Tuesday, October 21, 2014

He's still God.

So, I slept. A lot. And it was awesome.

And then I woke up to an email stating that my big spring loan got denied for bad credit due to medical debt. I thought the credit check would be for the whole school year, but nope. Now there's almost $8000 keeping me from being able to easily pay for grad school. And now Uncle Ed is dead, so he can't help me.

So as you can imagine, I spent about two solid hours sobbing this afternoon. The only thing federal aid people could tell me was find an endorser or talk to my university. NYU financial aid doesn't help grad students. They told me to check with my department and see if they had any scholarships available. I sent my adviser/the director an email, but I can't foresee them being able to make up the $25,000 that this federal aid was for (assuming they would it down like they did this semester). I was already planning on getting a job at a Walgreens or Duane Reade after I got past this surgery, so even if they could help with the other $10,000 or so I would need for tuition, I could work for living expenses...One other option I have to look into is this America's Christian Credit Union that I found online that does loans for students and they have the same deferment thing that federal aid does so I wouldn't have to worry about it until after graduation, but I'm going to wait on that until after I hear back from my department, so I know exactly how much I need to look for.

I panicked. I called Pastor Ben and Dana and Betsy and got them praying, and called Mom as soon as I thought she'd be free from work. Betsy called me back while I was on the phone with Mom and sent me a very kind text when I didn't answer. Dana called me, too, while I was on the phone with Mom and so I called her back and she talked to me for about 20 minutes. She and Mom both helped me calm down, which is exactly what I needed because crying does nothing except make my headache worse.

I know in my heart this is where I'm supposed to be. And I believe that God wouldn't have worked out all the details this summer, between all the financial stuff and finding the apartment in two days and managing to afford to buy everything we needed and Mom's boyfriend's help and everything, if I wasn't supposed to get here in the first place. God is not a mean God; He wouldn't have made this dream of mine come true just to snatch it away from me over something like money. And like Mom said, there have been plenty of times in my life where we didn't know how we were going to make ends meet and come up with money that we needed, and it always showed up - even in mysterious checks we didn't know were supposed to be there eight months prior. It'll work out, it always does. I have to believe that. We have a couple of months to figure things out, which is more time than we had this summer, and I'm not out of options yet.

I said something to Dana on the phone tonight and it was really a spur of the moment kind of thing, but it's really stuck with me.

God can sometimes be a God of the last second, but that doesn't mean He's not still God. He stays the same. He is a provider. All will be well.

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