Sunday, July 5, 2009

Just when I get up, you push me back down.

*sigh* I woke up feeling like absolute crap today. My headaches had let up for a few days, and then came back full force this morning. NOT GOOD. My sinuses have been getting progressively worse since I ended my steroids. My ankle still hasn't gotten better. And my back is spazzing out. WHY CAN I NOT CATCH A BREAK?! And of course, now I'm getting all paranoid about getting sick at school and then I'm going to fail, and the fact that I've landed in the hospital every November for the past three years is not exactly making me any more hopeful.

I'm sorry if I'm whining, or if I'm being selfish. I know there are kids out there who have to deal with SO MUCH MORE than I do. But right now, I'm just so tired. I have been sick pretty much 24/7 for the past 11 months. It's exhausting. I can't sleep. These migraines are getting worse and worse, and I can't take medication for it because of my seizure medicine. I just need a break. A short break. This week is so busy and so crazy, and I need energy. As of now, I have pretty much none.

I'm just tired.

Tired of being sick.

Tired of being tired.

Tired of doctors.

Tired of hospitals.

Tired of being afraid about how healthy I'll be at school.

Tired of being afraid, period.

I'm just so tired.

Morning, come quickly.


  1. You're definitely not being selfish -- it's more than understandable to be frustrated at the amount of medical and health hardships you've been dealt in the past few years, especially in the past year. You've been served more than your fair share, and it's tough, it's really tough...

    I pray God's mercies will find you in the morning, and for the coming weeks. Praying for relief, praying for long term respite... praying for YOU.

  2. Oh sweetie, I'll for sure be praying for you. I used to deal with migranes really badly, too, and still get them a few times a year, but certainly not as frequently as you do. My heart hurts for you entirely because I know how much it hurts to just want to be better.

    Remember that Jesus bore THIS sickness on the cross. Start claiming your healing and speaking life and health into your body. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. I truly believe that it's important to read those healing scriptures aloud to our bodies and claim them. May sound weird, but I've done it for years!

    You are in my prayers!

  3. WHOA, I just found you blog, and oh man can I relate! I'm sixteen, and I was perfectly healthy until January of this year, when I got really sick. It turns out that I have always had a rare neurological disorder since birth, called Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome, but we never knew, because I never showed symptoms! So I had surgery in May to correct my spine, but afterwards, I started having really horrible bouts of stridor that sent me to the ER five times in one week. No one could figure out what was wrong with me, but I was eventually diagnosed with Paradoxical Vocal Cord Dysfunction, which is a rare breathing disorder. I'm so sick of being sick, and with the breathing problem, I'm always afraid, because it could send me to the hospital at any given time. I don't want to live my life in fear.

    SO, anyways, sorry for kinda writing out my life story, lol, but I can really relate to what you're going through. Sending good thoughts your way, and I really hope you start feeling a bit better soon!