Yesterday, I told a friend that I was doing great physically.
Today, I woke up after 4 hours of sleep with a pulled muscle over my rib cage and a massive migraine.
And since I skipped my first Geography class to go see The Vespers two weeks ago, today was my first day of having class from 8:00 am to 8:30 pm. The good news is my Geography class got let out early.
But honestly, I don't even care about that right now. Today my heart's felt so heavy because several of the people that I hold very dear to my heart are going through some intense personal stuff. Don't get me wrong; I feel so honored that these friends chose to come to me, but nothing breaks my heart more than seeing people I love so very much hurting and knowing there's nothing I can do about it except pray. I think I'm finally getting to the point where I'm realizing that as much as I believe that my ability to support my friends is one of the gifts God has blessed me with, there's only so much I can do. As much as I want to fix their pain, I'm finally understanding that I can't. Only the Lord can.
It's just a horrible feeling. These people are truly some of my absolute best friends, and nothing breaks my heart faster than seeing them in pain. It feels so unfair to me to watch them suffer because they are kind, Godly, supportive and loving people, and to me, it feels like they deserve to be happy. But none of us deserve happiness, God blesses us with it, just like He blesses us with everything else.
I'm not gonna lie, I like feeling needed and appreciated. Don't we all? But I'd much rather see my friends filled with the joy of the Lord and not weighed down by the problems of this world. As one of these friends told me time and time again when I was dealing with my own stuff, joy is a choice. It's a choice that is found beyond this crazy, messed up world we live in, with the One who fills our souls with His spirit. And I'm thankful that because most of these friends are believers, they know that. I totally understand feeling so stressed and down that you forget to look for that joy, so that's one of my biggest prayers for all of them, that they never lose sight of the fact that their joy is in the Lord who watches over them.
He will get them through this. I have full faith that He will. You wanna know why? Romans 8:28. Plain and simple. These friends that are suffering right now have taught me so much about God, I know how much they really love Him. He's got them. Tonight, my prayer is that He will fill me with the wisdom, compassion, and the necessary words and actions to make sure they never forget how special they really are, how much God loves them, and how much I love them, too. I pray that He will use me to help them the way He has used them to help me so many times. It's my honor to be there for them, to feel their pain, just as He feels it.
His mercies are new each morning. And for that, I am grateful. I'll be doing everything I can to help keep these dear, dear friends of mine moving forward in His plan for them. This life is so much easier when we do it together, and I am blessed to go to God on their behalf and to show Christ's love to them when they need it. That's what this life is really about.