And so it continues.

I almost feel selfish for talking about this right now, when poor Stellan is practically in heart failure, but things are still wild over here.

Mom actually left Chelsea at the psychiatrist place they went to this morning. While I have a whole new level of respect for her solely because of the fact that she did it to begin with, it doesn't get better.

The psych place just called. They can't commit her and they can't send her to a shelter because she's pregnant. As in just because she's pregnant she's sane? Far from it.

I can tell my mom's waivering. I can see it in her eyes that she wants to go get her. But part of me wants to be selfish for once in this whole situation and tell her not to bring that selfish brat back in the house and make the last 19 days of my last summer before college absolute hell. But then I think, How can I live with myself when I ask my mom to turn her back on her own daughter, to choose one child over the other? I can't. I mean, part of the reason I feel this way is because Chelsea treats my mom worse than anyone, but it stills feels selfish to me. I don't know what to think or what to feel.

And I know some of you are going to say that this is what my mom has to do for Chelsea's own good. She knows that. She really does. But she doesn't know how to let go of the motherly instinct to make everything okay for her daughter.

My mom typed up a 4 page history of Chelsea for the psychiatrist. I read it to edit it for her, and I feel like my heart broke all over again. There were things mentioned in there that I had no idea about, that I could never imagine my own sister doing.

I know I've said a lot of things to my sister that I never should've said. I will admit I've said things to her that were mean. But frankly, what else do you expect me to have as a defense mechanism against a girl who's done nothing but verbally abuse me for 10 years? I'm a girl who's heard since she was 8 that her own sister was going to kill her in her sleep. That doesn't excuse it, I know. I'm really not trying to make excuses. But I do know that I would never say the things I've said if she hadn't done to me what she has.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense. Between the stress of my own family, and the late night screaming matches, and the fact that I've been worrying about Stellan, I haven't slept since 4 pm yesterday. I'm exhausted. And I have a pounding headache. And yet I can't sleep.

How ironic. All I wanted was a day of peace and quiet without my sister and I can't get some rest.