I keep writing and rewriting something, not sure how to say it or if I want to say it all because no matter which way I put it, it all sounds wrong and I feel like an idiot.
Like maybe I'm not quite as different from the old me as I thought I was.
Like I should've known better.
And the words "guard your heart" echo in my mind like the sound of a ghost that's haunting me, constantly creeping behind waiting to reach out from under the bed and grab my leg when I'm just getting to sleep.
I probably sound crazy right now. I feel crazy. A very large part of me is hoping I'm just overexaggerating this whole mess and things will go back to normal.
I don't remember the last time I had this nagging feeling I got used/played without any solid proof behind it, or if I've ever had this feeling before at all.
And no, for a change, this isn't about Brennan. As a nice surprise, things with him are still fine. He's actually on a medical missions trip to Guatemala right now, so if you'd pray for him and his team, that would be very kind of you.
In other news, it was a very long day. Saturdays are usually my day to sleep in, but today I had to get up early to go to a required enhancement training session for tutors. Then I went to the post office and my meds finally arrived. Then, I took a quick nap before the basketball conference semifinals. Then I've just done homework and laundry and watched Dateline: Real Life Mysteries (my usual Saturday routine) and somehow managed to stay awake..
And now I'm going to bed simply because I can. If you've got any suggestions on how to get better at guarding my heart so I don't get quite so emotionally invested into every single friendship I make, let me have 'em.