Sunday night, I talked to Brennan. Things around here are bad, worse than I've really let on to much of anyone, and I felt this desperate need to hear someone else's voice. Talking to him is so...easy. I can't wait to see him and the rest of my Nashville friends in November.
But anyway, the very first thing he asked me was what was going on, and as soon as I'd finish one thing, he'd ask me what else. It felt like he really wanted me to get it all out there. We talked about all of it. The thing that's on my mind tonight, though, is when I told him how dealing with all of the other stuff essentially on my own because I can't talk to my family about any of it has made me feel so incredibly so alone. He responded with something that was very simple, yet very profound.
"Mallory, you may feel lonely, but you are so not alone."
He went on to remind me of all the people that have been walking with me through the trials of my life. They may not be physically right here with me, but the simple fact that there are close to 30 people who ask for updates with every doctor appointment shows that he is right. There is a big difference between lonely and alone.
What he said made me focus again on just how lucky I am that there are people in Buies Creek (whom I can't wait to be reunited with on Sunday!!), Raleigh, South Dakota, Nashville, Canada, Texas, people all over who, from hundreds of miles away, choose to care about me and my life and my story, anyway. Few people, especially those walking through worse trials than mine, can say that they are that blessed.
But really, the most important thing to remember is that even if I didn't have all of these amazing people in my life, I am never alone simply because I have my Father. He walks with me wherever I go. He sees my every move. He hears all my thoughts. He grieves every ounce of my pain infinitely more than I do. He is always here. I can't get so focused on people that I lose sight of that. I've worked too hard to get to where I am now; keeping Him #1 in my life has to be priority over anything else.
:) God is awesome. Matt called in the middle of me writing this post. That just makes me smile. I love how faithful He is to give us signs of His presence when we're pleading for them. I definitely needed that.
Hopefully I'll remember the difference between lonely and alone better from here on out.