First off, watch this video.
This video explains perfectly why I am so unbelievably grateful that I know people like The Vespers, that I go to school at Campbell, and that I found the church that I did. These three very different entities have brought me people who love me unfailingly, who worked their way past the walls I'd built up when it would have been so much easier to turn around and leave. I think you are truly known by very few people in this life; there are very few people who know you in your bones, who know your messes and failures and shortcomings and flaws and choose to see the good in you anyway.
I had a long chat with Caitie today. I know I just talked to her earlier this week, but I needed to talk to her about the same thing I talked to Kyla about, and unsurprisingly, she had almost the exact same words of wisdom for me that Kyla did. Which is mostly what I already knew, but I needed to hear it from someone else to get out of my own head for a bit. Those two, I swear, they feel more and more like my big sisters with every conversation, which is kind of hilarious since I've never met Kyla and have only spent less than two hours total with Caitie. But the stuff I talk to them about, I could never talk to Holly about, even if she were a Christian. They're just special. They're some of the few who really do know me in my bones. They see my humanity in its rawest form, yet they still love to help me and walk with me and just be there when I need them. That is a priceless gift. I'm gonna do what they said and just try to focus on the here and now and what I can control and stop trying to control a future that isn't even figured out yet.
Speaking of the future, tonight, I randomly decided to get together all the information and dates I need for all of my grad school applications. Holy cow. I knew this was going to be expensive, but it's a whole different story when you see the totals written out in front of you. To apply to 9 different schools, with one not having a fee, is going to cost about $715. And the problem is, they're all such good schools, I don't know how to eliminate any of them! I have to call my Uncle Ed sometime in the next few days so we can talk about this and I know exactly what he's willing to contribute. I almost feel bad asking him to help with grad school after he gave me a free undergraduate education, but I know him and he won't be offended, and it can't hurt to ask. If anything, I have a feeling he'll at least pay for the application fees. I don't care if I have to finance grad school solely on loans; it's going to happen. The job market is so advanced nowadays that, in my field, you basically can't get anywhere with just a Bachelor's degree.
And with that, I am off to bed. Tomorrow marks only 3 weeks until move in day. Yay!