That's what has been on my mind this week: I am blessed beyond measure.
It's honestly just mind-boggling to see how many blessings God put into the span of 72 hours, where somehow nothing felt rushed or out of place but I also felt like I couldn't catch my breath before the next surprise came along.
And it makes me think back to how just days ago, I told a couple friends and Pastor Sean that it felt like even though I knew God was here, that He wasn't doing anything except watching. Oh, me of little faith...
He was planning this all along. To get me the help I need. To go as far as necessary to show me that He really does work all things together for my good and His glory. Everything that's happened in the past three days, the way everything lined up just perfectly, can only be attributed to His unbelievable power. And all of this so soon after I felt myself doubting what He was going to do to help me in my distress, or when He was going to do it, or if He was going to do anything at all. He is faithful, even when we are not. Father, forgive me for the sin I have committed in doubting Your power, mercy, and grace.
So yes, I completed the DHE treatment today. The doctor, nurses, and I are all cautiously optimistic because I was showing improvement after just one day of the therapy, and they said the vast majority of patients receiving this don't feel improvement until they complete the whole regimen. I am in less pain tonight than I have been in three and a half months. There aren't words to describe this level of gratitude.
Also, as if the experiences of the past few days weren't reminder enough of just how much God loves and wants to take care of me, I have had some great conversations with some beautiful friends. He has sent some incredible people into my life who teach me and encourage me and fill me with the God-given courage to keep pushing when I just don't understand what's going on. And trust me, I haven't understood a lot about this week. How everything could fall into place so quickly. How He could want to bless me when I just spent days doubting His faithfulness to redeem the brokenness in my life.
This is what is hard for me to accept. I'm trying to release the worry, the wondering why I don't have to do anything to earn His love or make myself worthy, but when you spend 18+ years in the same mindset with your life situations only solidifying your beliefs, it's really difficult to get yourself out of that and put your mind on the path that leads to the Truth. But I'm trying, and God knows I'm trying. And that's just one of many reasons I picked release as my one word.
I hope that if you're reading this, and you are in the same place I was just about a week ago, wondering if or when God is going to come in and help you, save you from the drowning feeling that is overwhelming you tonight, that my story can serve as a reminder that the word of the Lord never changes. His faithfulness never changes. He saved me and got me the help I desperately needed once again at the last hour.
He is coming for you, sweet child. He is coming to redeem. He is mighty to save. He wants to save you.
Just don't give up. Trust when it doesn't make sense. Keep moving forward when you feel like you don't have another step left in you. Look for the small blessings. Praise Him in the storm.
Because here's the things about storms: they don't last forever, even when they feel like they're going to.
Julie, the sweet nurse who took such good care of me the past three days, and me