If I thought Friday was bad, today has been pure hell.
Guess which one of my mom daughters is pregnant.
I'll give you three guesses, and it's not me or Holly.
She has no idea what this means. My mother is trying to talk some sense into her, and she just thinks life is going to be just what it's always been. She doesn't even know who the father is. And she refuses to accept the fact that when you don't have a place to live (because she is NOT staying here), a job, or a way to support yourself, you can't be a mother. She won't even consider putting it up for adoption because she's already using it to trap a guy into taking care of her. She actually laughed in my mother's face when the test turned positive.
And I have no idea why I'm so angry, but I am. I get so fed up with her saying unbelievably horrible things that I scream and say things that I normally would never say to anyone. I need strength to deal with her, strength I'm begging God to help me find, and it just makes me feel so broken. I'm supposed to love her unconditionally, and sometimes I don't know if I do.
I never thought I would wish a miscarriage on someone. But that's what I'm hoping happens. How sick is that? But it's because I sure don't want her to have an abortion, and she's not going to give it up, and if she actaully has this baby, my mom is going to have to fight and go to court and take custody away from her and my mom does not need that when she's already got so much work stress and family stress.
God, please help me....
And I turn to this blog to document my feelings because the people I know on here seem to never judge me.
I just feel so broken. I feel so lost and helpless and weak. And I know that the strength I need can only come from God. But sometimes I feel ignored. Even though I know He's always working, it feels like my prayers are being ignored when I'm constantly watching this family take a downward spiral.
God, please move quickly.