Sunday, August 31, 2014


I really wish I understood why I keep having seizures at church. Seizures that are supposedly stress-induced at the least stressful place in my life. Is there something standing between me and God? Is there something in my heart that I don't realize? The people at City Grace could not be more welcoming or loving even though I'm two for two in interrupting services with a seizure. I'm so happy to be there, to be around them, I don't feel stressed when I'm there. I want to attribute it to the heat, because it is hot in that theater, but I have this nagging question that maybe there's something more, something my eyes haven't been opened to yet. I hope it happens soon, but I also remember what Pastor Ben prayed over me this morning.  He prayed for me to have peace no matter what, even if the seizures continue, and that I will be filled with the knowledge that not only does God love me and God has a great and real plan for my life, but also that the City Grace family has welcomed me with open arms and they will love me no matter what happens. I get so caught up in embarrassment, feeling bad that I've interrupted things, that I lose sight of the fact that they want to take care of me and they just want me to be well. But still, I can't help but wonder why this keeps happening there, and almost entirely only there, and if there's something that God is trying to get across to me that I'm just not seeing yet. In His time, in His way, it will be, I know that much. He is with me, now and forever.

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