Maybe it was a mistake.
Maybe it wasn't.....
So I was expecting that the message that I sent Matt saying I was done was just going to be it. He was off the hook like he was making it clear he wanted to be, and I could just forget it and move on.
Well, he wrote me on Myspace today.
"Why has this come around? What did I do?"
I felt like the wind had gotten knocked out of me for about an hour before I called him. He said he'd call me back, and I wasn't expecting him to, but he did about an hour ago. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I got pure sincerity out of him. He asked me not to give up. He apologized. And Matt doesn't apologize for anything, like ever, so that was pretty huge.
Maybe I am setting myself up to get hurt again. But I've known this kid for seven years. And I guess I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't want whoever's reading this to think I'm some lovesick puppy who's going to let him walk all over her. Because I'm not. I told him I'm tired of putting up with crap from everyone, including him, and I wasn't going to take it from anyone anymore. I felt so good about what I thought was the right decision by walking away from him, that I know I could do it again if he starts becoming a jerk all over again.
Maybe you all will think I'm stupid. That I'm setting myself up for another broken heart. But he asked me to give him another chance and not to give up on him yet, and I'm going to give him that.
Just this once.
Please don't get mad at me for being young and clueless and crazy about him. I'm 17 and I'm trying to figure out what to do, where to go, and the best way to take care of myself all at the same time.