Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Everything will work out.

I hear that phrase a lot.

Usually from Brennan, when I text him freaking out about whatever the latest thing is.

Actually, I've been saying that phrase a lot to myself lately.

Everything will work out.  It has to.  Life will go on.  The work will get done.  The drama will go away.  You just need to stop worrying about it.

I can't help but wonder why we, as humans, feel the need to worry so much.  I always tell people that "it's just in my nature" or "I can't help it" or whatnot, but honestly, you know it and I know it, those excuses are BS.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know for me, the reason I worry about every little detail is because I hate giving up control.  And if I really relied on God the way I need to, I'd be giving up all control.  In the moment, I feel like if I have control over everything, then I can make sure everything goes my way and everyone will be happy and taken care of.

Yeah.  You can imagine just how well that goes for me. (Hint: It usually doesn't.)

For so long, I felt like my entire life was a battle, that I was the only one taking care of myself, so I had to have control.  I had to have control to keep winning that battle.  Control meant that I knew what I was doing, and I could take care of me even when no one else was.

The only issue?  That was also the point in my life where my relationship with God was at its worst.  I was so angry, I felt like God couldn't possibly be looking after me and my life still be going the way it went.  I had no security, no lasting comfort.  It was me against the world.  In my head, no one else was going to fix my problems, so I had to.  I didn't have any choice but to take control over everything I could because I couldn't trust anyone else.

Fast forward a few years, and I hit my breaking point.  I finally (FINALLY!) realized that I can't take care of myself, and I definitely can't make everything go my way.  I realized that God is here, God is watching, and He has the power to take care of my life because I certainly do not.  I admitted to myself and to God that I can't do this on my own.  I admitted that as much as I want to be, I am not in control.  That's honestly probably the hardest lesson I've learned in my life thus far.  Problem solved, right?

Heh.  Not so much.

It's easy to remember that God is in control when everything in your life is fine.  I do a great job at trusting in God when I'm happy.  The real question is if you can remember that when you feel like your world is crumbling.  And that is usually when I go into "I must fix this" mode.  Because let's face it, I like to fix things.  I feel like a failure when I can't fix a problem.  I can tell you from experience that there is nothing more humbling than being faced with a situation where the only thing you can do is go to God and say "I can't do this.  I can't fix this.  I have no idea what I'm doing or what to do next.  I need Your help."

But when I suck up my stupid pride, and finally go to God for the guidance only He can give, I eventually find out that yes, He will actually take care of it.  Because He ONLY wants the best for His children.  He's that kind of Father, a Father that will let you make your mistakes even if it hurts because He wants you to see the lesson behind it.  The key, though, is that that doesn't change the facts of the matter: He is there.  He is watching.  And He will always take care of you.

You just have to let Him.  Give up that control, and see just what He can do.

I'm not writing this to preach, I'm writing it because I need to learn this lesson just as much as anyone else.

1 comment:

  1. Yup, it's TOTALLY the letting go of control that's soooooo incredibly hard.
    How are your finals going?

    Could you pray for me tomorrow please, if you get a chance? I have two tests at 8 am and 11 am that I'm really nervous about. Thanks!