I knew that already; I just didn't think I'd get smacked in the face with a reminder of it tonight.
I just got in my first legitimate fight with Matt in, well, I don't even know how long, possibly ever. All because of some stupid picture from one outlandish sect of Christianity that led to him going on some rant about "this is why all religion should be banned". And apparently it makes me a "judgmental b*tch" to send him a private (as in NO ONE ELSE could read it) message talking about the fact that stuff like this that he posts hurts me, and that I think he knows it does.
Well, not only did he prove to me he knew it would hurt me, he told me didn't care, and went into a whole new rant that hurt me in a dozen new ways. And of course, my mother walked in on me crying, forced me to tell her what happened, and then told me I was being oversensitive and to get over it. Because of course she doesn't understand.
Friends warned me for a long, long time that everyone would hurt me at some point or another. It's my fault for being stupid enough to believe that after so many years, it wouldn't happen with him. Like, somehow, our friendship was invincible. I guess it goes to show I had put faith in this friendship when the ONLY thing I can truly have faith in is God.
People are broken.
People are fallible.
This friendship is, at the very least, cracked. I just pray the cracks will heal.
I'm not going to pretend people don't hurt me when they do, especially someone who is supposed to respect me enough for me to be able to tell him anything. And I'm certainly not going to hide the one thing that is becoming a larger and larger part of who I am every day.
Even if that does make the guy who's supposed to be my best friend call me a nutcase.
Jesus said my faith would cost me. I just didn't think it was going to happen like this, or hurt like this. And so I write this post through blurry eyes begging for God to show me where to go from here. And to lay with me in the meantime.
Update: And of course we can't last half an hour without texting each other to apologize. That's more like it. :)