Thursday, May 31, 2012

Going into the weekend, this is my prayer.

This weekend is going to be a particular challenge, more so than the rest of them.  Mom's going out of town immediately after school tomorrow, and she won't be returning until Sunday night.  Her lifelong best friend's daughter is having her bat mitzvah this weekend.  It starts at 10:30 Saturday morning, and it's at least a 4 hour drive, which is why she's leaving Friday.  I can't blame her one bit for going; she missed the older daughter's bat mitzvah, and she desperately needs a break from responsibility and Chelsea.  I'm glad she'll get this time to herself, even for just 48 hours, I really am.

But that also means I am stuck in this house for 48 hours alone with Chelsea.  And my grandma is going to be tied up with my cousin's soccer all weekend, like usual, which means I have no way out.  I'm trying to ignore the growing feeling of dread in my gut, but that's not easy when I know what I'm getting myself into.

That's why I'm praying for Romans 15:13 to completely take me over and consume me.  I don't like who I am when I'm around her.  And I want to change, I truly do.  I feel like this is the first step.  I said I wanted to be a warrior - well, here's a huge battle.  With God, I can do this.  That's the only way I can do this.  (Though I'm thankful I do have some friends who have already told me I can call them any time I am in need of a distraction.)  I truly appreciate any prayers you can send up on my behalf.

P.S. That letter I sent Kim and Grant?  Ten handwritten pages.  I never claimed to be a master of brevity. ;)  No, really, I wanted to share some of my story with them, too.  I'm looking forward to hearing from them again.

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