Monday, May 4, 2009

No wonder.

I'm sitting in my Distance Learning class right now, listening to two guys next to me reading books on sex and laughing like 6-year-old morons. It's stuff like this that helps me remember that the reason I've only had one boyfriend in high school is because I don't want a boyfriend in this school. No freakin' wonder. They're such immature idiots 99% of the time. Maybe when I get to college I'll actually find a guy that is mature enough to not giggle at the word "penis."


I have no idea why, but I'm absolutely burning up today. I'm soaked in sweat, and my school is the same temperature it always is. I just can't wait to get home and go to sleep. I only got not even four hours of sleep last night, so I'm totally exhausted. Thank goodness my mom keeps the thermostat on 68 Fahrenheit. Otherwise I'd be burning up all day.


Something I've somehow forgotten to mention over the past week...Stellan is home now! YAY JESUS! I've become strangely attached to a family I don't know. Then again, I'm not the only one. This woman, Stellan's mom, has followers all over the globe. (Go check out his name gallery, you'll see the proof!) I always look forward to her updates, and follow her on Twitter. It's crazy, but I've completely fallen in love with this sweet family. And I've gotten some awesome friends through that site, too, so that's another plus!


Okay, so I don't know if this is necessarily good news or not, but Chelsea is not moving back in with us. She was at our house this past weekend, and not even an hour had passed before she was back screaming and fussing just like the old Chelsea. She claimed she had changed so much, and for a while, I thought I was the only one who didn't believe her. I can't trust anything that comes out of her mouth.

It seriously was just the weekend from hell, just like my life used to be when I had to live in the same house as her. And when my mom told she wasn't allowed to move in next weekend because of how horrible she was, she started screaming and crying about this sob story about how her supposed best friend starves her and attacks her and all this other stuff. Part of me has a hard time believing it, because she has a similar sob story from every other place she's lived. And then again, a part of me believes, because let's just say Chelsea doesn't pick the greatest people in the world to associate herself with.

So, I don't know. My mom and I are both really torn. I want to help her, but I'm not willing to have my stress level go through the roof, and end up fighting with my mom, and just basically being really depressed the last three months I have with my mom. I just won't. I haven't done anything wrong, and neither has my mom, and we don't deserve to suffer because of her. When my mom and I are alone, we get along 98% of the time. When Chelsea's in the house, we're fighting half the time. And it's just not worth it. Does that make me a selfish person? Maybe, but when it comes to my mom, I think I deserve to be.


My head is still killing me. I really need this massive headache to go away so I can think on those AP exams. Really.

1 comment:

  1. I think it's good that Chelsea won't be moving back in with you and your mom. I am still praying for her, though, sounds like she has a lot of challenges in her personal life. I'm so sorry your family is going through this.

    Sometimes it helps to remember that not everyone is at the same place in their journey, not everyone has the stability, the maturity, the intelligence or the je-ne-sais-quoi. The best we can do is to love them through Jesus' eyes, with patience, love, and kindness, even when it's not returned, or we feel it may be undeserved, because God loves us unconditionally too. It's hard, sometimes, especially with those who are closest to us (there's no escape!), but it strengthens our walk with the Lord and brings us closer to him.

    That being said, sometimes, people make this very, very hard to do. That's when it's worth it the most, though!