Thursday, July 16, 2009

Please reassure me.

That my family is not the only screwed up, dysfunctional one. Because right now, I feel really alone and pity anyone who has to put up with the crap I deal with on seemingly a daily basis.

So my mom asked Holly if she took my razor. Princess goes into this "how dare you accuse me, woe is me" crap and hangs up on my mother. Now she's "so upset" that she won't talk to my mom.

That on top of the twelve hours of pure hell that Chelsea was here today is making my mom feel like crap about herself as a parent. And I don't know what to do to help. No matter what my brainless sisters say, she is not a bad mother. Period. And I'd like to slap them both in the face for hurting her the way they are. I've even searched the bathroom again and my room just to try to prove myself wrong, and it's not working out too well. Princess and Loony (yes, I'm considering making those their new blog names, haha) need to learn how to stop being so dramatic and so wrapped up in themselves and take a second to see what they're doing to the woman who's given them everything! Granted, I know Chelsea's got mental problems that will probably keep her from this realization for many many years, but Holly has no excuse.

I mean, it's not like I never dislike my mother or never get mad at her. That's normal, but I don't get how those two brats could've possibly turned out the way they did, or what the hell is wrong with them that they're so self-absorbed. They're my older sisters. I'm supposed tow ant to be like them, to look up to them. Nope. Instead, it appears that I'm the only one who's not a lazy, self-centered, clueless, idiotic bum.

Bottom line: I don't put up with anyone treating my mom the way these two do. EVER.



  1. I'm sure my brothers despised me at one time or another for the chaos they perceived to be my fault. Running away, reports to the police, the family breaking up, and more. I'm sure they felt sorry for my parents more than once for having to deal with me.

    I realize that you may not be seeking advice, or needing any, but you know me... going to pitch in my 8 cents worth (inflation and all) :o)

    You can't control what your mom and sisters do, you can't change them, you can only change yourself. How do I know this? God taught me this through giving me the father that He did, and giving me the husband that He did. I couldn't change my father, I could only control how *I* chose to deal with it. I couldn't change Terry as a husband, I could only control how I chose to respond to the difficulties we had.

    It is likely that your sister took your razor, and we all know what my father took from me, but at what point does chasing what we've lost, wanting revenge for the hurt we've been given, at what point does it begin to cost us more than the original crime? Revenge and judgment aren't ours to seek, they belong to God and God alone.

    I will be honest with you, the years until I learned these lessons were brutal, but the moment I took my life and frustrations, and placed them in Jesus' hands, and told Him to guide me to be who HE needed me to be for my father, and for Terry, my life changed. For the better. Instead of being my father's victim, I refused to be victimized and showed him God's mercy and grace. I forgave him, both in my heart, and in my actions. Forgiveness is more for the forgiver than the forgiven, sometimes. It brings healing to our hearts. Forgiving my father changed my life... I stopped cursing him and just learned to love him the way he was, a broken man. We're all broken, after all, the degree to which we're broken doesn't matter to God, we all need His salvation. He didn't send His son for some of us, He sent His son for all of us.

    Same thing with Terry... our marriage was struggling SO much, I was ready to quit so many times, but ask Elizabeth... she saw it... I turned my focus on GOD rather than crying out to God (and anyone within earshot) for giving me such a distant, difficult, and tyrant of a husband, I cried out to God to help me focus on being the wife that such a distant, difficult and tyrant of a husband needed... The wife that would show him the love of Christ and change him through MY words, MY actions, MY thoughts, MY forgiveness. God didn't change Terry, He changed ME, and in changing ME, he changed Terry.

    The same applies to your sisters, and even your mom at times. You can't make them into what you believe they should be, just as you can't control their thoughts, actions, etc. You can only focus on God, and ask Him to help you focus on Him, and on what HE needs you to be as an example to your sisters, your mom. I know it won't be easy, but I'm proof that it's possible. Through God, anything is possible.

    To Be Continued... (max 4096 characters... ugh!)

  2. Continued... (me and my long winded typing... ugh!)

    Every time that you are frustrated by them, they win, you lose. It may sound harsh, and I'm sorry if it sounds that way, I mean it full of love and good intentions (and I know you'll still love me in the morning, ha ha!)... The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, any response about your sisters that doesn't use these fruits of the spirit brings more harm to you than your sisters are bringing harm to you. Guard your spirit, it is a gift, a gift from God. Your response to their actions is a choice, make that choice count in your life, make it one that will bless your life. Make it a conscious choice that will honor God. Perhaps, in seeing the change in you, their lives will be changed, their hearts will be softened. If not, if your choices don't change them, God will, through someone else, or through their own experiences... but YOU WILL STILL WIN by living a life for Christ. As for Terry, I didn't change him, God changed him, though me.

    After all, life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. At least that's what some wise guy said -- I can't remember who. :o)

    I learned these lessons the very hard way, after many years of struggle. These are lifelong lessons, lessons that have changed the entire course of my life, and they are my gift to you, my friend, in hopes that this gift will change your life too. If so, those lessons I've learned will be worth even more.

    Love, Hugs, and I hope that you know the depth of the love with which I wrote this message to you. I love you, and I care... Straight from my heart, to yours.


  3. What JD said is wonderful, as long as your mother allows the behavior to continue, it will continue. There is nothing you can do except to keep your distance when they are around.