Saturday, March 16, 2013

I have to guard my heart. Or something.

I keep writing and rewriting something, not sure how to say it or if I want to say it all because no matter which way I put it, it all sounds wrong and I feel like an idiot.

Like maybe I'm not quite as different from the old me as I thought I was.

Like I should've known better.

And the words "guard your heart" echo in my mind like the sound of a ghost that's haunting me, constantly creeping behind waiting to reach out from under the bed and grab my leg when I'm just getting to sleep.

I probably sound crazy right now.  I feel crazy.  A very large part of me is hoping I'm just overexaggerating this whole mess and things will go back to normal.

I don't remember the last time I had this nagging feeling I got used/played without any solid proof behind it, or if I've ever had this feeling before at all.

And no, for a change, this isn't about Brennan.  As a nice surprise, things with him are still fine.  He's actually on a medical missions trip to Guatemala right now, so if you'd pray for him and his team, that would be very kind of you.

In other news, it was a very long day.  Saturdays are usually my day to sleep in, but today I had to get up early to go to a required enhancement training session for tutors.  Then I went to the post office and my meds finally arrived.  Then, I took a quick nap before the basketball conference semifinals.  Then I've just done homework and laundry and watched Dateline: Real Life Mysteries (my usual Saturday routine) and somehow managed to stay awake..

And now I'm going to bed simply because I can.  If you've got any suggestions on how to get better at guarding my heart so I don't get quite so emotionally invested into every single friendship I make, let me have 'em.

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