Today was a hard day for me. I knew it was going to be hard going into it, and as much as I tried to mentally prepare for it, I still sort of had the shakes as I was sitting in my morning classes. Yeah, my nerves are fun.
The good thing about God being, well, God is that I didn't have to say that I needed to get my mind off of everything. He already knew that sometimes the best thing for me is to focus on other people, and He gave me the opportunity for that in spades today.
Two people I love very much are dealing with some intense stuff regarding each other. And I spent pretty much my entire afternoon and evening talking to them both individually.
The kind of interesting part about it is that the first conversation with the guy started out by him calling me and telling me that my blog post last night really touched him. I take this guy's opinions very seriously, so when he said that "Over the past four or five weeks, my respect for you has grown more than I ever thought it could," I just about busted out in tears right then. To know that someone else sees and appreciates the powerful changes I've been feeling God doing in my heart and life was a level of reassurance that I didn't even realize I needed today.
I am so grateful for what happened today. The conversations I had with these two were completely God-orchestrated, meaning I had no plan for these to happen. Neither knew I was talking to the other one until after it happened. While I talked to each of them, I could feel the Holy Spirit giving me the words they needed to be told, and to just hear them say I helped them and that they appreciate me gave me that kind of happiness that I can only get when I'm helping other people.
In this life, in this country more specifically, people as a whole can fairly easily get caught up in selfishness. I admit I do it often. But today showed me that there is nothing more beautiful or worthy of my time in this life than to be serving others. I made a girl dealing with a lot of personal issues feel happy by the time tonight was over just by talking to her. Nothing I ever do will give me this kind of joy. I feel indescribably honored that these two let me into their hearts and their lives and are giving me a front row seat to what I know is going to turn into the beauty only God can create.
It just makes sense, though, doesn't it? An incredibly powerful passage in the Bible is in John 13 when Jesus gets down on his knees and washes his disciples' feet. The son of God bathed the feet of mere men. Verse 15 says "I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you." Jesus comforted me when I had no one in this world, when I didn't even realize that He was there. His entire reason for being was to save the souls of unworthy people. He was perfection in the flesh, and yet he lived his life serving others. He loved doing it because God sent him here for that. It's my job to live the same way.
And all of this happened on the one-year anniversary of the day sweet Sara, one of the best examples of a servant's heart I've ever seen, went to heaven. As I've said, I just don't believe in coincidences.
Today has been a reminder in so many ways that I have this heart for others for a reason. As this friend said today as he was talking about my gift for writing, my physical body may fail me often, but God has given me skills to make up for it. I may have physical issues, but I have a way to connect to other people with my words that not a lot of people have.
All of that is to say this: Today has made me seriously consider for the first time whether God is calling me into ministry in some form. I know I'm meant to be in the field I'm in in college, but I've had this feeling in the back of my mind the past few weeks wondering if He's got something bigger planned for my story and my love for words, something I could do not as a career but just as a way for me to help people. And after everything that is a part of my story, I know God can do anything He sees necessary.
And God, since I know You're listening, I am willing. I am so willing and so ready. Bring me the opportunity, and I know the Holy Spirit will give me the words I need to shine Your light. More than anything, I want to tell the world just how good You really are. I want to help bring people back to You the way some dear friends of mine have helped bring me. All the good I do in this life is because of the fact that You never gave up on me. So I'm in. I'm all in. Use me.