History

What do you call it when you see someone who you haven't seen in two and a half years, who you know you're completely over, but you still get a weird feeling in your stomach?

I saw Parker at the dentist's office today.

The second we glanced at each other, my heart started pounding a little bit harder.  That's not supposed to happen.  I got over him a long time ago.  When I've thought about him, I didn't feel anything.  So why did I all of a sudden feel something today?

Well, I know why.  He was the first boy I ever loved, despite the fact that we never dated.  He was the first boy I ever trusted completely.  He was the first boy who broke my heart.  And that will always mean something to me. 

But still, I got over him and everything that happened years ago.  WHY do I still let it get to me? Does this mean I never really got over it? Today is making me second guess everything. What threw me off even more is that he was actually nice to me.

And now I'm dealing with Matt, and all along I've been waiting for him to become like Parker because that's what I'm so afraid of, getting my heart broken again, and I think that's been screwing up my relationship with him.

I guess I just have to realize that history isn't something that can be forgotten, and Parker and I certainly have a lot of history together. I don't know if we could ever really be friends, but I hope maybe one day we could. If we could manage to talk the way we did today, even if it was just for a minute, maybe there's hope.

Now is one of those times it'd really be nice to predict the future. ;)