Sunday, March 24, 2013

My Everything

So I realized while looking over yesterday's and Friday's blog posts that I repeated the news about me performing with the worship team.  Oops?  It's been a long weekend, and I was exhausted.  Stuff happens.

Anyway, I didn't fall asleep until about 12:30 last night, and for once it was actually because I stayed up doing homework instead of goofing off.  Needless to say, however, 5:30 came very, very quickly.  When I went to bed, I was sort of dreading my alarm going off, but when I woke up, I basically didn't even care because I was so excited.

I honestly could not have been happier to have been there today.  This is the tweet I posted immediately after I left after the second service.

Like, seriously, y'all, today could not have gone better, in my eyes.  Remember how absolutely nervous I was the day of the first full group practice back at the end of January?  When I got the email on Thursday that I was performing today, my mind immediately went there and how badly I didn't want today to be like that.  I texted Kyla, Caitie, Bruno, and Taylor because they were the ones I told when I first decided to join the worship team that I was performing and asked them to pray that God would help me keep my nerves in check today.

Well, uh, mission accomplished.  Prayers answered.  I wasn't nervous at. all.  :)

There was even supposed to be another girl there singing backup with me, but she didn't come for some reason, so it was just me and the lead guy on vocals.  It was so awesome.  Even during practice, when you could definitely really hear me, I wasn't nervous.  I was singing a lot higher than I normally do, and I wasn't nervous.  The guy backed out on vocals a couple times, and my voice held.  He's super musically talented, and he even told me I sounded good.  I know today wasn't about me, but that made me feel good.

Part of me figured that the nerves would hit once the services started and other people were watching, but THEY DIDN'T.  I was so caught up in praising my God and singing that I could seriously look out and see people watching me and it didn't freak me out at all.

It felt so good to be able to help lead worship today, and I had so much fun.  Now that I know I can do it without nerves, I even asked if I could do it one more time before I leave for the summer.  (Agh, I am going to miss my church family SO MUCH!)

But honestly, the importance of today for me personally goes so far beyond the fact that I did it without nerves.  It was healing.  The last time I performed in front of anyone ever was at my hometown church with the teen worship band before they kicked me out.  That was more than six and a half years ago.  One of the last things I heard before I left that church was about my "lack of talent".  So I didn't perform in front of anyone...until now.  And today, I know I screwed up a few times, but no one here cared.  And I didn't care because I was so genuinely caught up in praising the Lord that I forgot to care what anyone else thought.

One of the things that Pastor Sean said in his sermon was "Jesus is sovereign in your life right now.  He is sovereign, right down to the smallest detail, the things you think are insignificant."  And today was such a sweet reminder of that for me.  Jesus is sovereign, and he cares about every small detail of my life, even things like my nerves about performing.  He went above and beyond what I asked and prayed for about today - I prayed He'd help keep my nerves under control, and instead, he made my nerves disappear.

My sweet Savior, who came into the city where He would die humble and meek and riding on a donkey, was with me today in such a purely joyful way.  Just as He entered Jerusalem and sacrificed Himself to bring peace, He offered me peace in a completely unexpected way.  That's why I'm going to spend the rest of my life singing His praises, not just because of today, but because my life is full of moments like this.  His love ransomed me; I owe Him everything.

Just as I sang this morning, Jesus, You are my everything and I will adore You.

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