Sometimes I wish I didn't feel things so intensely.
That I didn't love SO deeply.
Because then people turning on me wouldn't hurt so much.
And I wouldn't feel so utterly crushed every time I get stepped on.
And I wouldn't let myself get so totally invested only for things to fall apart.
My friends tell me that I'm too nice.
That I need to be a little meaner.
And they're right.
For the vast majority of the population, it's very hard for me to be mean to or at mad them.
I just don't know how.
I like people too much.
I like relationships too much.
And really, for the most part, I think I do a pretty good job at loving people.
I'm loyal and protective and I would go to the ends of the earth for people.
Honestly, when did those become turn-offs to people?
When did putting your whole heart into relationships make you "too intense"?
I just want to love and be loved, like St. Augustine said.
So yes, sometimes I wish my heart were different, only so I didn't get hurt so much.
But in my gut, I know that this life would be absolutely meaningless without love.
And I have people now who never abuse my love for them, who see me and know me and love every bit of me, even the "too intense" parts.
I don't know where I'd be without that love. I'd be pretty miserable, that's for sure.
So I'll keep on going being me. Because really, in the end, I don't want to know what life would be like if I loved any less.