Friday, August 23, 2013

Remind me why I did this again?

I know I say this every semester, but seriously, three days into senior year and I'm as exhausted as if it were November or something.  (And I'm simultaneously anxious for and dreading all that November is going to hold, so don't even get me started on that.)

I went to see Dr. Steegar to talk about plans for my "Independent Study", which is really just code for I have until December 4th to research and write a 20-page paper in French.  My mom said that when she returned to college when she was pregnant with me and was taking 400-level English courses, she would read 10-12 novels in a semester for one class, and yeah, I pretty much feel like an English major with all the reading of books I have to do on top of all the normal textbook reading and paper writing.  My eyes may literally pop straight out of their sockets from staring at so many books for so long and then turning straight around to this computer screen to write pages upon pages on my analysis and critique of "historiographic classics" that I frankly don't give a crap about right now.

Oh did I mention my first book review is due on Tuesday?  And we got the assignment yesterday?  We only have to read about 70 pages of the book, but still.  It's not easy reading and we have five days to read it, process it, decide what we think it's trying to say, and summarize it in 3 double-spaced pages.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to do all of this, plus grad school applications.  I'm not like normal college students.  I can't function on three hours of sleep a night.  I'm barely functional on six.

Sigh.  Don't tell me.  I know it'll get done.  I know December 10th will be here before I know it and I will be so proud of myself for completing this semester and most likely killing it, but right now it feels overwhelming and I'm terrified my GPA is going to crash and burn at the most crucial time.  And don't tell me I do this every semester.  I know I do this every semester.  But right now is what is real to me.  More real than any semester has ever been, what with grad school and the real world knocking at my door more loudly by the day and all.

Did I mention I'm tired?  I don't know why I'm so tired only three days into school, but I am.  So I am going to bed.  I'll probably have nightmares about daily quizzes, book reviews, and long term papers in French, but at least I'll be asleep.

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