Monday, October 31, 2011

Life ain't always what you think it ought to be.

(special thanks to The Band Perry for the title of this post)

When I was in high school, I really didn't want a boyfriend (well aside from Matt, but he doesn't really count because he was never a possibility).  Living in a small town, I knew basically every guy in my grade because we'd been going to school together for so long.  (Only one middle and one high school, you get to know people.)  They were immature and rude and I basically couldn't stand any of them.

So yeah, I was fine being single.  And I got excited about college because Matt kept telling me how I'd meet tons of people, including guys, who were like him and could accept me the way that I was.  I couldn't wait!  Chelsea's favorite insult to throw at me was (and is still) that I'm going to "die a virgin because if Matt won't even have sex with me then no man will."  And the selfish, emotional part of me wanted nothing more than to prove her wrong. 

I thought I'd get to Campbell and finally be what society deemed a "normal teenager."  I thought I'd find a boyfriend and get to go on dates and have a date to dances and events and stop feeling like a third wheel whenever I went out with my friends.

Here I am, well into my third year here, and the biggest things I've realized about this school are a) most of the guys are still ridiculously immature and b) there are even more couples here than there were in high school. 

And it's hard.  It's hard not to let my self-esteem issues take over.  It's hard not to go back to feeling like the freak, wondering why guys don't like me.  It's hard not to think "well if I could just lose weight..." or "well if I could just get new clothes..." or whatever.

But something else I've also realized? My girl friends have girls' nights, and they include me. I'm not an outcast just because I'm single.

Basically, here's the difference between now and where I was in high school: Now I know the Truth.

The truth? 

It's better to be a "good girl" who still has her self-respect intact than a popular girl who loses it in guy after guy who all disappear far too quickly.

It's better to wait for the one God has picked out for me than date just because it's what I'm "supposed" to do. 

It's better to follow God's plan for me than to follow anyone else's, even especially my own.

Just because all the girls I know have boyfriends and I don't, that doesn't make me less of a woman.  Just because I don't have a boyfriend right now, that doesn't mean that no guy will ever love me.  That means that the King of the universe is saving my heart from the unnecessary pain of being in relationships with guys who won't treat me right, and ultimately who aren't the husband He has planned for me.  It means I am being protected by the One who loves me more than any boyfriend or husband ever could.

And that, my friends? Is so much better.


  1. If I could adjust the font in this comment, my thunderous AMEN SISTAH!!! would equal the size of the "Hollywood" sign! :D

    Except it'd be bright orange. :D

  2. There are so many things I could say about this post, but since I'm running behind, I will just leave it at I could've written this post too. :)

  3. you are so wise mal!!! your insight is terrific and one that i tried and tried to teach my own daughter. as i commented here before, you remind me of me when i was your age. i met the most wonderful man and we have a beautiful family. (18 yr old daughter and a 16 yr old son) you will be happy that you waited and didn't cave to that pressure. and there is someone special out there for you. just like there was for me. you are amazing!!!

  4. I think you already know my thoughts on this.
    I am one of the only single girls out of my friends. Am I the least attractive? Not at all. Did many some of my friends "settle" just to get married? Yes.
    God has someone special for me. Have I doubted it? Yes. But less and less. At almost 33, am I going to throw in the towel for the next 60 years? Think about it...the logistics of it.
    Do you REALLY think that over the next 70 some years of your life you will NEVER find a guy that will love you and appreciate you? Come on.
    Doesn't that sound ridiculous?

    I am A FIRM believer that the best things come to those who wait and you do have to kiss a lot of me.
    For me, the older I get, I don't even have to kiss them to know they are frogs!
    You will see...
    And mark my words, YOU will break a few hearts on the way. It is VERY NOT fun but part of it.
    The comment Chelsea made is extremely ignorant and look at the source.
    Anyone can have sex. That's not the issue. I love when people put the two together...about being "worthy" of having sex. All you have to do is turn on Jerry Springer with all of those baby daddy episodes and see that clearly it doesn't take someone attractive to have sex.
    Life is funny and quite a journey...