Thursday, January 24, 2013

Bigger and Better Plans

Well, uh, looks like my plans for summer have been decided.

I woke up from a nap this afternoon to find an email that said I didn't get the internship through the State Department for this summer.  It was your typical, generic rejection letter, the kind that didn't even personally address it to me, the kind that said "oh, this isn't a reflection on your abilities, there are just too many qualified applicants and not enough space" and blah blah blah.

And yeah, it stings.  But then again, it only happened about 5 hours ago, so that's not exactly time for it to wear off.  And I'm trying not to be bitter or upset about it, but it's hard because I really, really wanted this.

But I also know that God's plans are bigger, better, and smarter than mine.  And I know that having nothing standing in the way of me prepping for the GRE (grad school entrance exam) will give me a much better chance of absolutely killing it and getting into the really awesome and competitive schools that I'm applying to.  And it will give me time to finally complete Driver's Ed and get my license (and maybe a car, if my mom can work out the finances).

Oh and also, this will give me the opportunity to have weight loss surgery.  Yeah, Mom and I decided over Christmas that if I didn't get this internship, I'd have the surgery.  I know, it's a big jump, but I've talked to doctors and done a lot of research, and for some people, when they have their thyroid taken out, no amount of diet and exercise can make up for the fact that their metabolism gets completely destroyed.  Plus, there's the vicious cycle that my body can't handle much exercise with the state that it's in, but I can't deal with the weight issue without exercise.  And I'm doing this for me, because I want to be healthy.  And considering all of the other much more dangerous surgeries I've had, this will feel like a piece of cake in comparison.

And then there's the fact that I've been praying that God would give me an opportunity to really minister to my family.  Immediately after reading the email, I was filled with dread at the idea of spending three and a half months in the house with my mom and Chelsea and Blake with no real escape, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this could be the opportunity I was praying for.  Being there in the thick of it for that long could be my opportunity to really show them Christ through my actions, not my words.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

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