Monday, June 25, 2012

Peace like a river, faith like a child.

Sometimes, I really want to smack myself in the face.  But hey, that's what I have friends for!

Oh, don't worry. I mean it figuratively. ;)

So, uh, yeah, a totally unexpected thing happened tonight.  I sat down at my computer as I scarfed down dinner in my quick break between my internship and class, and I checked my email.  In my CU email (the email I've been using for everything TFAS/DC related) was an email from the manager of my institute addressed to me, my 4 roommates, our program adviser, Remley, the manager of the institute that Rachel and Meera are in, and their program adviser.  It stated that we have to have a meeting tomorrow morning at the TFAS office because some "concerns" have been brought to the attention of the staff.

Now, I know I've been talking a lot here about the roommate situation, but here's the thing - I never said anything about it to any of the staff, and I wasn't planning on doing so because I don't want any of the other girls to see me as whiny or dramatic or whatever.  And I realize that no one likes receiving a "we need to talk" message, but due to several incidents in my past, those kinds of messages are particularly stressful for me.  So within about 30 seconds, my hands were sweating, my heart was pounding, and I was shaking.  My first thought was someone complained about me.  Yes, the logical side of me realizes I really don't think I've done anything to warrant complaints, but this is how my mind still works as I'm working to retrain it.

So I did the only two things I could think of - I prayed, and I texted a few friends to pray.    By that point, I had to get into class, and I get ZERO cell reception in the classroom because it's basically in the basement, so I didn't receive the texts until I got out about 9:00.  All three of them said basically the same thing.


This one said it the most bluntly and eloquently (I know that's kind of an oxymoron), though: "Worry is of the enemy. Don't worry. Be anxious for nothing and He will take care of you."

Yeah...I'm an idiot.  Freaking out about a meeting that may be the opportunity to solve a problem that's been weighing on me for over a what universe does that make sense?  Especially after Taylor texted me today about a friend of his who got in a car wreck and broke a vertebrae in his neck.  Seriously, Mal?!

My friends, whether or not they realize it, are ridiculously good at giving me a good smack-in-the-face reality check when I need it.  Whatever God needs to happen in this meeting tomorrow will happen, and His plan is perfect.  I can take comfort in that.  I HAVE to take comfort in that.  My displays of weakness are not about me, they're about showcasing His power and mighty grace.

Another good one I saw via a retweet on Twitter, that was actually posted by a guy I met in Nashville, I've just never followed him myself.  "Knowledge of God is not faith in God."  Yep.  That one hit me hard as I reread it over and over again tonight.

If I really believe God's got me in His hands, then I can't worry.  Worry is a sign that I don't believe He is in control of everything that happens.

So tonight, I'm choosing to have "peace like a river and faith like a child"...yeah, I got that from the same smart friend who smacked me back to reality tonight.  :)

I am so blessed.

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