My emotions feel like a boomerang this week. I think my blog pretty much reflects that feeling, too. One day I'm happy and excited and everything is working out great, and the next day I'm in tears because I'm so stressed. I do not like it. At all.
Today was just one of those days. The job that we really wanted Mom to be able to get was filled last week and the position just hasn't been taken off the website yet. My student loans won't come in until the very end of August, two weeks after I thought I was going to be getting them. I don't know how we're going to survive in New York and pay Mom's bills for the month of August because her unemployment benefits suck. That all led up to me laying on Mom's bed crying for half an hour this afternoon. I hate that.
But you know what? All I have to do is look back through this blog to see all the times when God has come through at the last minute when we didn't know how things could possibly work out well. Heck, I can just look at this summer and see how many things we managed to pay for when it seemed impossible, how the details of getting to New York have worked out time and time again even when it felt like we had an endless series of hurdles to jump over to get there. God has made a way, and a good, good God is not going to quit taking care of us. Not now, not ever.
I don't know how this month is going to work itself out financially, but that doesn't mean that God doesn't know. God always has a plan. He doesn't just make this up on a spur of the moment type deal. He knows every second of every day for all eternity. All He is asking me to do is trust that He's got this. I'm not on my own. I just have to keep doing the best that I can and have faith that God will work it out. Just because He sometimes likes to be a God of the last second doesn't mean that He won't show up.
It's like Jon of The Anima Series says in his video "The Wall":
"With God, what seems like a hopeless situation is not only possible, it's favorable, because only God can turn a mess into a message. Only God can turn a trial into a triumph, a test into a testimony, and a victim into a victory. His power is made perfect in weakness, so let us rejoice in our trials and hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, because He who promised is faithful, was faithful, and will always be faithful, no matter how hopeless the situation."
God's faithfulness doesn't change. Even when the circumstances of this world seem scary and make no sense at all, I can trust in the One who is greater than all of it. I can rest my eyes on the safe haven that is my King and know that all will be well, one way or another. It's not my job to understand why circumstances are the way they are. My job is to hold unswervingly to the hope I profess and praise God for working even when I don't see it and the work that will be done in the days to come.