Yeah, sorry, I can't come up with a remotely imaginative title today.
I love music. I really do. I love everything from '80s rock to pop to Taylor Swift, the only even somewhat country singer I will listen to. It helps me relax. It helps me think. And no matter what, you can always find a song that relates to how you're feeling. I mean, I'm generally pretty good about getting out my feelings, just in regular writing, but when it's set to music and I'm hearing someone else express it, it's like it makes so much more sense in my head. Isn't it just beautiful?
I had a revelation the other day. I was ranting to my friend JD (the wonderfully awesome woman that she is) about Matt (I know, I know, just wait for it) and I realized something.
"I KNOW I need to get over him. It's the only way I'm going to get my sanity back. Because as wonderful and amazing and kind and loving as he is, he doesn't get to be my whole world anymore."
I guess it finally just came to me that being this crazy about someone who's obviously got no interest in you is going to get me nowhere. Yes, I still love him so much it sometimes hurts, but I have to find a way to focus on something else. I got so caught up in him and all that he's done for me that I began to act like he's the only good thing in my world. While he is the only consistently good thing, he's not all I have. I mean, heck, I'm graduating high school tomorrow! And I have my party on Sunday. And I have my mom. And I have music. And I have faith. He was my everything for so long that I couldn't remember what it would be like without him. I'm going to college in August. As hard as I feel like it is to be connected to him while I'm stuck here and he's away at college, it's going to be ten times harder when we're both away and might not/probably won't come home at the same time. I have to be okay with that. And I know I will be. I'm going to go and find people other than him who remind me that not all people my age are mean, superficial, and heartless.
The chorus to one of my current favorite songs kind of fits this for me....."Breathe" by Taylor Swift.
"And we know it's never simple, never easy, never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand. And I can't breathe without you, but I have to breathe without you, but I have to."
Did I mention I love music? :)
Agh, so we had graduation practice this morning. SOOOOO boring! 2 hours, running through the whole program 3 times, and people would not shut their mouths for five seconds even though that would've gotten us out of there in like half the time, but teachers were getting mad at all the insanely loud people so they added on an extra run-through for torture. And I was stuck directly behind this one freakishly loud girl who was talking to EVERYONE. I felt like banging my head against a wall. Yet another of the many reasons why I'm so not going to miss these people.
I CANNOT WAIT TO GET MY DIPLOMA TOMORROW.
The end. :)