I ran into Nick went I went to get Mexican for dinner and we had a very surprising conversation tonight.
I'm still in shock, I think. The kind of shock where I can't even remember most of what the heck happened. But I'll tell you what I do remember.
He doesn't like me as more than a friend, for starters.
He had no idea I was interpreting so many things (like the holding my hand for an hour, etc.) as him flirting with me. And I was in such shock that I forgot to tell him that that's ridiculous and I don't even hold hands with Matt. He didn't think he was flirting with me.
He didn't care that I kissed him on the cheek.
He likes spending time with me.
He doesn't see himself getting in a relationship anytime soon because his relationships always go downhill and he's tired of them. Which...okay. Whatever. You're 19, you don't have to be looking to get married, but I didn't think that meant he didn't like me.
Oh, and get this: He asked me to have breakfast with him tomorrow.
Mind = blown.
I sooooo didn't see that coming. Not after he held my hand all those times and did all those so-flirtatious-even-my-oblivious-self-saw-them things.
And it sucks. I'm sad. I feel like an idiot. But I'm gonna go to breakfast tomorrow because underneath it all, I really do like this kid as a friend. And I don't want him to think I'm mad at him, because I'm not. He was honest with me, which is more than you get with most guys this age. My only dilemma is there's still one big question on my mind that I want to get a straight answer to, but I'm nervous that if I bring it up again tomorrow he'll get annoyed or whatever. I just wanna know how he could possibly think I wouldn't take holding my hand so many times and for so long as flirting. Like, Matt and I have been friends for 9 years and I don't even hold his hand, you know?!
So yeah. That was my day.