Monday, October 29, 2012

Strong enough for the both of us.

If it's not one thing, it's something else.

Apparently the Dilaudid is now screwing up my whole GI system.  Sorry if this is TMI, but I went from...uh, backed having to eat ice cream to rectify the problem.  Now, I would normally be happy for any excuse to eat ice cream, but that and taking every bit of Phenergan I'm allowed to hasn't stopped the constant feeling that I'm going to puke my guts out at any and every second.

And Election Day is 8 days away, meaning there is TONS of stuff that has to be done to get as many Democrats as possible to the polls.  I have to help Louis as much as I can on top of all of this.

I have so much school stuff to do on top of everything.  Here's everything that has to be done between now and next Monday.

Comparative Foreign Government: Read Russia Chapter 11, Read China Chapter 13, complete the outline for my term paper by Friday
Municipal Government: prepare two essays for the test I have to makeup on Wednesday, write my 8th two-page paper
Human Diversity: Italian American history powerpoint, 5-7 page paper that goes along with it (by next Thursday, thankfully, but I need to get it done ASAP), figure out presentation plan with my group partners, Assignment #5 - a three page essay, test by Sunday online
French Lit: study for Friday's test
French History: study for Monday's test
finish my application for the State Department by Friday

I think that's it...but it's probably not.  I've been in a Dilaudid/Phenergan haze for a week now, so needless to say, things slip my mind.  That's also probably why I'm not completely freaking out.  I'm too exhausted.

Plus, I have a church thing tomorrow night, plus calling two hundred people, plus figuring out when I myself am going to go vote.  Ugh, this is not the time for me to feel this awful.

On the upside, my head is getting better day by day.  I have hope that one day soon I will actually wake up in the morning and my head WON'T hurt.  That hasn't happened since September 23rd.  Hope is all I've got because I've, needless to say, resigned myself to the fact that there's nothing I can do to deal with the pain and stress on my own.  I need God.  Maybe that's why I'm so calm?  A dear, dear friend of mine said in an email she felt bad for not having been here for me, but I told her, there was really nothing for her to "be here for me" about.  I guess this is what it feels like to rely on God?!

So yeah, that's where I am.  I'm accepting more and more every day the fact that I can't handle all of this by myself.  God-given strength is the only way I'm going to get everything I need to get done done.

It's a good thing He's pretty awesome at coming through when I give in and admit how much I need Him. :)

This is a song that Taylor sent to me via Twitter while I was sitting in Duke on Tuesday.  It's what I'm holding onto right now.  God is good.  He's strong enough to keep me moving forward, strong enough to help me get all my work done, strong enough to keep me filled with hope.

He's got this.  He's got me.  It's because of Him that I don't have to be afraid or worried or stressed about any of this.  I don't know about you, but that's an incredibly comforting feeling when things are as complicated as they are right now.

"Strong Enough" by Matthew West

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