully get me sleeping again because that certainly can't be helping matters. I'm crossing my fingers that I will get these new medicines Monday.
I've been sitting here listening to the Sanctuary livestream (thank you God for your timing, I needed this) and as soon as I started thinking about writing this post, a phrase popped in my head "Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree." God's faithfulness to me is so evident even throughout all of this, and I am so humbled and thankful.
So yeah, that's why this song is this tonight.