Thursday, October 27, 2011

Redemption Continued

I'm just gonna cut to the chase:  I screwed up.  And I learned a very valuable lesson from it.

I did exactly what Ryann asked me not to do - talk to Kyle.

As I was watching her play tonight (and Campbell WON, by the way), I started thinking about everything that she told me Tuesday and long story short, my emotions got the best of me.  There's no excusing what I did.  I screwed up.  I got selfish and disappointed a friend.

BUT because my conscience immediately kicked in afterwards (doesn't it always?), after the game I told her.  I felt horrible.  I told her the truth that I was scared she was going to hate me or I was going to lose her.

This is the part where my mind was blown.

This girl, who has admitted she has one heck of a temper, didn't get mad.  She said she was unhappy, which obviously she has every right to be, but she also said two very important things.  She told me not to beat myself up, and she told me that it wasn't going to ruin our friendship.

I honestly don't remember the last friendship I had other than Matt where someone forgave me when I screwed up.

That simple fact right there means the world to me.  And it makes me that much more determined to never make this mistake again.

If I'm being 100% honest, and I might as well continue the streak, by the time Elizabeth got back to pick me up, I was terrified that even though she said we were okay, we weren't and broke down sobbing.  But thanks to Elizabeth, another friend I love dearly, I calmed down and my logical self suppressed my emotional self and I realized that if Ryann was mad, that girl would have told me.

So for now, I'm just gonna let the dust settle tomorrow, since she's pretty hard to get a hold of outside of French class, anyway.  And I'm gonna go to the game with Mom and Mommom like normal, and if she acts the same when we see her afterwards, then I'm just gonna let it go.  If she can let it go when I'm the one who screwed up, the least I can do is not harp on it.

Thank you, God, for finally answering my prayers asking for just one girl friend who would stick around.  Once again, You've given me above and beyond I asked for and brought me several girl friends that I can't imagine my life without.  Thank You for the endless forgiveness You shower upon me when I screw up.  Please help me to make sure my relationship with Ryann stays right.  Thank You for the lessons You teach me every single day, even when it hurts.  I can never stop learning.  Please help me to become more like You.  I can't do this whole living thing without Your help.


  1. Sometimes being a friend is... hard. Praying for you.

  2. The people who left you after you "screwed up", you miss labeled them in the beginning by calling them friends.
    Friendship is a funny thing I have learned over the past year.
    There are some people that you think they will be in your life forever and you can't imagine your life without them. As it turns out, life has a way of flowing and they turn out that just because of situations or people growing you like never hear from them again.
    That's ok.
    That is life.
    How many of us are friends with the girls we went to grade school or high school with?
    I am blessed to say I have 2 or 3 or 4 girls I can call friends from high school and only one from grade school.Those numbers are pretty high.
    But in high school, I ran with a pretty large group...and we even picked up after college...and in college, but some of us started having babies, moving, getting married and things changed. They have to.

    I have had falling outs with friends. Some we recover and some we don't.
    Tonight in fact, guess who I am going out to dinner with? My friend Erin...the one who freaked out in March when I delievered cookies to the homeless and said she felt like I was dating God?
    We touched base a couple months later and then recently it was the one year anniversary that her dad passed away.
    I am looking forward to seeing her tonight.
    The thing about friendships and people in general...
    We are screw up; we all say things that may hurt the other person (9 times out of 10 it is unintentional); we made do something that is hurtful (again, unintentional).
    The best thing you can do as a friend is see it from their point of view and sometimes agree to disagree.
    Each person is a gift. They bring something to your life and it is you job to figure out what it is...
    But remember, that you are a gift to them as well! :)