Today was a much better day for me mentally. I woke up feeling less burdened, actually rather excited to go to my 8 am French class because I finally got to see Ryann. Reuniting with my best friend is pretty much the perfect way to start off a day.
Then, I came back and took a nap. Because the best part about having only one Tuesday/Thursday class and it being first thing in the morning is that I'm left with basically an entire free day on my hands.
Then, I ate lunch.
Then, I did absolutely nothing productive for a few hours. And it was grand.
Then, I went to a meeting for campus tutors. Yes, I got a job! Four hours on Sundays and three hours on Mondays at the Tutoring Center for Algebra and Statistics, plus up to ten hours a week of one-on-one peer tutoring. It was interesting for a tutorial meeting, and I'm excited to get started. One, I like helping people, but two, money is good. It'll be nice not to be quite so strapped for cash. And tutoring is something I can do.
After I came back and ate dinner, my head reached the point that all I could basically do is take a shower and then sit in the dark. And now, I'm sitting here watching Pretty Little Liars, then The Lying Game, and then Private Practice, because while I could be doing something productive, I just can't right now.
So yeah, today was good. And I've been thinking a lot about the post I wrote last night. I posted a related status on my Facebook, and after a comment from a friend, I sent her the post thinking it might help her. It's always a very humbling feeling to see a response of "Your words are for me from the Lord." So I got to tell her a little about why I blog, and in doing so, I told her what I know is true: I write for me as much as I write for anyone else. This is my release - it always has been - there's something very freeing in being able to sit down and write out whatever is in my head. There's something about this place that makes me completely unafraid of judgment, despite the fact that I know that anyone in the world can read it.
BUT. I do truly like sharing what God is teaching me. Not because I think I have it more figured out than anyone who might read this, despite some very sweet and supportive comments from people who might indicate I know more than I realize, but just because I feel like if I can help people with what they're dealing with by doing something I like doing anyway, then this feels like I'm doing something good with what I have. And like I said, I like helping people. Helping people makes me feel good. It makes me happy. Maybe that's selfish, but it helps keep my mind in the positive, at least more often. It sounds a little silly, but it's just part of who I am, I guess.
So that about sums up today. Physically, I'm still the same, but mentally and emotionally, I feel like I'm closer to where I need to be in order to persevere. And sometimes, winning the mental part of it all is harder and bigger than the physical stuff.
Joy is a choice. And I choose it.