Thursday, October 13, 2011

I will be the first to admit it.


I do not have a thick skin.  Most bullying victims don't.  I can not handle people making fun of me well, and I get upset when people publicly point out my flaws.

But you know, who made the rule that being sensitive was some punishable offense?

Rememer a few weeks ago when I mentioned that a guy went off on me in the middle of class and my professor had to talk to him because the cruel things he said really upset me?  Yeah, well, a different guy, unsurprisingly a guy who sits right behind him, for some reason decided to raise his hand in the middle of class, after I said something and then the professor said something, to basically tell me in front of everyone that I needed to keep my mouth shut because he was tired of listening to me.

Yeah.  Not even kidding.  Thank God for Dr. Mero who stuck up for me as much as he possibly could.  I stuck around long enough to hear him tell this guy that in his class, he wasn't just going to talk at people for 80 minutes, he wanted people to talk, and if he didn't like that then he could go get a withdrawal form.  But then, despite all my fighting, I couldn't get my tears under control, so the girl who sits next to me told me she'd email me the notes, and I just left.  I still feel terribly sick, and I just didn't have the energy to deal with it.

And that was when I felt God wrap his arms around me.

When I got to the door of my dorm, a girl was sitting on the back steps smoking, saw me trying to stop crying, and got up and comforted me and was just really sweet.  All I know is her name is Elizabeth (I'm pretty sure) and she lives on the third floor, and if I ever need a friend, to just go to her.  I've never met her before.

About fifteen minutes later, I got a knock on my door and it was two girls from class who came by to make sure I was okay.  They told me that I wasn't alone, that a good portion of the class was upset at what the guy said and thought he was out of line, let me know that Dr. Mero held the kid after class, and just made me feel better about myself and got me out of the "blaming myself" mentality that I frustratingly naturally get into because of my past.

Then I checked my school email and had an email from a girl who told me what I missed at the end of class and told me she was sorry for what that guy did and that he was out of line.

Then another girl from class came by and talked to me.  She basically told me what the other girls had, and said that after Dr. Mero dismissed, a bunch of the girls talked to each other about how "unbelievable" the guy's actions were.  Which helped me not to feel alone, like I felt in the moment.

Then I had dinner with Amy and Elizabeth and they reminded me again that I am a good person.

That's five separate instances within three and a half hours of God making something that I struggle with every single day crystal clear:

He's got this.  He's got me.

*Edited to add at 10:26 pm:* And I just got the kindest email from Dr. Mero. Instance number six.


  1. I am so sorry to hear about that guy's uncalled for actions. :( But the kids in your class and professor standing up for you is fantastic. :)

    And I have a feeling that you are certainly one of those people who when they talk in class it's because they actually have something to contribute, not just because they want to hear their own voice.

  2. This is why people who witness bullying need to speak out - because so many people never get told that the bully is wrong & they're ok. Made me tear up a bit - you go to school with some great people :)