But lately, the big issue for me has been this: I get a gut feeling that I should make a certain decision or action. I feel really good about this decision. Then, I start to wonder if I'm making the right decision. Is this what I want or feel, or is this what God is really trying to show me or give to me? Am I imagining this is right, or is this really in God's plan?
Right now, I'm gonna be bold at the risk of making myself sound abso-freaking-lutely nutty:
On Tuesday, when I heard that The Vespers were performing yesterday, I decided to go find their website and learn a little about them. I went to the bio links and read about all the members. Bruno's was the last page I read. The second I saw his picture, my first thought was "This might just be the guy I've been waiting for." I have no idea why I thought that. Looking back, I think I sound nuts thinking that just after looking at a guy's picture! But all I knew at that point was there was an unexplainable tug that I was feeling towards that guy, and I really wanted to meet him.
The next morning, I couldn't believe the luck that in the super packed hall, I (literally!!) ran into him. And then was smashed up next to him at lunch. I usually get so nervous talking about my medical issues in detail, especially to strangers, but with him I was at ease.
But really, aside from my physical attraction towards him, I mentioned yesterday how he said that he believed "God has big, big plans in store for me". I thought it was sweet, and a little surprising that he said that after talking to me for less than 45 minutes total. Well, today, we added each other on Facebook, and I sent him a message thanking him for putting me so at ease yesterday and what a pleasure it was to spend time with him, Taylor, Callie, and Phoebe. This was his response:
"Mallory, thanks so much! Your stories are way bigger than anything I'll ever do. You will do big things. Know it. See ya round, B"
Here's where the whole "I can't make up my mind" thing comes into play. I keep asking myself Why did he say that again?? Is God trying to tell me something???
Am I just making all of this out to way more than it is? Or is there something behind this, behind all of the new feelings I've had over the past two days? I mean, I have never felt an instant attraction to someone. Ever. Not with Matt. Not with Jay. Not with Parker. Not with anyone. So that certainly surprised me.
I'm an oblivious person. Ask anyone in my family - ask me to find something for you and I could walk straight in front of it and still not see it two inches from my face. So it's really no wonder why I wish God would smack me in the face with the answer to this (and various other situations), right? I just want to know if I'm crazy and wasting my time, or if there really is something going.
I suppose all I can do right now is keep praying. I want God's will, not my own. I will be thrilled if there is something more to come from my meeting this fine band, but I will also be perfectly fine if I never see or speak to them again. I'd just like to have a clue which direction I'm going. Because right now I feel like I'm riding in a car with a blindfold on...
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