You know, guys, believe it or not I've been trying really hard lately to stay positive.
To make jokes about all the medical crap I have to deal with.
To not draw attention to myself.
To let others know that I am okay despite everything I've been through.
But I'm about to be a Negative Nelly, and frankly, be really real here.
I am exhausted.
I am tired of being in pain all the time.
I do everything the doctors tell me to do, and yet these annoying migraines will. not. go. away!
Which, in case you were wondering, makes it really freaking hard to focus on all the schoolwork I have to do. You know, like the paper that was due October 1st that I still haven't written?
I can't go two straight days without having a migraine.
And I'm tired of it.
And if it's not my head, it's my back, my feet, my sinuses, the "eradication protocol" for the stupid MRSA or something else.
Like right now? My head feels like it's going to explode. My eyes hurt. The pressure makes me want to cry, which wouldn't be very smart, because that would just make it worse.
And it's like...every time I think the doctors have found a way to help me, my body gets comfortable with the medicine and it stops working. Like the muscle relaxer that the Duke neuro guy gave me a couple months ago. It worked great at first! Then, it didn't.
Now I have migraines four or five days a week.
And of course, I couldn't go see a doctor now because my attendance has already been blown out of the water, which means I've got at least 4 more weeks of suffering before I'll be able to get some help.
Basically, I'm just tired. So, so very tired. Tired of the fatigue. Tired of having no answers.
And very, very tired of the pain.