Monday, October 7, 2013

And again.

Do you believe in real-life guardian angels?

Because I'm starting to think that Bryce might be mine.

Another seizure.  This time in the hall after Reformation and the only people with me were Bryce and a handful of strangers.  This time, I didn't even have time to sit or lay down from the second I started feeling funny before I collapsed.  Apparently I had been convulsing pretty badly because I woke up with some guy (not Bryce) cradling me in his arms, the only thing keeping my head from smashing into the tile floor.

Plus I had unexplained abdominal pain, and nothing showed up in X-rays or bloodwork, so the doctor said the muscles must just be sore from that.  I do have another (or still have?) a UTI, and even though they gave me antibiotics in the hospital the past times they said I had one, they actually gave me a prescription for one, and since I have no money, the sweet girl who came and picked me up lent me the $12 for it.

But yeah.  Another hospital trip.  Another IV.  More drugs.  More tests.  More "everything looks normal."

More bipolar emotions.  Trying to focus on the good people in the world, like the strangers who helped Bryce take care of me, and the love that surrounds me, while being unable to stop feeling sick with fear.

I'm tired.  Tired of my life feeling like a disaster.  Tired of not knowing what's going on.  Tired of scaring one of my dearest friends (who is subsequently tired of me worrying about scaring him).  I'm just tired.  I'm ready for my life not to be so complicated anymore.

But then again, I don't make the rules.

And to top it all off, it's 11:30 pm and I have 100 pages to read before my midterm in 10 hours and I'm still feeling the effects of the drugs they gave me at the hospital today.


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